How I Lost 200 Pounds and Kept it Off

Well, technically, it fluctuates from 200 to 195 pounds, but still, I feel it is an accomplishment that glorifies Yahweh. One of my friends advised me to write a blog about it after I posted this picture on Instagram.

Me in 2010

That's approximately 200 pounds ago. 

How I Got to Be So Huge

From the age of 10-21, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I took quite a few antidepressants and tried to survive. I also didn't really socialize with my peers, since I was one of those gifted and talented students who had a hard time connecting with people my own age. I was so bullied and ostracized that I liked to imagine that I was hiding inside a suit of armor so that nobody could hurt the  real me. I then constructed that suit of armor with fat. 

Of course, I didn't even know who the real me was. 

When I was 21, I was healed of clinical depression by Yahweh, My God, who is able to do all things and SO MUCH MORE than I ever imagined! At that point, He told me it was time to let go of the weight I had been wearing as protection for so long.

The Process

Yahweh used the doctor to tell me that I needed to lose weight. It's not like she hadn't been telling me for years. I weighed almost 400 lbs and I was well aware that a diet consisting solely of fast-food, pasta, and sugary substances was not going to lead to a long life. But what did I care? Life was miserable and sugar was tasty. But a few months after I was healed of clinical depression, the doctor said I was heading for Type II Diabetes. 

She was probably hopeless as she wrote me a prescription for a glucose regulating pill and told me yet again that I needed to exercise and eat right to lose weight.

Only this time, I was ready to listen. 

I began by walking for 10 minutes on a treadmill. I know, 10 minutes doesn't seem like a lot, but believe me it is when you are carrying 387 lbs around. Each day, I increased the time by one minute until I was walking for 30 minutes a day. I knew I couldn't skip a day or I would quit, so for the first year of weight loss, I walked 30 minutes a day every day, with only weekends as a break. For those of you who like exercising and think that sounds like fun, it wasn't. I still don't like exercising, really, but I love the results! 

I also started eating health bars. Now, at this time, I had no idea what I was doing, but eating health food bars for breakfast and lunch and then having a more healthful dinner was certainly better than eating Spaghetti-O's for three meals a day. (Yes! I did that!) 

All of this lasted about a year until I got the stomach flu. Then, with prompting from Yahweh, I went to the doctor. She tested my blood sugar levels and they were legitimately perfect. Right in the middle of the normal range. I didn't have to take any medicine anymore, and though they wanted me to keep taking it because it was helping me lose weight, I refused to take a medicine I didn't need.

After moving out of my parents' house to accept my first teaching job, I decided that I couldn't spend the rest of my life eating health food bars for 2 meals a day. So I tried to eat healthier meals for breakfast and lunch, and it worked somewhat.

A year later, I met my friend who is a nutrition expert. He offered a class, which Yahweh told me to take, that taught me how to eat healthily. It was simple. All I had to do was avoid the chemically processed food and stick to the things that Yahweh created for us to eat. While the first six weeks or so are supposed to be plant-based foods only, I basically ate a plant-based diet for a year and a half.

After that, as part of the first fruits offering at our ecclesia, I spent 2 months eating as recommended by the Ketogenic Diet: high fat and low carb. I love carbs... during those 2 months, I literally dreamed about hot fudge sundaes and fruit! (That's right, 2 months without fruit!)  

Then, Yahweh told me it was time to focus on balance. While I still eat mostly non-processed foods, I am no longer as legalistic about it. If one of my students shares five Reese's Pieces with me, I will eat them instead of telling the child no thanks. This is more of a lifelong sustainable eating method and I think I'm going to enjoy it.

I have also kept exercising, though the method has changed. Right now, I do a class called "Praise Moves" once a week. It is a Christian alternative to the Hindu practice of Yoga and it is so fun because the lady who teaches my class is incredibly encouraging. 

The Future

I figure I've got 30-50 pounds more to go on this weight-loss thing. I'm almost done, and I can't believe it. Yahweh has been so faithful and I've learned so much. 

As I've pressed into Him and been faithful in the natural processes listed above, Yahweh has been continuously healing me of old fears and mindsets that were hindering my ability to lose weight and walk freely in this world. It is as He has eliminated the fears that I have been able to walk this process out. And I've learned that what's important is to be healthy, not skinny, so that I can live long and glorify my Father on this Earth. 

And isn't He worth it all? 

So how did I lose 200 pounds? With the help of my Father, Yahweh. Why? For His glory? Could I have done it without Him? NO! Believe me, I tried, but every time I tried to do it in my own effort, I couldn't make it last longer than a week. 

So this is His Story, His Glory, and His Accomplishment. And I was faithful to obey His Word. 

HalleluYah!

Me Last Month

Interesting Creatures in my Classroom

So the following are interesting creatures from my classroom:

1) The mouse. There is a mouse that has been crawling around my classroom. Let me just tell you that when a mouse darts between bookcases, it can be difficult to keep students on task... O.o

2) The fish. I have class pets. There's Pablo, the angelfish, and Marco, the algae eater.

3) The children. They're always strange... but never boring. ;)

School Trips and Writing Fun

Do you ever have a time when you just want to write, to let the words flow? Even feeling the pen in your hands or your fingers flying across the keys. Hearing the words in your head and seeing them appear on the page.

Writing is legit, amazing, beautiful. Words are the most amazing medium.

I feel like writing. Like sitting up and typing on my blog. Only one problem: I'm not sure what to write about.

I mean, I suppose I could write about life, about what's going on right (write, lol) now. And it certainly is interesting. I teach 6-12th grades, so that could not possibly be boring.

Last week I took a couple of 9th grade girls on an overnight field trip. It was the first one I've ever taken kids on, and I rather think I chose the right 2 girls for the job. (Believe me, there are some kids you don't want to be responsible for overnight). We had so much fun!

First, we got to see the Clinton Presidential Museum/Library (is it a museum or a library? Because if it is a library... it's missing something, like books!) But as a museum it does really well. It was super interesting to see a museum dedicated to a man whose politics I oppose. He was president when I was in elementary school, so I was unaware of exactly what he did when he was in office (except that impeachment scandal thing...). But the museum painted a whole other picture of him. I didn't know he was so funny. I kind of got to see that he was just another human being doing what he thought was right, even though he was often wrong.

I also got to go to a discovery science museum, which are the best kinds of museums because they are interactive. I got to pet a ferret there and see how much blood I have in my body.

I think the best part, though, was the river. I have always been fascinated by large bodies of water, and I think they're beautiful. Watching the sun come up over the river was amazing, and I took way too many pictures. It was also great to walk along the river market district early in the morning and see what was there. Most of the shops weren't open yet, so I just got to walk along a downtown city street with Yahweh and enjoy the morning.

I think I like big cities. Well, certain parts of them at least. I'm not sure I'd want to live in one, but they're sure fun to visit!

The ride home was fun, too, as the girls and I sang Disney songs loudly and off key. (Which is the best way to sing with students.) It was nice sleeping in the next day, though.

Well, I think I've accomplished my writing goal! And I told you about my trip, so isn't that awesome. :P

School Update

Children are interesting creatures. If you go into teaching, you'll never be bored.

