Right Response

Have you ever noticed that when you're tired, it's much harder to control yourself? Your emotions, your thoughts, and your responses seem to grow to unmanageable proportions. Every little thing irritates you and you have a hard time focussing on the important stuff.

Such are certain seasons of our lives, and one I'm in right now. Well, not continually. My alarm didn't go off this morning and I got an extra hour of sleep...which made my day 10 times better! But tomorrow, Saturday, I have to go to work because of a make up snow day... lame. 

Plus, it's crunch time. This is what I call the last month of any school year. You know the one. It's the time of year when everyone has to get in one last major project and field trip, when all the state tests are required, and when the children all decide that since the weather is warm, they should be outside playing instead of stuck in a boring classroom. Can't say I disagree with them. Still, I don't really appreciate their attempts to make the boring classroom look like outside. Then there are the endless after school and weekend meetings, the final exams that I have to write, all grades that have to be in before we leave for summer, and the inevitable need to put all of my scholastic possessions in boxes so the custodial staff can clean things up while we're gone. Plus I have to gather a billion forms to copy so the state believes I really did attend all those boring super useful professional development meetings. 

Thus, I'm tired. And so I find myself yelling at my students on a daily basis. Not that I'm super angry at them or have begun disliking them in any way, but when their noise level exceeds all reason, I feel my voice must become louder than theirs to reestablish calm. This is instinctive and also wrong. I really am tired of yelling and must find a new response to this. Still, I have a good enough relationship with them all that it hasn't effected our classes or even their opinion of me. This is something for which I'm grateful. 

Aside from all that, the enemy has decided that this is the perfect time to attack my identity. The joke is on him, though, because I am a first-fruiter and also a first fruit, so my harvest is guaranteed and there's nothing he can do to mess with it. Thus, even though people have done many things recently that have hurt my feelings and made me think they don't really see the value in me that they should, I have been able--for the  most part--to overcome these things for the glory of Yahweh and by His grace. My value in myself is not shaken, and while I have been angered and hurt by the things these people have done, I have no doubt that their motives were not purposed to hurt me. 

Still, it is crunch time, and I feel the need to remind myself that Yahweh has graced me for such a time as this. He can, in spite of everything, enable me to have a right response to the unfavorable situations in which I might find myself. He has, in fact, already done so because He finished it all when He released all grace for us. Now all I have to do is respond in faith... the right response. Fortunately, He has released the grace for that, too. I'm really really glad I'm Yahweh's.