Everything

Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for the good to those who love Yahweh and are called according to His purpose. I used to cling to this verse hoping that it were true because I was miserable, and I hoped that misery was at least somehow working some good somewhere.

It was.

Yahweh does not cause bad things to happen. He is good and so that would not be in His nature, and yet, He does redeem those bad things to the point of full redemption, if we let Him.

I am living in a time of profound gratitude for all that Yahweh has done in my life. It's rather amazing. I'll spare the gory details, but I've been through some pretty horrible things in my life. I know there's worse things out there, but I went through some things that I never wish to experience again.

I was clinically depressed for ten years. I weighed 387 pounds. I had no friends, no hope, no future. I didn't know what happiness even looked like. And even as Yahweh began to heal all of those things, I found that process of healing could be painful. I went through a season of time where I couldn't use my muscles properly. For a week and a half, I couldn't walk, and for a month I couldn't use my arms or fingers. I've been through panic attacks where I couldn't breathe. I lived in a dark apartment with no sunlight penetrating windows. I've seen people I love go through terrible things. I had the enemy tell me to try to give up and that I didn't matter. I hated my life and I hated myself.

And what I love about this is, Yahweh has redeemed it all! He healed me of depression, restored my physical body to me. He has given me an identity that cannot be assailed by doubt or fear. He has shown me that He loves me and He never meant for me to be unhappy. He has given me a love for Him and a love for myself. And then He has given me tangible blessings: a house to live in with many windows, the ability to open the door on my car after it was wrecked. I have an adorable dog who loves me. I have friends who are willing to help me with anything. I have confidants. I get to be a part of an ecclesia full of people who are willing to give up everything to receive Yahweh's Kingdom and move it forward in the Earth.

He has restored to me what the swarming locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25-27) and given me even more than I ever could have imagined.

Beyond that, He has made me into a person that I like. I am strong and courageous. I am faithful. I have Holy Spirit's power leading me and giving me the ability to do anything. I get to pour into the lives of the next generation. I can write poems and novels and blog posts. And I am still growing.

I am in tears at the marvels that Yahweh has done in my life and I'm even more amazed to know: there is more than even this!

And through all of it, everything, Yahweh was there, being my God, loving me, carrying me through the bad times and establishing me in the good times. He took care of me and is taking care of me. I was never alone, though I thought that was all I'd ever be. He will always be there for me, and He will always be the sovereign, redeeming, Lord and King of all.

This is my God, the One who can do such things, and I am so profoundly grateful...

For EVERYTHING.