This year, I have 7 different classes I teach. They are all different, though related, subjects. Last year I only taught five, and the year before 6. This is the biggest year I have had, and it is way more tiring than I expected, but not so much so that I can't do it!

The kids are good, and still so interesting. I love my kids from last year. I only have a couple of them in class this year, but the others still like to come visit me and get hugs. I miss them. Sometimes when we all have to be there after school (for a game or for parent conferences) they'll hang out in my room, draw on my board, and tell me their secrets. I love that.

This year's kids are good, too. They're very active, though, and occasionally loud, but they're kind when they want to be and oh so curious. They've got great potential for discovery because of that. My morning classes are super awesome because the kids in there want to learn. The afternoon classes can be awesome, too, because there are some kids in them who ask all the right questions and help guide the lessons and discussions into new places. And there are some kids in there who just need to be loved and I love doing that.

I teach a lot of middle school this year and the kids are just learning how to interact with the world. They don't yet realize the impact their decisions will have on their future, and I can show them what that's going to look like. I like being able to help them understand a bit of the world in a time when everything is so new and confusing for them. Hormones change everything, and new ways of socializing and interacting with peers are causing them to have to learn wisdom pretty quickly. I like that I can guide them in that, for while learning curriculum is important, character development is moreso.

I'm also grateful that Yahweh has graced me for this, for while I may lose patience when the kids are loud, I don't dismiss their feelings like so many adults did to me when I was that age. I wish someone had explained to me that sometimes, emotions are going to filter the way you see things, but that nothing has really changed and when the emotions die down, life still remains. I didn't learn that until my 20s and I hope my kids can learn it now so that they don't have to waste so much time in their teen years.

I have a fish tank now. The kids keep asking me when I'll get fish. Maybe I'll make that a bell ringer one day: predict when the fish will come. But we've been so busy that my coworker who gave me the fish tank hasn't had time to help me get fish.

Next week I'm taking kids on an overnight trip to a conference. I look forward to it because these are two of the best kids in their grade and I would not mind at all chaperoning them. I think it is a good inaugural trip; I've never taken kids anywhere overnight before, and there are some kids I wouldn't want to do it with, but these kids in particular will be great!

I've been so busy, and Yahweh has been really stretching me, but stretching is good. It's a big deal to be impacting so many young lives, and my purpose and calling is important. I'm learning to walk in confidence and surety in regards to myself and the decisions that I make in teaching and in my life. I'm excited to see what comes of it.

The First Week of School

Well, technically for me it is the second week of school because teachers get to go back a whole week earlier than the kids. But the first week with kids is a first in itself and it's never boring.

I have really good kids this year, which is great because I also had really good kids last year and I was hoping it wasn't just a fluke. The grades I teach are mostly 6-8th, but I do have 2 9-12th grade classes as well.

We've already had 3 fights and I had to take a kid's electronic device away. But really, I have good kids. There isn't near the attitude problem I've seen other years and almost everybody follows the little rules like "come prepared" and "when I say clean up time, I mean it" that help make the classroom run smoothly.

I also already have my first funny teaching story of the year. Since most of my classes in the afternoon are for the same grade, there are a few kids I have from lunch until it's time to go home. This is rare in secondary schools but not all that rare for a district as small as ours is. Anyway, one of those kids that I have all afternoon is a 7th grade Asian boy. He is pretty cool, and I can already tell he will make my year interesting.

Well, he comes into my room right after lunch and holds his hand in a fist over my desk. I just stare at it for a while, wondering what he wants me to do with it. Does he want a fist bump? I mean, come on, say something. But I am SO glad I didn't put my hand under his because I guess he just got tired of waiting because BOOM, he opens his hand and a live cricket falls onto my desk.

I squeal like a girl and the whole room laughs at me. I begin to yell at the boy, "Get that cricket out of here right now. Outside! Out!" I'm not really mad, even though I really don't like insects. (If he'd put it in my hand, it'd be a different story). So I'm laughing a little along with the class.

"But he's my friend!" the boy cries. "You don't like my friend?"

"No I do NOT like your friend!" I say back. "He cannot come into my classroom!"

"What if you and my friend were the last two people on Earth?" he asks.

"We'd be living on opposite sides of the Earth, then," I reply.

After that, class went on as normal, but when the bell rang, the boy left the room. I stay at my desk but when I see him walking back in with something in his hand, I say to him, "If you bring another cricket into this classroom, you'll go straight to the office." At which point he makes a 180 and walks back outside.

Because while I wasn't really angry, I also don't need that kind of thing to become a habit. ;)

Other than that, this week was pretty normal. It's been very busy and exhausting trying to get back into the swing of things but I love my purpose and I love ministering to my students, so let's run!

Oh, and for all of you who might be thinking of teaching or new to teaching, some tips for the first week of school:

1) You will want to go to bed before the sun goes down. Let yourself. Every night you can. Summer hours no longer apply.
2) Throat lozenges or some equivalent should be in stock for the hoarse and somewhat painful throat after you talk for 6 hours on the first day explaining all the rules to each class.
3) There is only one chance to make a first impression. Have a positive attitude on the first day. Be excited and the kids will spark off of your excitement. :)
4) Remember, even when things go wrong, the kids will forgive you. (Forgive them, too.)
5) You have purpose and it's only just beginning. There are 175 more days for you to make a difference. Let every one of them count!

Teaching is so legit.

The Human Experience

So if you've never read the book The Giver by Lois Lowry, I recommend you check it out. It is super prophetic and awesome and it spawned a super prophetic and awesome movie with the same name.

Anyway, I got to see the movie today and without giving too many spoilers away, I will try to tell what it meant to me.

Firstly, the story is set in a futuristic world where people have given up certain things like emotions, color, animals, etc. in order to lead lives free from pain or inconvenience. There are only a couple of people who retain the ability to have these things via memories of the past, and one of them in our protagonist. The story is much bigger (and more amazing) than that, but I want you to actually read the book, so I shall say no more about it.

But I was watching the movie today (opening weekend!) and during the movie they showed clips of the modern (20th-21st century) world from various locations. We saw wars and rumors of wars, dances, weddings, prayers, Christmases, and hunting trips where innocent elephants were poached for their ivory tusks. There were just so many clips of everyday life: the big and the small. And in it was such a mixture of beautiful and horrible things.

And I saw that the world was beautiful. Sometimes it's easy to forget that. Horrible things happen every day to people I know and in places far away but still the world is beautiful. The human experience is beautiful.

Because the bad cannot mar the good. It cannot change it, cannot erase it, cannot nullify it. It can only exist apart from it and one day it shall be no more. What Yahweh created is still there, underneath all the wreckage that was put upon this world by the curse that came when Adam sinned. But since Yahshua came and took away the curse, creation awaits the redemption. And when all the grease and grime and muck on the surface is washed away, underneath will be all that Yahweh created, unsullied and whole. Because the bad couldn't touch it, not really.

And the bad is disappearing. No, it wouldn't look that way at first as Babylon self-destructs but that's what Babylon is supposed to do. It can do nothing else. And so as Babylon dies, even though it looks like things are getting worse, we know that things are getting better because the death of Babylon is the cleaning of the grease and grime of the world. Once Babylon is dead, Yahweh's Kingdom will still remain underneath it all. The good. The beautiful.

