All That's Dead Inside Can Be Reborn

Three years ago, when I was walking out something crushing, I bought a song on iTunes by Tenth Avenue North called "Worn."

The chorus goes:

"Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn

'Cuz I'm worn."

I used to listen to this song on repeat because I was under so much condemnation, torment, and torture from the enemy. I kept pushing through and fighting because I knew that there wasn't really any option. I was blessed by Yahweh to have nothing to go back to if I left Him. I knew that leaving Him would kill me, and I would rather die in faith than in fear.

Over the past three years, I have had the normal ups and downs that come from walking in the Kingdom, but the worst time was during the last school year when the enemy tried again to kill me. I was honestly not sure I would make it. Again, this chorus was the cry of my heart. "Let me know that all that's dead inside can be reborn." Even though I didn't yet know it, I was fighting for the manifestation of Yahweh's Promise in me, the rebirth of all that He placed in me before time and which was killed at the fall.

This morning, the song kept playing in my head, and so I listened to it on my computer. As I listened, I began to sob because I know that all that's dead inside has been reborn. I feel it! It is there. I am alive again and I am so, so grateful and blessed by this.

So I wanted to encourage you, to be the one who "lets [you] see redemption win." The struggle does end. Yahweh can mend a heart that's frail and torn. A song does rise from the ashes of a broken life, and all that is dead inside can be reborn.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ~Galatians 6:9

Fearless

Sometimes I like to touch the past, to remember how things used to be. It helps me appreciate how far I come; it causes me to be grateful. Sometimes, I start to cry with the wonder and amazement of it all.

Tonight, I was driving around the university I attended from ages 16-20 and again as a graduate student. The place has changed a lot, honestly. There are countless buildings that were not there before, a couple of new parking lots--probably not enough for all the new buildings; parking was always a problem on campus--and roads that used to be open that were closed before.

As part of my jaunt around the university, I also drove in a certain area of the town. I noticed another new Walmart and countless new gas stations and restaurants and I realized how much my homeland has changed over the past decade or so. Yet, all of this pales in comparison to how much I have changed.

To be clear, I didn't change me. I didn't do anything except take Yahweh at His Word, believing the Promise that He made me before time ever began. Now that I've received that Promise and continue to grow in ever greater and deepening revelation of the Promise, I live a life I never imagined was possible.

I vaguely remember the days when I started to live in dread. I was in pre-school or kindergarten. I remember thinking that my stomach hurt, all the while knowing that it wasn't really a stomachache. When I was a child, I caught every communicable disease I was exposed to, so I was well aware of what the stomach flu was and how it worked. This ache, this heaviness in my stomach, was different than what I experienced when I was about to throw up. Yet, it was uncomfortable and painful and there. I remember noticing it when it came, but I don't remember when it became a given. I don't remember when it became commonplace to dread the day in front of you.

Since that day when the stomachache that was not a stomachache came until these past few weeks and months, I woke up in dread every morning that I had a responsibility. This burden was somewhat lightened during school breaks, and on those special exciting days like my birthday and Christmas, it was gone, but otherwise, it was my constant companion.

Most people dread the things they cannot control, and I suppose there was an element of that to the situation. Mostly, though, I dreaded the things that I could control. I dreaded making a mistake, hurting someone's feelings, or making someone mad. I dreaded being wrong or dropping the ball or breaking something. Some mornings the dread would be so great that I would have panic attacks at the thought that I had to face the responsibilities that were ahead of me. I would try to encourage myself on those days, and I even made it through those responsibilities, performing them well. Yet, the burden and dread of failure was always upon me.

Until this summer. This summer, when I had time to process the Promise that Yahweh showed me in April and integrate the revelation of the New Covenant, which is the Promise. This Covenant was made before time between Yahweh and myself, and it cannot be broken by simple mistakes or occasional bad choices. It is to this Covenant, and not the secular or religious concepts of right and wrong that I am bound, and because it is in the Power of Yahweh that this Covenant operates, it is not something I can get wrong.

