Matthew 14:22-33 tells the familiar story of Yahshua walking on water. I won't recite it all here, but basically as He is walking toward the disciples out of the storm, they are all very frightened because they think He is a ghost. In their minds, only a ghostly being could walk upon water.
When He calls out, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid." Peter answers Him saying that if it really is Him, He should call out to Peter and Peter would get out of the boat and walk on the water to Him.
Now, Peter is often disparaged in this story, but consider the faith it took for him to get out of the boat. Then, when he starts to sink--for the waves were strong--he called out, "Lord save me!"
Every time I've heard this story, I have heard Peter derided a bit. Yes, he has been given credit for getting out of the boat, but it is often said of him that he "had starting faith but not finishing faith" or that he "began to doubt halfway there that he could even walk on water." Tonight, Yahweh showed me something different.
Because when you start to sink, crying out to Yahshua to save you is the exact right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with, when you're out on the water--walking in your purpose--and the waves start rising--opposition comes against you--you going back to Yahweh and rest in His Presence and have Him remind you that He is Lord and He can save you.
Which is all Yahshua was doing when He reached out and said, "Oh ye of little faith. Why did you doubt?"
Because Peter was not doubting simply that he could walk on water. He was doubting the Christ. Yahshua was saying, "Why did you doubt yourself? Why did you doubt I would save you? Why did you ever think it was even possible for you to sink and drown? Don't you trust me?"
And when He reached out His hand and saved Peter, Peter did have finishing faith because Peter did not drown. Peter got back up and walked back to the boat with Yahshua.
Now look at our lives. I am in the middle of my second week of school with students. Before school started, I was all gung-ho walking in freedom and, "Let's go walk and run and dance and play on the water!"
Then, the waves started getting higher. Some things happened that were not expected and not pleasant, and while sometimes I responded right, I know there are times when I started to sink. There was definitely one night when I had to cry out, "Lord save me!" Does that mean I failed? That I didn't have enough faith? No, because I called out to my Lord, my Christ, and He did save me. He showed me this:
Never believe you are sinking. Never doubt you are walking on a solid surface. It is not the exterior appearance of the surface that you are walking on, whether that be water or cement or rock or sand, but the internal Presence of Holiness that causes the surface to be smooth and steady, certain and solid. This--Holy Spirit--makes your path sure, for did He not promise to direct you paths if you trusted Him with all your heart? (Proverbs 3:5-6) He did not specify out of what material your path would be made. He only said it would be a path and that He would direct you in it.
Also, my awesome friend brought the song "Oceans" by Hillsong United back into my life last night. I hadn't listened to it in a while, but it is an amazing song. The whole thing is about walking on oceans and trusting Yahweh no matter what and I remembered tonight as I was listening to the Spanish version that "Oceans" was the first song I tried to dance to in November 2013.
Because in November 2013, I mysteriously and temporarily lost the ability to walk for a time. I regained that ability slowly and with practice and I have received a lot of revelation from it. One day, the first time I could take a shower by myself again, I was in the bathroom at my parents' house and I was listening to "Oceans" and walking in a circle (because that was all the dancing I could do at the time.) I was worshipping Yahweh and walking. How marvelous is the ability to walk!
But I remembered that tonight and it made me realize this: you cannot walk on the water if you cannot walk at all. The external, the circumstances and the surfaces we are called to walk on, is not the issue. The issue is what--Who--is inside of us. Because the Christ in me is the hope of glory. It is He who taught me to walk again. It is He who gives me the courage to step into what seems impossible and it is He who will keep me safe and sound until I reach the other side, until impossibility becomes commonplace and His glory is complete.
HalleluYah! I can walk on water! My Christ is in me and He will keep me safe wherever I go.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Testing, Testing....
I've been thinking a lot about testing lately. As a teacher, I know what testing is for, and I use it a lot in my job. We all know what it is like when Yahweh tests us.
Our response to a test determines how we view the concept of testing. If we were poor test-takers in school or if tests produced fear and anxiety in us, we are not likely to view testing as a positive thing. The anxiety comes from the worry that we will not pass the test, that we will somehow fail and have to go through the whole process of learning again just so that we can come to another time of testing and attempt to pass once more.
I was always a good test-taker in school, largely because I have a good memory and a good grasp of writing, so tests in school never bothered me. However, until recently, the tests that Yahweh gave me always produced a feeling of anxiety. Firstly, I had that fear of "what if I respond wrongly and have to go through this whole process again?" Secondly, I always felt that the reason I was being tested was because I had done something wrong.