The world is beautiful. The human experience in its entirety is beautiful because nothing can change that beauty. Nothing can affect or alter it in any way. The beauty of knowing Yahweh and experiencing His presence and partnering with Him in stewarding creation is unending and eternal. And I, for one, am grateful.

Keepin' It Real

Well, I'm going to be real here. I'm having a bit of a walking out thing.

You see, the enemy thinks he can use the same old tactics against me and they're going to get me to cower down and be afraid and doubt myself. But they won't work anymore.

It's the beginning of a new school year, and I'd forgotten how the enemy can try to put fear in there. You know what I mean, that nagging "something is wrong, you need to fix it, why do you suck?" feeling that comes in the night before you're supposed to get up and go out there and defeat the enemy and fulfill your purpose and bring Yahweh's Kingdom to earth. AKA, that feeling I get at night during the first few days of school.

But see, the enemy needs to know this, so here I post it on the world wide web: you cannot stop me! Because nothing is wrong, I don't have anything to fix, and I'm awesome! And I'm stable and steady in faith. So I'll say again what I've said at the beginning of every school year in some way or another: I'm not giving up so quit trying to make me!

And, to be honest, all this pressure just reminds me how important my purpose is. After all, the enemy wouldn't be spending so much time trying to keep me out of my school if I weren't meant to be there. He's scared now!

So, seriously, run, enemy. You should be afraid! Run because I'm coming in the power and might of Yahweh my God! I'm going to keep going and I'm going to keep bringing Yahweh's Kingdom to a place that's never seen it before. Run because I'm running. I run with endurance the race set before me (Heb. 12:1).

And all shall see and know that the hand of YAHWEH has DONE THIS THING! AMEN!

Summer 2014

Well, it's that time of year again. No, not that one, the OTHER one. The time for my annual end of summer blog post! I've already written an end of summer journal entry, so that explains why this year's end of summer blog post is on the actual last day of summer...

I love being a teacher for so many different reasons, but one of them is that my life has built in thresholds and seasons. Summer and the school year are so vastly different that I cannot help but change and grow through these different times, and I love it!

At every threshold, I feel like there is a good opportunity to stop and take stock of where you are and where you've come from so that you are completely ready for the dimension you're about to step into. It is also always helpful to build up your faith by reminding yourself of how Yahweh has been faithful in the past dimensions so you know He's just going to keep being faithful in the new one!

This summer has been truly amazing. I think it's been the best summer yet! I've really gotten to know who I am since I came into the Kingdom, but now I'm starting to see where I fit in relation to others, to Yahweh's Kingdom and plan for the world, and to my ecclesia. I've been able to minister to people this summer in ways I have never been able to minister before and I've also had that quintessential summer relaxation.

For the first time, I got to see the ecclesia that sent out our apostle. They are one giant 14 hour drive away, so it's not an opportunity that comes along all that often. There is also a beach near this ecclesia, and I got to enjoy some ocean time (and get a lovely tan)! But the best part was seeing where we come from and realizing that I am part of something so huge. There is a big responsibility to carry on what they've started to the next generation so that Yahweh's Kingdom can be perpetuated eternally, but I am not burdened by this responsibility because Yahweh has promised that He is faithful and merciful to those who love Him and keep His ways up to 1,000 generations (Deut. 7:9) and He is faithful to do what He has called you to.

After this gigantic trip, I came home and continued my summer and the excitement thereof. I have never had so many opportunities to hang out with people. I was afraid I'd be sitting home alone all summer bored... but Yahweh had better, and it was great! As I said, I got to minister to people in new ways by offering a creative writing class that was led by the Spirit to some really awesome people who have amazing anointings in writing. I also got to experience the physical and spiritual benefits of Praise Moves, a Christian alternative to yoga that was offered by a friend at ecclesia. And then there were the random movie nights, sleepovers, splash parks, and lunches with people I love and can both impart to and draw blessings from.

Throughout all of this, I have learned that not only do I have a unique place in the world, but I have one that matters and one that fits. It is the first time in my life I have a place that I fit in, and it is good. I also have realized that I have things to offer people. There are graces and anointings in me that people need and will not get if I don't take my place.

But the best thing of all was being told twice this summer by my apostle that I'm doing good. I'm where I'm supposed to be and on the right path and carrying on the Kingdom as Yahweh has promised. And just as my apostle and his apostle were not afraid to lay everything down to build a foundation for Yahweh's Kingdom that they will one day turn over to my generation, I am not afraid to lay everything down to build Yahweh's Kingdom and one day hand it over to the next generation.

But then, I am a teacher and I have the privilege of being part of preparing the next generation to receive the Kingdom of Yahweh into the Earth. And so as the school year begins, I look forward to doing just that and receiving all that Yahweh has for me in the new season just as I have taken hold of everything that Yahweh hid for me in this dimension.

So goodbye, Summer 2014! And HalleluYah! Praise Yahweh for this season! Hello 2014-2015 school year. You are blessed and I will receive everything from this dimension that Yahweh has hidden for me and also help others to find the special treasures that Yahweh has hidden just for them. It's going to be the best school year yet!

Breakthrough

I know an apostle who has said many times that you're either in a faith fight, just finishing one, or just about to start one.

Another way to look at this is this:

You've either just had a breakthrough, are having a breakthrough, or are just about to have a breakthrough.

KEEP GOING!

100 Years

I was thinking recently about 100 years. One century. A nice round timespan. And I was thinking about all that humanity has accomplished in that time. It's rather astounding. I am an American, and so many of these items are from an American perspective, but all have had a global impact on the world.

In the last 100 years (1914-2014) we have:

Begun and ended two world wars: WWI (1914-1918) and WWII (1939-1945).
Invented the most dangerous weapon on Earth, The Atomic Bomb (1945).
Established the widespread use of commercial airplanes
Replaced horse and carriage travel with automobiles throughout the USA.
Invented the television (1927) and established the widespread use of them in American homes.
Discovered penicillin (1928) and then every subsequent antibiotic used today.
Established the widespread use of movies as entertainment in theaters and at home.
Crashed the stock market (Wall Street) (1929)
Had the first American president elected to four terms (Franklin Roosevelt) (1932-1945).
Reestablished Israel as a recognized nation (1948).
Had the first war of ideologies between two great countries. (Cold War, 1940s to 1990s).
Entered the "space age" with Sputnik, a Russian satellite, being launched outside of this planet. (1957)
Invented Rock and Roll in the 1950's.
Seen the end of systematic racism in the United States starting with the Civil Rights movement in the 1960's.
Put a man on the moon (1969).
Invented the modern computer (1940's) began to sell it to the public as personal computers (1977), then linked them all to a network known as the Internet, which came about in its modern form in the 1990's.
Globally eradicated one of the most frightening diseases known to man--smallpox. (1979)
Invented the cellular phone (1973), began selling it commercially (1983), and then added features such as text messaging (1993) and eventually led to smartphones such as the iPhone (2007).
Weathered the only two foreign attacks on US soil in our nation's history: Pearl Harbor (1941) and September 11 (2001).
Elected the first black president of the United States (2008).
I was born.
You were born.

