I love writing. It is the way I create, using the creative ability that Yahweh placed within me for His glory. It is also the way I process things. I may have the urge to write without even knowing what I'm writing about yet, but by the end of a page, I have figured out something about my life or about what I'm walking through right now that I didn't know I would discover when I began writing. Incidentally, this is how I managed to pass many a college exam.
Today, I feel like writing, and I feel a bit pensive. There are so many things to think and worry about for a teacher this time of the year. Add to all of that the normal things that everyone goes through in their personal lives and I have been known to be exhausted this time of year.
Today, this weekend, I have no obligations. I haven't had that in a long time. I'm excited to spend the day relaxing and recovering from a very long month and preparing for what promises (in true end-of-year fashion) to be a long month ahead. I know I can only do all of this in Yahweh's strength, but that doesn't mean I don't need to just have a little "me-time." I am learning that it is important to take care of myself, to say "no" when people make requests of me. It does not mean I am selfish or inconsiderate. It just means I am prioritizing what Yahweh says is important and saving the energy that I have to spend on those things, those purposes that Yahweh established for such a time as this.
One thing that never deserves time is worrying. Worrying is probably the biggest energy-sucker and distraction I deal with. I worry about disappointing Yahweh, about not being enough. I worry about if I am going to remember all the things I have to do or if I will be able to deal with the life changes that I sense are coming. It's exhausting, worrying. It's also pointless. I know we've all heard those sayings, quotes, and even Bible verses about how silly worry is and how much of a waste of time it is. After all, if the God of the entire universe is on your side and has already fought the battle for you to win, what is there possibly to worry about? But see, worry makes no sense. Fear makes no sense. It has no reason for actually being.
Perhaps it is for this reason that I cannot argue worry away. I can't rationalize why I don't need to worry. I already know that I don't need to worry. I already know all the reasons that worry is pointless and distracting. So I can't present a new argument to my brain that will make me go, "Oh, yeah! Silly me. I won't worry anymore now!"
So how can I stop worrying about things that will probably never happen, or things that may happen, but won't change who Yahweh is? Like everything else, it comes by faith.
Sometimes, it is that daily affirmation that Yes, I believe You, Yahweh! Even though my emotions tell me I'm dying or that the very thing I most desperately want can never come to be. But I believe! I trust! I know! And if I still worry for a time, it doesn't make me any less faithful or any less full of faith. And one day, when my faith has grown stronger and is strong enough to bring Yahweh's Word from Heaven to Earth, I will no longer worry or fear. There won't be room for worry or fear because the place that they once occupied is now taken by Yahweh's Word.
And this is how the war is won. One decision of faith at a time. Not to combat or fight worry or fear by reason or even by directly addressing them, but simply to choose to believe Yahweh. Believe His Word. And believe that I will see His Word manifest in my life, in the here and now. Because fear and Yahweh's Word cannot coexist. And His Word is evident, is substantial, only by faith.
See, I love writing. Sometimes it can even build up that Most Holy Faith that is the only thing that can bring Heaven and Earth together as one.
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