As a teacher, I know better. We do not give tests arbitrarily. We give tests when we come to the end of a unit, when we are sure that our kids have learned everything they need to learn to pass this test, and when we think they have all the tools needed to do well. No teacher wants their students to fail. I have, many times, postponed a quiz on the day I planned to give it because I saw that my students just weren't ready.
A friend once told me that she saw tests as an opportunity to show everyone how smart she was.
This is how we should view tests too, for Yahweh is a good teacher, certainly better than I. He does not throw tests at us at random times. He gives them to us when He knows we're ready for them. He has taught us a concept, given us a revelation, and now He is showing us what we know. He is omniscient, so He knows what we know. He does not need to test us to see what we are capable of. We, however, need to see what we are capable of.
So He gives us a test, not because we've done something wrong but because we've done something right, because we've moved into a place of maturity where we have learned enough to be tested on something. He gives us a test to cement what we know in us, so that we can never doubt that we know what we know.
Because once we've passed that test, any subsequent adversity that tries to come against us and say that we don't really know something seems silly. We can hold up that passing of the test and say, "Oh, no! You can't fool me. I know what I know!"
Testing is a good thing, though it doesn't always seem so in the moment. It is a sign of maturity and the ending of a season. Once we pass that test, we move on to the next unit, the next concept, the next revelation, the next dimension. We needn't be tested on that concept again, or at least not in that way. Yes, that concept may show up on a later test, in a later unit, but it will be more in depth, more detailed. You're only going to learn more! You're only going to grow!
And then there's the pre-test. That test you take before you start a unit so that your teacher can tell what they need to hit hard and what they can quickly mention and move on from. Pre-tests tell you what you already know, and then they tell you what you're going to learn.
Again, pre-tests are not bad. We cannot be perfect yet, so we cannot know everything. It is no shame to need to learn something, and pre-tests give us direction. They, too, can give us confidence because often we know more than we think. Still, even in the things we don't know, we find that Yahweh is a patient teacher and that He will teach us all that we need so that, when we come to the test at the end of the unit, we will see how much improvement we have made since the beginning.
Sometimes, the contrast is a beautiful thing.
Our response to a test determines how we view the concept of testing. If we were poor test-takers in school or if tests produced fear and anxiety in us, we are not likely to view testing as a positive thing. The anxiety comes from the worry that we will not pass the test, that we will somehow fail and have to go through the whole process of learning again just so that we can come to another time of testing and attempt to pass once more.
I was always a good test-taker in school, largely because I have a good memory and a good grasp of writing, so tests in school never bothered me. However, until recently, the tests that Yahweh gave me always produced a feeling of anxiety. Firstly, I had that fear of "what if I respond wrongly and have to go through this whole process again?" Secondly, I always felt that the reason I was being tested was because I had done something wrong.
As a teacher, I know better. We do not give tests arbitrarily. We give tests when we come to the end of a unit, when we are sure that our kids have learned everything they need to learn to pass this test, and when we think they have all the tools needed to do well. No teacher wants their students to fail. I have, many times, postponed a quiz on the day I planned to give it because I saw that my students just weren't ready.
A friend once told me that she saw tests as an opportunity to show everyone how smart she was.
This is how we should view tests too, for Yahweh is a good teacher, certainly better than I. He does not throw tests at us at random times. He gives them to us when He knows we're ready for them. He has taught us a concept, given us a revelation, and now He is showing us what we know. He is omniscient, so He knows what we know. He does not need to test us to see what we are capable of. We, however, need to see what we are capable of.
So He gives us a test, not because we've done something wrong but because we've done something right, because we've moved into a place of maturity where we have learned enough to be tested on something. He gives us a test to cement what we know in us, so that we can never doubt that we know what we know.
Because once we've passed that test, any subsequent adversity that tries to come against us and say that we don't really know something seems silly. We can hold up that passing of the test and say, "Oh, no! You can't fool me. I know what I know!"
Testing is a good thing, though it doesn't always seem so in the moment. It is a sign of maturity and the ending of a season. Once we pass that test, we move on to the next unit, the next concept, the next revelation, the next dimension. We needn't be tested on that concept again, or at least not in that way. Yes, that concept may show up on a later test, in a later unit, but it will be more in depth, more detailed. You're only going to learn more! You're only going to grow!
And then there's the pre-test. That test you take before you start a unit so that your teacher can tell what they need to hit hard and what they can quickly mention and move on from. Pre-tests tell you what you already know, and then they tell you what you're going to learn.