In the past 100 years we have reached outside the borders of our planet, becoming a global society where news travels at the speed of sound from one end of the world to another and there is no hidden thing in mass media. We have drawn and redrawn the geopolitical borders of our nations. We have seen countless wars, births, deaths, extinctions, genocides, inventions, new art forms, and more. We have changed the landscape of every country, building cities and highways with skyscrapers and cement, establishing national parks, and accessing places that were before unknown. We have seen what was once considered unacceptable become commonplace, and what was once commonplace become unacceptable. We have seen America become the leading superpower of the world and now we are seeing that change. We have seen the end of most hereditary monarchies in Europe, the beginning of many dictatorships, and the continuation and expansion of democracy. We have, literally, changed the world. Someone who fell asleep 100 years ago wouldn't know the world they would wake up in today.

In 1914, the world population was approximately 1.8 billion people.
In 2014, the world population is 7 billion people. 

And if we can do all this in a century as a group of chaotic and disjointed societies without many who were following the guidance of Holy Spirit, I wonder...

What will we of Yahweh's Kingdom do in 100 years? 

In 1914, the revelation of modern day apostles and prophets establishing Yahweh's ecclesia in the Earth wasn't even spoken of.
Today, I've seen the Kingdom in action, and it is huge and only growing.

Thinking Like A Child

Do you remember what it's like to think like a child? I don't mean when I was a child I liked sugary cereal and teddy bears, couldn't read, and was afraid of the dark. No, I mean, do you remember what it was like to see the world...have an entire world concept... as you did when you were a child?

I suppose that's impossible--and not altogether desirable. After all, maturity has its perks. Especially for those of us who walk in the Kingdom of Yahweh. Every day we become closer to Him as He changes our mindsets and allows us to see the world as it really is: His way.

But how much of His way of seeing the world is like that of a child? Obviously He doesn't want us eating sugary cereal and being afraid of the dark, but perhaps the simplicity of a child's view of the world is better than the complex way adults view reality. Especially those of us who were taught in school that "there is no one right reality or way to see the world." (I can't tell you how arrogant this concept is and how much I utterly detest it.)

But back to the original question. I can remember specific instances in my life when my child's mindset was irrevocably altered. When I made some startling discovery that all adults had known for years, but to me, was this life-changing epiphany. One such event was when I was in the sixth grade in social studies class. We were making timelines and I read about the atomic bomb and it's first use in World War II. The textbook said, "...the world would never be truly safe again." I remember being shocked and horrified to learn that there was a device out there that could destroy everything in seconds. I'd heard of nuclear bombs before. I'd even watched "Atomic Cafe" in elementary school, I think. But before I read that line in the textbook, the sheer scope of what nuclear bombs were capable of had never occurred to me. The idea that there was a weapon out there that could make the whole ENTIRE world "unsafe" scared me to no end. Because until then, I hadn't thought the world was anything but safe.

But I grew up, assimilated that information, and learned to live with the knowledge that at any moment some random government person I don't know could press a button and end the world. But what else was I to do? It's not like I could change the existence of nuclear bombs. *Bam!* There goes one wall in my previous framework of existence. My whole view of the world changed.

Another time, I realized that at any given moment, somewhere, there were people starving or dying in a war. How sad! I thought, and how dare I feel contented and carefree while these people are dying. (Incidentally, this "white guilt" or "rich guilt" or whatever issue is plaguing modern America is frequently seen in academia and also politics) and in taking on the burdens of these sad people somewhere, I again changed my whole view of the world.

Once my mother told me that no moment happens twice. I must've been very young at the time, because I thought about our dog Zoe (back when she still had black hair) sleeping there on the floor of the living room. I realized, even if I could get her to lay in the exact same spot the next day for her nap, everything else that had been happening while she slept would not be happening. I couldn't get flies far away to buzz the exact same way or cars in other states to drive past the exact same tree that they were driving by while my dog was sleeping. And in knowing that each moment is the only one of its kind, BAM! Mindset change.

I suppose this process of mindset changing is called learning, which to me (a teacher) is a word that conjures up warm fuzzy feelings. It has a good connotation, in other words. For in learning we become able to do more, be more, know more. But learning isn't positive. It is neutral. What makes it positive or negative is what we learn and what we do with that information.

Because when I learned about the atomic bomb, I let it make me feel unsafe. That wasn't good. It was good that I knew about it (because, duh, everybody should know history and wouldn't I look silly if I didn't know about nuclear weapons) but feeling unsafe doesn't make sense, for the God of the Universe loves me, is in control, and is on my side. And when I learned about starvation and world wars, I let it make me feel sad. As if it were my responsibility to carry the pains of the nations. And when I learned that each moment could only happen once, I let it make me want to suck each moment for all it was worth, and became so anxious about enjoying the moment that I managed to miss it altogether.

But none of these were Yahweh's plans. And so I had to undergo a process of relearning, or learning again the correct way what you originally learned incorrectly. So I still know about nuclear bombs and wars and the strange and wonderful concept of time, but now I know them as Yahweh meant me to know them.

Yes, bad things happen, but I'm meant to be joyful anyway, for Yahweh is in charge and He keeps me safe just as He holds all people in His hands. Yes, time is irreplaceable, but I can enjoy each moment as a gift from Yahweh and a blessing, and knowing that He has given me an eternity's worth of moments with Him, even if all of them are not on this planet.

And so, in relearning, I learned again what I once knew before I "grew up." That Yahweh is sovereign. And BAM! Mindset change. Only now, instead of being unaware of what the world might call "the facts," I've put them in their proper perspective. And I suppose this is one way to see maturity. The combination of the framework worldview of a child with the factual materials out of which that framework was constructed of learned adults.

We cannot ignore all the negative things that are going on in the world, but we do not have to let them get us down. For these things are doomed to failure, and bad things will always come to an end. And one day the God of the Universe will reclaim His lost treasure and reign in totality without opposition and then we shall dance on the grave of Babylon.

It's all about perspective. Faith: the ability to see reality in the midst of the illusion, to put what we see in it's proper place in our view of the world. Or, as Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

And so we have the faith of a child.

Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it. ~Mark 10:15

Yahweh is Faithful

Well, last week was a really hard week involving someone I love being in the hospital and someone else I know--a really good person--dying unexpectedly. As you might expect, my soul was sorrowful. On top of all that, I had to finish out the school year and prepare for our first ever Shake the Earth event, which is where my ecclesia is branching out and releasing Yahweh's sound in new places in our region.

But Yahweh was totally faithful and I never lost faith. At first, I felt guilty for being sad and angry. I've spent years learning that my emotions have been wrong and that they need to be controlled. But being sad and angry when people do stupid things or really bad things happen isn't wrong. That's the reflection of truth! Because the things that happened were not righteous.

It's ok to be sad and it's ok to be angry so long as that is the righteous reflection of truth. And so long as you never lose faith. Because faith allows you to receive grace, and grace is Yahweh's power to change a thing in the Earth. So without faith and grace, nothing good can happen.

