New Job

They say it's unwise to post about your job on social media, so this is not about my new job, though I am very excited and happy to have started this week at a new junior high school. However, at any such turning point in my life, I cannot help but reflect on where I am now and where I used to be--where I could still be without Yahweh.

I am starting my sixth year teaching this year and my second teaching position. Overall, this is my fourth occupation, and I am just amazed at the place where Yahweh has brought me.

Five years ago when I started teaching, I was not the same person that I am now. I was so afraid and unsure of myself. I didn't know what to do or how to make friends and I always wanted friends, but not for the reason that I enjoy relationships with people now. Back then, I needed people to validate and approve of me because I could not validate and approve of myself. Just before I started teaching, I began to realize that everybody didn't hate me, but I was not aware that people might really like me for me or be able to help me acclimate to a new setting. I was sure that they would hate me automatically if I messed up or made just one mistake. I thought I would get in major trouble if I didn't do everything just so.

Ten years ago when I got my first job working retail at a clothing store, I was almost 400 pounds and severely depressed. I did not know how to interact with people hardly at all, and I was not sure there would ever be happiness or joy in my life. I didn't know how to do anything and I was too afraid to admit when I needed help with something.

In both of these situations, I was so weighted down and stressed out. I felt so burdened every day, and each morning I woke up already afraid of what the day would bring and what mistakes I might make in it. I literally made myself sick, and any task that was asked of me caused me fear unless it was something I knew I could do well. This didn't happen very often, as the things I did best were intellectual and academic. I was not adept at socializing--how could I be if I thought everyone would hate me-- and all of the positions I took required people skills, something I have since learned in what they call "on the job training."

Even now, people confuse me sometimes. Yahweh has revealed things to me recently that help me to understand people a little better, but it is still only something I can do with Him. Yet, I am no longer moved to fear when people respond to me in ways I do not expect or understand.

I cannot describe the difference, the steadiness, that I experienced this week in comparison to the first days in my previous positions. I was not nervous or afraid. I was not worried about making friends. I was not overly stressed by what was asked of me. Each time I was tempted to fear, I remembered that I can do anything with Yahweh and that He has given me all power in my metron.

I am not naive to the difficulties that come with teaching teenagers, nor am I saying that I have not been completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work, new information, and expansion of it all. (The school at which I teach now is bigger than the entire district I worked for previously.) Yet, not once have I been tempted to stress out, doubt myself, or fear.

I know that this would not have even been possible two months ago. Indeed, in May I was stressed to the point of tears trying to make sure I ended the school year without making any mistakes and getting all of the students to turn in their assignments before grades were due.

But Yahweh. He changed that. He fixed the part of me that thought I wasn't worthy of love or respect if I did something wrong. He taught me that I don't have to believe the lies of the enemy that I am subject to circumstances or things beyond my control. He gave me the power to stand up and believe in myself. He did all of this in time for me to accept my new position and take my place.

I am not even sure how He did it. I mean, I can look back and see the process, and yet... My God is the most amazing God... There is nothing too big for Him. He can do all things, and I can do all things through Christ.