Again, pre-tests are not bad. We cannot be perfect yet, so we cannot know everything. It is no shame to need to learn something, and pre-tests give us direction. They, too, can give us confidence because often we know more than we think. Still, even in the things we don't know, we find that Yahweh is a patient teacher and that He will teach us all that we need so that, when we come to the test at the end of the unit, we will see how much improvement we have made since the beginning.
Sometimes, the contrast is a beautiful thing.
Sunday, August 2, 2015
Life Lessons from a Hornet
Last night, I came home exhausted from a long day working in the sun and then going to ecclesia, which is always awesome, but ends late. Also, it's the annual end-of-summer threshold. All I wanted to do when I got home point was go to sleep. It was about midnight when I was ready to do so.
I was journaling after ecclesia just before bed when I notice a giant (huge, enormous) insect flying around my room. It looked somewhat like a hornet or wasp-type thing, and though I wasn't actually close enough to examine it, the possibility that it was a stinging type insect was there and real.
I have been afraid of stinging insects, and basically insects in general, since I was six years old.
So I spent the next hour trying to find the stupid sucker because it disappeared and I wanted to kill it and sleep because I was pretty sure I couldn't sleep unless I found it, but I had to find it and spray it because I didn't really want to get close to that sucker. Plus, the last place I saw it was RIGHT BY MY HEADBOARD! I was miserable and crying and yes, I cussed that...insect...out a bit.
Ironically, I had been learning about fear recently. Kingdom people have no room to fear, and every year at the end of summer, the enemy tries to put me through the fear-wringer. This year, Yahweh has given me so much beautiful revelation and peace that the internal fear that the enemy used in years past wasn't strong enough to distract me as it had been.
Enter the hornet. Because if the enemy can't distract you with one fear, he will try another. Yes, on the grand scheme of things, fearing being stung by an insect is small and stupid, but it was a distraction that kept me from going to sleep for an extra hour when I really needed sleep. I doubt Yahweh needed me to focus on the stupid insect when we could've been resting or talking together about something else!
All of this showed me that even the stupid little fears we have need to go. I have learned that it's not my job to get rid of them, however, but simply to trust Yahweh and allow Him to remove them.
I never did find that hornet. I spoke death over it, so I hope that it is dead and gone and will never torment me again. (Because, really, it is trespassing! This is my metron and I did NOT invite any insects into it!) But I did go to sleep. I slept through the night with a hornet in my room. It may still be here somewhere. But I am at peace because I trust Yahweh. Trusting Yahweh is the only way to have peace.
And for whatever fears my try to come against me:
I am not a slave to fear
For Yahweh's called me,
brought me here
He takes my hand and leads me in
To places where I've longed to go.
I was journaling after ecclesia just before bed when I notice a giant (huge, enormous) insect flying around my room. It looked somewhat like a hornet or wasp-type thing, and though I wasn't actually close enough to examine it, the possibility that it was a stinging type insect was there and real.
I have been afraid of stinging insects, and basically insects in general, since I was six years old.
So I spent the next hour trying to find the stupid sucker because it disappeared and I wanted to kill it and sleep because I was pretty sure I couldn't sleep unless I found it, but I had to find it and spray it because I didn't really want to get close to that sucker. Plus, the last place I saw it was RIGHT BY MY HEADBOARD! I was miserable and crying and yes, I cussed that...insect...out a bit.
Ironically, I had been learning about fear recently. Kingdom people have no room to fear, and every year at the end of summer, the enemy tries to put me through the fear-wringer. This year, Yahweh has given me so much beautiful revelation and peace that the internal fear that the enemy used in years past wasn't strong enough to distract me as it had been.
Enter the hornet. Because if the enemy can't distract you with one fear, he will try another. Yes, on the grand scheme of things, fearing being stung by an insect is small and stupid, but it was a distraction that kept me from going to sleep for an extra hour when I really needed sleep. I doubt Yahweh needed me to focus on the stupid insect when we could've been resting or talking together about something else!
All of this showed me that even the stupid little fears we have need to go. I have learned that it's not my job to get rid of them, however, but simply to trust Yahweh and allow Him to remove them.
I never did find that hornet. I spoke death over it, so I hope that it is dead and gone and will never torment me again. (Because, really, it is trespassing! This is my metron and I did NOT invite any insects into it!) But I did go to sleep. I slept through the night with a hornet in my room. It may still be here somewhere. But I am at peace because I trust Yahweh. Trusting Yahweh is the only way to have peace.
And for whatever fears my try to come against me:
I am not a slave to fear
For Yahweh's called me,
brought me here
He takes my hand and leads me in
To places where I've longed to go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)