And it can be hard to maintain faith in the face of such adversity...of any adversity, really. Because things come against your faith. Yahweh told me that life didn't have to hurt all the time and since then I have had relatives go into the hospital, someone has died, I temporarily lost my ability to move my body, I had to deal with bad things happening to good people that I love, and I had to fight emotionally with old mindsets and curses. But you know what? Life doesn't have to hurt all the time! Because that is the Word and nothing is going to change that. And because I stand firm on this Word, I know it is what is going to manifest in this world.

But things come against the Word. It's pretty much automatic. The enemy doesn't want the Word to manifest in this world and the way he tries to keep that from happening is to make you believe that it isn't true...that it can't come to be. How devious! By making you believe that it isn't real, he ensures that it never becomes so.

But he is a failure and a liar. Because Yahweh is faithful! And every Word that He has spoken is, and was, and will always be. And I shall see it in this land, in this world! Because Yahweh is faithful to make me faithful. He has spoken a Word, and then He ensured that I could stand upon it. And since I do so, I know that His Word is real in this world.

So I am not hurting today. Because Yahweh is faithful. Every Word He speaks is true and He keeps His promises. He gave me a good day today. The person who was in the hospital is home and improving. I went to ecclesia, hung out with good friends, and had a hot fudge sundae (for the first time in 2 years!). And I know Yahweh will be faithful to comfort the family of the person who was lost--and indeed, all who knew him. And I know more joy is coming because I've seen those things too. And I stand on the Word that they shall come to pass and manifest. Because I know Yahweh is faithful. I've seen it already.

Last Day of School

Well, Friday was our last day, and it went well. Ok, it was hectic since it was a make-up day and students didn't really have to be anywhere after lunch. The whole afternoon they were either free to play games or play in the gym. I volunteered to let some kids watch movies in my room on Netflix. We watched "The Croods" and "Hoodwinked 2." Both of which were great movies.

Now it's summer time. Well, I have one more day of teacher inservice before then, but that's really nothing. I hope my kids have a good summer and look forward to seeing them next year. Kids are always much less squirrelly in August than they are in May. They really need the breaks to recharge and focus their energies so they can get back to learning in the fall. Those who decry school breaks don't seem to realize that children are not miniature adults who can just suck it up and focus like adults can. They have different needs, and there is no reason to not let kids enjoy being kids.

I have plans for one week this summer, and the rest is all a blur. Summer is always so different than the school year. Yahweh teaches me different things and it requires a different kind of faith to have nothing set to do with your time and still believe you are fulfilling your purpose. There is also a different type of freedom to not working in the summer that will allow me to do different things Yahweh might call me to that I cannot when tied down during the school year.

So Summer is always exciting, but so is the school year. It's a fun job where I have such dichotomous times in my years. But all times are Yahweh's times and we shall see what comes.

Have a happy, fun, safe Summer 2014!

I Love Life

I am realizing, recently, how often I wait expectantly for something. Once I'm married... Once I lose more weight...  Once I have kids... Once (insert whatever here)...

I know we all know better. Be happy where you are. But it's so easy to fall into the trap, once having seen a vision, of putting off your joy until you receive it. Or trying to make it come to pass. Or even being anxious that it won't.

But here's the thing: I'm happy where I am. I mean, I never thought I could even reach this point let alone the visions I've seen for the future. And everything happens in its time, so trying to rush the future won't help. So I've decided to enjoy where I am. I know that where I am is for such a time as this.

And when I do get married, lose more weight, and have kids, I will have different responsibilities than I have now. I have this time as a gift, to redeem things I never knew I had lost. I have this time, this short time, to be free of all the weight and worry of the lies that beset me when I was young and yet still not have so many responsibilities that they themselves weigh me down. I am faithful over what's been given to me now, so in due time my metron will increase. In the meantime, I shall enjoy where I am and who I am. And have faith for where I will be.

For how good and pleasant it is to dwell with Yahweh. To know who I am and where I am and that I am exactly where I am supposed to be for the moment.

Graduation 2014

I love graduations. I always cry at them. They provoke a whole gamut of emotions: pride, nostalgia, and a burgeoning hope for the future, all coupled with the sudden awareness that some of my favorite people just graduated and I won't be seeing them again.

Well, I will, but not like it has been.

Graduation is a line of demarcation between one period in your life and another. For my kids, it is a time to look forward to what is coming and fondly recall what has been. But I realized tonight that most of them have no idea what is coming. As our principal spoke of some life lessons that could benefit the graduates, I thought back to my own graduation. I forgot, almost, how much I didn't know then. (I wonder what, in the next ten years, I'll be thinking about this time in my life.) But when I was graduating from high school--and even from college--I had no idea what was coming or what life was really like. I had no idea how much a person could change or how much my perspective on the world would change. Most of that was Yahweh, but some of it was just growing up. (Which was also Yahweh.) I'm amazed at the idea of how much my kids will change in the next ten years. But even with all the advice they've been given tonight--from friends, family, and the principal--they just cannot fathom the future until they've been there. I know I never could've imagined how amazing and different my life now is from when I graduated. I hope the same for my kids.

For they truly are my kids. This is the first year I've had graduates with whom I've worked so closely. We have a history together, and I feel like I've played a role in their ability to graduate. Whether it was working for hours on an English paper with one girl or teaching another young lady enough Spanish that she can actually hold conversations, I have had a part in someone's education. I have made a difference! They told me it would happen when I started teaching but I just couldn't fathom it. Just as I cannot now fathom what these children will become. I am so proud of them!

Beyond the academics, I hope I've shown the graduates what life with Yahweh can be. I've spoken blessings over them and had real conversations with them about life. I know that they have good hearts and seeds have been planted and I expect a harvest. I expect that what they will become is great, but they will always be my kids.

May they become great, not in the eyes of the world, but in the eyes of Yahweh, their Father. May they come to know Him and follow His righteousness. May they have the peace and safety that comes with knowing the Father loves and values them, not for what they do, but for who they are. May the eyes of their minds be opened to the Prophetic and may they submit to the authority of the Apostolic. May the Kingdom grow in them so that they can grow the Kingdom. May they find a life full of blessings, joy, and peace, and may the richness of the goodness of Yahweh blossom in their hearts so that they will reap an everlasting and perpetual harvest. May the graduating class of (our high school) 2014 be blessed! Amen.

My Favorite Things About Teaching

I really do love my job, which is a total miracle and gift from Yahweh. My first two years teaching, I thought it would kill me, but once Yahweh told me who I am and gave me my identity, I could finally step into the role He graced me for.

So here are my favorite things about my job:

1) Speaking Kingdom to my students, and showing them through my life who Yahweh is and what He can do.

2) Making a difference in my students' lives.

3) Hugging them when they're excited or having a bad day, and knowing that I can bring them comfort when they cry.

4) Being called "Mom" accidentally.

5) Being told that I'm their favorite teacher.

6) Hanging out with students at events that aren't in the classroom, like dances or field day.

7) Making children laugh.

8) When they make me laugh (which is often).

9) Sharing my passion for language with them, and finding the few who are also poets and linguists and lovers of the art of language.

