I have been thinking about families recently; it is Christmas, after all. More specifically, I was thinking about what an ideal family would look like and about the things that I have been longing for recently.
I am 28 years old, and though I very much see myself as a wife and a mother one day, I have never been on a date, never had a crush, never held hands with a boy. I'm still waiting on my first kiss! This is strange in today's world unless you're a very strict fundamentalist Christian. Yes, our ecclesia had a belief for a while that dating was inappropriate, but as the culture of our youth changed, so did that belief. Yet, I have never been tempted to date.
My parents imposed no rules on my in this regard. I'm sure they would have if I had shown any interest in dating, but it really never came up. It's not that I am unaware of the physical attributes of certain males. Yet, even when I was young, the idea of crushes based solely on physical attraction made no sense to me. I was 10 when the movie "Titanic" came out, and everybody my age and up was suddenly in love with Leonardo DiCaprio, to the point where it was strange not to be. I remember my mom telling me how she'd met one lady in a store who had a child around my age and they were discussing the movie. This lady was incredulous that I was not in love with Leonardo DiCaprio.
He was a very handsome actor, yet the idea of celebrity crushes always seemed odd to me. While acknowledging the fact that these men are attractive, even at age 10 I realized that I didn't know them. How would I know if they were good people or not? All I knew of them is what they showed to the media, and that's not the measure of a man.
As I got older, I thought that perhaps I'd meet someone with similar interests or life-goals. We'd share similar values. Of course, he'd be a Christian and we'd fall in love and get married someday. Never mind that at the time I had no idea who I was and there was no way I'd be ready for that. I didn't know how that would happen, either, but I never felt the compulsion to go out and find a man, even though having a husband and children is one of the deepest desires of my heart.
When I came into the Kingdom to a level where I had started to know myself, Yahweh revealed to me that a husband and wife are joined as one in a very specific order. Just as Yahweh is a Trinity, we are trinities, made up of spirit, soul, and body. He said that a husband and a wife had to be joined first by the spirit, then in the soul, and finally...on the wedding night... physically. I rejoiced in this revelation, for a relationship not based in spirit is somewhat superficial, and that is not the kind of relationship I wanted with my husband. Still, I felt no compunction to seek out a person to whom I could be so joined. Indeed, it was and is my conviction that the man should be the leader even in this and that meanwhile I can be intercession.
But as I said, I was thinking a lot about families recently and what I would ideally want in a husband. I am very prophetic, and there are things that I see that it's difficult to share with everybody, and I realized tonight that what I wanted most in a husband is someone with whom I can share those things. Then, Yahweh showed me that I am looking for my Adam.
You see, each of us was created with a specific Promised Land, a specific Garden of Eden for our lives. It is not necessarily a physical place, though some people find their calling very much in a specific plot of land. This Garden of Eden is the metron--the dominion--which Yahweh gave us from the Beginning. It is in this land that we are to rule and reign and where we have all authority as we submit to Yahweh God. Indeed, we can create in this Promised Land, even as Adam created with Yahweh naming all of the animals.
I have found my Garden of Eden, though I haven't explored it all yet. It is vast! It will take an eternity to explore. What I realized tonight is that I can settle for no less than the Adam to this Garden of Eden, the man who is willing to join the Covenant he made with Yahweh before time to the Covenant I made with Yahweh before time so that our Gardens become One. Then, we can rule and reign together, creating and expanding our Garden in infinite increase.
Oh, how I look forward to this, to being able to share the glories that I have seen with someone who will understand and appreciate it all, with someone who will help me govern and create with me. I am so glad that I have never thought to settle for anything less, and though I have not always been patient, sometimes waiting is key. For Yahweh told me recently that time can be an ingredient in creation.
I know that it will all be worth it in the end.
PS-- This is in no way meant to be condemnation or judgment of those who do choose to date. Yahweh can join people and Gardens in various ways. Who would I be to judge? This is just how He's done it for me.
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