Last night, I came home exhausted from a long day working in the sun and then going to ecclesia, which is always awesome, but ends late. Also, it's the annual end-of-summer threshold. All I wanted to do when I got home point was go to sleep. It was about midnight when I was ready to do so.
I was journaling after ecclesia just before bed when I notice a giant (huge, enormous) insect flying around my room. It looked somewhat like a hornet or wasp-type thing, and though I wasn't actually close enough to examine it, the possibility that it was a stinging type insect was there and real.
I have been afraid of stinging insects, and basically insects in general, since I was six years old.
So I spent the next hour trying to find the stupid sucker because it disappeared and I wanted to kill it and sleep because I was pretty sure I couldn't sleep unless I found it, but I had to find it and spray it because I didn't really want to get close to that sucker. Plus, the last place I saw it was RIGHT BY MY HEADBOARD! I was miserable and crying and yes, I cussed that...insect...out a bit.
Ironically, I had been learning about fear recently. Kingdom people have no room to fear, and every year at the end of summer, the enemy tries to put me through the fear-wringer. This year, Yahweh has given me so much beautiful revelation and peace that the internal fear that the enemy used in years past wasn't strong enough to distract me as it had been.
Enter the hornet. Because if the enemy can't distract you with one fear, he will try another. Yes, on the grand scheme of things, fearing being stung by an insect is small and stupid, but it was a distraction that kept me from going to sleep for an extra hour when I really needed sleep. I doubt Yahweh needed me to focus on the stupid insect when we could've been resting or talking together about something else!
All of this showed me that even the stupid little fears we have need to go. I have learned that it's not my job to get rid of them, however, but simply to trust Yahweh and allow Him to remove them.
I never did find that hornet. I spoke death over it, so I hope that it is dead and gone and will never torment me again. (Because, really, it is trespassing! This is my metron and I did NOT invite any insects into it!) But I did go to sleep. I slept through the night with a hornet in my room. It may still be here somewhere. But I am at peace because I trust Yahweh. Trusting Yahweh is the only way to have peace.
And for whatever fears my try to come against me:
I am not a slave to fear
For Yahweh's called me,
brought me here
He takes my hand and leads me in
To places where I've longed to go.
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