10) Telling students that their lives matter, they are valuable, they have a bright future, and anything is possible.

11) When they share their frustrations and problems with me, and I get to tell them about how the same thing happened when I was their age, that it gets better, and that hormones are sucky liars but they eventually go away.

12) Talking with my older students about their futures, and seeing how they've changed since when I first met them. Watching them become aware of the world around them and their role in it. Seeing maturity happen.

13) Graduation.

14) Celebrating student achievements, whether through awards or just patting a kid on the back or giving them a high five when they've done something well.

15) Seeing students improve either in academics, attitude, or behavior.

16) Providing a safe place for them and having them trust me.

17) Knowing that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

18) When a child is excited to show me something they've done or something that has happened in their lives because they know I'm interested and want to share in their joy.

19) Feeling like I know what I'm doing.

20) Knowing that these kids are MINE to steward and I will stand for them and declare that they are also Yahweh's and He will find them wherever they are!

21) The way I feel at the end of a school year, that even if the kids learned nothing about language from me, they learned that they're loved, that they matter, and that they truly can do anything. And I hope they learned a little language too.

22) Each and every unique (and often strange) personality that comes into my classroom. :)

23) That I can be for my students what I wish someone had been for me: someone who has been through what they've been through and conquered. Who can tell them on the other side that the battle is temporary and the victory is permanent, and that the problems of the moment pale in comparison to  the joys of a lifetime. And for this joy set before them, they must persevere.

So you see, though I love language and sharing it with students, the academics and test scores and other things that the world says matter are only secondary to my true purpose there. Though I want my students to have every tool they will need to be successful in whatever they decide to do for their futures--and I will provide these tools to the best of my ability--in the end, it is my love for my students that makes my job worthwhile. It is the purpose to which Yahweh has called me and for which Yahweh has graced me. It is the sympathetic ear, the warm embrace, the conversations I can have in which I share with my students something some of them have never heard before: "You matter. I love you. Now, go change the world."

Prom

Well, another year, another prom. Ok, so it's only my second one. (I didn't go my first year teaching and I never went to one when I was in high school). Still, it was pretty cool.

The best parts: the kids, my coworkers, the decorations. Proms are so much more fun when there are people there you enjoy spending time with. Most of my Spanish II class was there (2 out of 3 kids!) and some of my Spanish I kids. There were also some girls I haven't really had in class, but whom I love and have bonded with. They all looked very pretty and were so fun to just chat with. I even got pictures with a couple of students, though I had to get one of them to sneak the other's phone away from her so I could get a copy of the picture!

I also got to hang out with some of my coworkers whom I enjoy. It is way different and more fun when you have friends at work with whom you can spend time at these social events. It's also more fun to go to Prom voluntarily rather than as a required chaperone. Plus I could leave at a decent hour so I can get some sleep tonight before ecclesia tomorrow.

The worst part was the music. Really, everything else was cool. Even some of the songs were ok, but for the most part the music was LOUD and pretty much the same style songs over and over again. Finally after an hour someone asked the DJ to play songs the kids could dance to, and after that the kids started dancing, though the music didn't seem to get any better in my opinion.

After this LOUDness, I stepped outside, where many kids were getting some air (or perhaps secretly also escaping the music) and I got to chat with more friends and students.

Also, I got free glo-bracelets.

All in all a good time. I hope everyone else is having a fun and safe Prom 2014!

Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

Today marks the end of teacher appreciation week! Some of my kids even said thank you and the PTO gave us gift baskets. For all my fellow teachers, Happy Teacher Appreciation week! I know you are appreciated even if you don't ever get told. My kids tell me all the time, but that only really started this year.

But kids will be kids and it IS May, so everyone is a little more squirrelly than usual. Not that they're bad per se, but that they're slightly very much less inclined to stay seated and focus on a reading passage. I've been asked 5 times by coworkers if it was a full moon since the 1st of May alone. Aside from the warm weather, we all know that the end is near. The end of school, that is, and so, somehow, we attempt to hasten it along by being disruptive and having much drama.

It helps that we didn't get a Spring Break this year, so everyone is extra tired.

So, blogging world, let me ask you a question. If you had a perfectly good shirt--one you can wear in public and not one of those ratty ones you use to bleach the toilet in--and you wore it to school one day, would you put staples in it? No? Well tell that to two of my most interesting students, who apparently during band class, stapled the bottom of their shirts with staples.

No, I don't know why.

Then, when one of them was done with their work at the end of the last class of the day, she asks me if she could stand by the trashcan and pick them out of her shirt. I, of course, said yes. She stood there and picked out all the staples and showed me the holes in the bottom of her shirt. I was all, "What did you think would happen?" She laughed. I'm pretty sure she didn't care. Of course, if I had bought her that shirt I think I would care just a tad. I expressed this view to her about her parents not liking this, but she said she got the shirt from her friend anyway... at which point I reminded her that her friend's parents probably wouldn't appreciate it either.

In other news, Prom is tomorrow and graduation is next week. For the first time, I have seniors in my classes, so they all have to take their finals Monday and Tuesday. I'm happy for them. Graduation always gives me a sense of nostalgia and burgeoning hope for the future. The end of a chapter has happened and the new one is fresh and without mistakes in it. For all we know, these kids are the next presidents and CEOs and farmers and librarians. They are the next stay-at-home moms and teachers to nurture the next generation. They are the next success stories, and we get to see it all from the beginning. It's exciting!

And knowing I had a part in this makes me feel very appreciated...or at least important... as a teacher.

The Tarantula

This little guy visited me in class today.

Just more proof that my students are crazy fun people. 

Actually, this little guy visited two of my classes today. His name shall not be mentioned, as students tend to pick...off color...names. But yes, he is a tarantula. And I even touched him! 

He comes with one of my students who just found him on the side of the road and decided to keep him. Why, I don't know. Why she decided to bring it to school is a bigger mystery. I know she wanted to show the science teacher, but still... (and just FYI I teach Spanish and English, not science.)

So what I learned about tarantulas today is that they are very active creatures. He kept moving his little spider fangs up and down while staring at me! He also scuttled around quite a lot. Usually, wild creatures in boxes are still but apparently not tarantulas. 

They're also not THAT scary. I touched it and it jumped, and I jumped, and a random girl in my class jumped... yeah, it was a jumpy kind of experience. 

Still, I wouldn't want to own one... and I'm still not sure why I'd bring one to school if I did.

I'm for nice safe class pets... like rodents! Mammals rule! I'm even good with reptiles. But not insects and certainly not spiders, which are arachnids, not insects. 

Why My Students Are the Most Awesome Kids in the World

1) They're brave.

2) They're strong.

3) They're able to overcome anything.

4) They're still sweet, in spite of everything.

5) They're valuable and they matter.

6) They are smart.

7) They are funny.

8) They're really loyal to their friends.

9) They've made it this far and beyond.

10) They're MINE.

Why My Students Are Some of the Most Interesting People in the World: Spanish II Edition

Ok, just when I thought kids couldn't get any more insane...

1) Their favorite songs are "Stacy's Mom" and "Jesse's Girl." These songs were made before I was alive let alone them.

2) They actually do their work when I play these songs in class. It's like Fluffy from Harry Potter. Music soothes the savage student.

3) They continually bring food to class. Today I think they brought the whole grocery store. Takis, Funyuns, chips, and they top it all with Tapatio sauce.

4) The things we talk about in class. (What happens in Spanish II stays in Spanish II)

ANDDDDD

5) Today I get into class (there are three students total) and ask if one of the students is there today since she's not in the room. The other two students say that she left early and, naturally, I believe them. I hand out worksheets, begin teaching the new verb we're studying, and all the while the students are eating. I don't mind if they eat as long as they pay attention.

About 15 minutes into class, they ask if I had napkins in my white closet/cabinet in the back of the room still. Slightly annoyed at this interruption, I tell them they can go check and to make wiser decisions about what they eat in class. One of them gets up to get the napkins and picks up an old black bag that was stuffed in the closet from when I got here as it has fallen on the floor. This prompts the other girl to get up and go see what else is in the closet. She says, "So they just left you a bunch of stuff when you got here?"

"Yes," I say, preparing to wrangle them back to their seats.

"Well I think someone left you a ******" (name of student removed for privacy.)

I turn around, incredulous. Yes, yes she WAS hiding on the bottom shelf of the closet cabinet for 15 minutes. I just stare....

5 minutes later we resume class. Once I've stopped crying from laughter.

How to Grow the Kingdom

So, there are some days when I'm completely silly and worried about not growing in the Kingdom. Like it's possible to stagnate. I have no idea why I worry about such things. I don't think I will anymore.

Yahweh told me that life doesn't have to hurt all the time. He also said it was time to build. But boy... that verse is right when it says the Kingdom suffers violence and the violent take it by force. (Matthew 11:12).

Thus, I've decided on a basic recipe on how to grow the Kingdom based on my own experience thus far:

Incredients:

1 Word (with all grace released)
1 part conflict
2 parts courage
1 part steadfastness
1 part excitement
1 part standing on the edge of a cliff and looking down
1 part FAITH

Method:

1. Hear the Word.
2. Obey the Word.
3. Hold fast to the Word.
4. JUMP over the edge.
5. Never forget that the battle is already won.

Deuteronomy 7:9, Deuteronomio 7:9

I love this verse, and I just thought I'd share it with you. It means so much to me and I have some awesome revelation about it but I also know Yahweh can talk to YOU about it and what it means for you.

 Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments;


To me, it means that 1,000 generations from now, Yahweh will still be faithful and keeping covenant with my family and my descendants. That generational blessings last forever, while generational curses only last 3 or 4 generations and can always be cut off sooner. That the Kingdom is forever.

It's a beautiful thing.


***

Me encanta este verso y quería compartirlo con ustedes. Tiene mucha importancia para mi y tengo unas revelaciones muy maravillosas del verso pero también sé que Yahweh puede hablar con USTEDES del verso y que significa para ustedes.

Conoce, pues, que Jehová, tu Dios, es Dios, Dios fiel, que guarda el pacto y la misericordia a los que le aman y guardan sus mandamientos, hasta por mil generaciones, 

Para mi, significa que 1,000 generaciones de ahora, Yahweh todavía va a ser fiel y manteniendo el pacto con mi familia y descendientes. Que bendiciones generacionales duran para siempre mientras maldiciones generacionales sólo duran 3 o 4 generaciones y siempre se pueden cortar más temprano. Que el reino de Yahweh dura para siempre. 

¡Es algo bellísima! 

Saturday School

For those of you who don't know, the law requires a certain number of minutes be spent in school each year in the public school system. This most ridiculous silly well-thought out law meant that I got to spend the day with my lovely little ducklings, aka my students.

They were surprisingly good. I'm very proud of them for even coming to school (which a surprising amount of them did) and then when they were in school, not killing anybody (always a plus) and actually accomplishing something! Go kids!

Of course, there had to be some things to make the day interesting. The first was a good one, I took lunch duty. I rather love lunch duty because it allows me to bond with the kids in a different setting than the classroom. Today it allowed me to play a game of "knockout" basketball with them.

Now, I admit, I am terrible at sports. Furthermore, all the kids know it. They rather like to watch my attempts, but they've actually taught me a few things that mean that I can now make a basket much of the time! Anyway, knockout is a game in which two people with two basketballs attempt to make a basket first. We stand in a line awaiting our turn and the person in front of the second person has to make the basket before the person behind them does or they're out. I'm proud to say I made it to the final five or six at least once and was never the first one out. (If anyone knows my sports history, they'll find this miraculous). It was so fun!

Then, we did more class, which I'll admit, was not as rigorous as it might be on other days. In fact, we mostly played games or read books. Still, the other interesting thing happened last hour when I again attempted to play the game Taboo with my class.

This is the game we were playing in this post, where one of my students launched himself at a wall because he'd scored his team a point. I really should stop playing this game because today, he managed to tip his desk over and then, as we were trying to right it, drop it on my foot. PS, I now have a giant, swollen bruise on top of my foot.

I really love that child. I'm not being sarcastic, either. He is the source of my most interesting teaching stories. Still, I wish he'd avoid injuring people--myself included!

Anyway, all in all, Saturday school wasn't so bad. The worst part was being tired. Not so much physically as all around. Being mentally and emotionally tired is so much harder than mere physical fatigue. I feel so much better now that I've been home a few hours and had a chance to relax a bit. (Reading Harry Potter while soaking in a warm bath is rather relaxing...)

On the plus side, the principal brought donuts for the majority of the teachers and because I don't eat things like that, she brought me bacon and eggs. :)

Still, next time we have the option of Saturday school, I shall again vote no.

Right Response

Have you ever noticed that when you're tired, it's much harder to control yourself? Your emotions, your thoughts, and your responses seem to grow to unmanageable proportions. Every little thing irritates you and you have a hard time focussing on the important stuff.

Such are certain seasons of our lives, and one I'm in right now. Well, not continually. My alarm didn't go off this morning and I got an extra hour of sleep...which made my day 10 times better! But tomorrow, Saturday, I have to go to work because of a make up snow day... lame. 

Plus, it's crunch time. This is what I call the last month of any school year. You know the one. It's the time of year when everyone has to get in one last major project and field trip, when all the state tests are required, and when the children all decide that since the weather is warm, they should be outside playing instead of stuck in a boring classroom. Can't say I disagree with them. Still, I don't really appreciate their attempts to make the boring classroom look like outside. Then there are the endless after school and weekend meetings, the final exams that I have to write, all grades that have to be in before we leave for summer, and the inevitable need to put all of my scholastic possessions in boxes so the custodial staff can clean things up while we're gone. Plus I have to gather a billion forms to copy so the state believes I really did attend all those boring super useful professional development meetings. 

Thus, I'm tired. And so I find myself yelling at my students on a daily basis. Not that I'm super angry at them or have begun disliking them in any way, but when their noise level exceeds all reason, I feel my voice must become louder than theirs to reestablish calm. This is instinctive and also wrong. I really am tired of yelling and must find a new response to this. Still, I have a good enough relationship with them all that it hasn't effected our classes or even their opinion of me. This is something for which I'm grateful. 

Aside from all that, the enemy has decided that this is the perfect time to attack my identity. The joke is on him, though, because I am a first-fruiter and also a first fruit, so my harvest is guaranteed and there's nothing he can do to mess with it. Thus, even though people have done many things recently that have hurt my feelings and made me think they don't really see the value in me that they should, I have been able--for the  most part--to overcome these things for the glory of Yahweh and by His grace. My value in myself is not shaken, and while I have been angered and hurt by the things these people have done, I have no doubt that their motives were not purposed to hurt me. 

Still, it is crunch time, and I feel the need to remind myself that Yahweh has graced me for such a time as this. He can, in spite of everything, enable me to have a right response to the unfavorable situations in which I might find myself. He has, in fact, already done so because He finished it all when He released all grace for us. Now all I have to do is respond in faith... the right response. Fortunately, He has released the grace for that, too. I'm really really glad I'm Yahweh's.  

Why My Students Are Some of the Most Interesting People in the World

Obviously, I must protect my students' (and my own) privacy, but here are some of my favorite teaching stories from recently:

1) One boy, who is super hyper and almost always unable to sit through a whole class period, managed to survive state testing... (for those of you who don't know, this is where students sit still for 5 mornings a week for approximately 4 hour stretches with 5-15 minute breaks in between). During break, though, he could get a bit unruly. One day, while they were drinking their juice and eating their granola bars, he began running around the room because of something another student had said. I yelled at him to stop because he was going to spill his juice. So he stopped, and, standing perfectly still, spilled his juice right in front of me.

2) This same boy, later that day while we were playing a game, managed to launch himself off of the desk he was sitting on and fly halfway across the room because he'd just scored his team a point. I literally turned around to pull the next question and when I looked back, he was sprawled across the floor inches from the whiteboard.

3) One girl, who is very small, just sat inside a locker before class one day and waved at me to prove she could fit. I took a photo.

4) I travel from one classroom to another over the course of my school day and the kids are always there before me since they have that same classroom for another class. One day as I arrived in this classroom, I found the kids tying another kid up with duck tape. "He wanted it!" the cried. I just kind of nodded and told them they couldn't move until I got a picture.

5) My students are no longer allowed to eat in one of my classes because they argued over a Nutella jar (out of which they like to eat spoonfuls) and it somehow ended up flying across the room while I was trying to teach.

6) They make marshmallow mustaches.

7) They take nicknames seriously and make very odd ones for their friends and classmates (which would be insulting to anyone else.)

8) Some students cannot go one day without drawing random inventions on my whiteboard. Other teachers, in walking by, have claimed the drawings look inappropriate. In that case, the student in question was drawing a basketball court.

9) The stories they tell.... which I shall not repeat!

10) One day, two of my students got a hold of my phone and changed my lock screen to a picture of themselves making duck faces.

If any of my students are reading this, keep up the funny stuff! Also, study... finals are coming up! For those of you who are not my students, enjoy the humor. Teaching is never boring.

Cassondra

Teaching

This year, I became a teacher. No, it is not my first year teaching, it is my third. But this is the first year I've been able to embrace it because this is the first year I've ENJOYED it. It helps that I have not been so crippled by fear and lack of identity that I can actually see beyond my own nose. It also helps that I have really good kids this year.

But finally, FINALLY, I feel like I know what I'm doing, or at least enough to go to work everyday with my head held high and not flinch when someone calls me an expert. Because the training they gave me did nothing to make me an expert. Nothing can quite prepare you for the great responsibility and joy it is to have young minds and hearts to shape and change.

Teaching is different every day. Each day, a child walks into your classroom having had experiences over the brief amount of time since you last saw them that you know nothing about. Some have lost relatives, others had fights with friends. Others just disappeared and you later hear they moved in with a relative you didn't even know they had. (I think I had one student for all of a week before he moved in with his grandparents.) Still others just had the best night of their lives. And all of them are sitting in a desk patiently waiting for you to impart unto them knowledge... yeah right! They're all standing around talking and laughing or crying and complaining or a combination of all of these and somehow your voice has to become louder than these fights or joys or simple hunger to drive a small bit of information into their brains.

But actually, I find the information driving to be less important that the character developing. I think teaching children to be honest and good-hearted people is much more important that teaching them how to write a sentence or what an adverb is. Still, it is telling them what adverbs and such are that allows me to keep my job, which is what allows me to teach them character and also build them up toward brighter futures. (Which will require both honesty and the ability to write a sentence, no matter how much they tell you otherwise!) See, I didn't say sentence writing was UNimportant, just less so. ;)

But it's not all heavy responsibility and attempting to bypass teenage drama. Some of my students are the most hilarious people. Others are poets. Still others are super helpful. Some just want to be noticed, and others just want to be left alone. Each of them is unique, a treasure hidden deep inside a small person who doesn't know how to let it out or if it's even safe to do so.

I have good kids, and they are mine, but really they are Yahweh's and entrusted to me for but a short time. They come with backgrounds that I couldn't even begin to imagine and, for the most part, worldviews that I just want to shake them out of. But beyond all that, deep inside, is the treasure that Yahweh placed there waiting to be discovered. Though I can see glimpses, my prayer for them is that one day they will be able to see it for themselves in it's entirety. That they will recognize their own value.

A Sense of Wonder

Hello! I know, I know, I haven't blogged in ages. I don't even know if anyone will read this, but I may as well write it, if only for the sheer joy of writing again. For writing is a wonder.

(Here we do what we in the writing field call "a transition.") Speaking of wonder, I was thinking recently about the sense of wonder that small children have when they first discover something. If you've ever hung out with a toddler who is just learning to talk, they want to tell you everything. They enthusiastically point out a small round bouncing object and shout, "BALL!" And we smile and nod and act all proud that they can, not only say the word ball, but connect the it with the object it represents. But really, we aren't all that impressed in the ball. (Or even the child if she is pointing it out for the FORTIETH time that day...) We brush it aside and move on, busy with our important, adult lives.

But what did we just ignore? Surely it isn't important to stop and look at a ball. After all, we've seen thousands of them before in our lives. We will probably see thousands more. And it is this, I think, that has caused us to be desensitized to them.

Because to the small two-year-old, the ball is new. He hasn't seen it before. Or if he has, he hasn't been able to communicate with you about it. He is ECSTATIC to share with you his brand new discovery that the small round bouncy object is a "ball" and to build a bridge between him and you using his new ability to communicate: language. And why not be so excited? It is exciting!

We could be just so excited. Yes, it may be the hundredth time we've seen that particular ball. It may even be the hundredth time the child has pointed out that particular ball. But maybe the child is seeing something in the ball that we, in our assurance that we know what "ball" is, have missed. A sense of wonder. For the small children are still young enough to marvel at the very thing called existence. And all the things we now take for granted. He or she embraces fully the new situation because, to them, everything is new. But everything can also be renewed.

For are not His mercies new every morning?

So maybe next time a small child points out a ball (or flower, or dog, or crayon) to you, you might join in their excitement, share in their sense of wonder and accomplishment in recognizing that yes, that is, in fact, a ball. That it, in fact, is.