The dread was gone for months, and then school started. The normal fear and anxiety that would accompany the start of the school year was not present, though there was a bit of nervousness as I knew the Truth of the freedom from anxiety and dread would really be tested for the first time as I took on the responsibilities of my job once again.

The first week is always the week of professional development, and I was too overwhelmed to be nervous. My new position is so much bigger than my previous one, and there was a giant party with tens of thousands of dollars worth of door prizes. This was the same day I received the first copy of my first book: Promises, the Poetry of the Zadokim. 

The second week I met my kids for the first time, and I was somewhat nervous, but also excited. I had never been excited before. As the week rolled on, I realized that I was not afraid as I had always been before. I experienced a little bit of stress as I had to juggle deadlines and assignments that I had not dealt with since May, but that was it.

Then came Sunday night. Last year, I was heavily burdened by dread every Sunday as I anticipated the week ahead. It would come on as the evening came and I realized that the weekend was almost over. This Sunday, the nerves started, but there wasn't really any fear, and under the familiar nervous residue, I felt this certainty that fear was never part of my Promise and that I could be fearless. I also knew that I didn't have to wait out a long battle for that to happen.

This week, I have often started crying in wonder. I expected to be exhausted. I expected to be drained. I expected to be terrified. Or not really, because I believe Yahweh. Yet, that would have been my expectation if I were going based on what I have experienced before. But I'm not.

Because this week I have woken up every morning without dread. I've had an entire week of school that was good. This week, I have been free and I marvel and I wonder because even though I'm living in it, it is not something I had ever fathomed, ever hoped to live in.

I didn't know it was possible to live without dread. But my God... He does impossible things.

New Job

They say it's unwise to post about your job on social media, so this is not about my new job, though I am very excited and happy to have started this week at a new junior high school. However, at any such turning point in my life, I cannot help but reflect on where I am now and where I used to be--where I could still be without Yahweh.

I am starting my sixth year teaching this year and my second teaching position. Overall, this is my fourth occupation, and I am just amazed at the place where Yahweh has brought me.

Five years ago when I started teaching, I was not the same person that I am now. I was so afraid and unsure of myself. I didn't know what to do or how to make friends and I always wanted friends, but not for the reason that I enjoy relationships with people now. Back then, I needed people to validate and approve of me because I could not validate and approve of myself. Just before I started teaching, I began to realize that everybody didn't hate me, but I was not aware that people might really like me for me or be able to help me acclimate to a new setting. I was sure that they would hate me automatically if I messed up or made just one mistake. I thought I would get in major trouble if I didn't do everything just so.

Ten years ago when I got my first job working retail at a clothing store, I was almost 400 pounds and severely depressed. I did not know how to interact with people hardly at all, and I was not sure there would ever be happiness or joy in my life. I didn't know how to do anything and I was too afraid to admit when I needed help with something.

In both of these situations, I was so weighted down and stressed out. I felt so burdened every day, and each morning I woke up already afraid of what the day would bring and what mistakes I might make in it. I literally made myself sick, and any task that was asked of me caused me fear unless it was something I knew I could do well. This didn't happen very often, as the things I did best were intellectual and academic. I was not adept at socializing--how could I be if I thought everyone would hate me-- and all of the positions I took required people skills, something I have since learned in what they call "on the job training."

Even now, people confuse me sometimes. Yahweh has revealed things to me recently that help me to understand people a little better, but it is still only something I can do with Him. Yet, I am no longer moved to fear when people respond to me in ways I do not expect or understand.

I cannot describe the difference, the steadiness, that I experienced this week in comparison to the first days in my previous positions. I was not nervous or afraid. I was not worried about making friends. I was not overly stressed by what was asked of me. Each time I was tempted to fear, I remembered that I can do anything with Yahweh and that He has given me all power in my metron.

I am not naive to the difficulties that come with teaching teenagers, nor am I saying that I have not been completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work, new information, and expansion of it all. (The school at which I teach now is bigger than the entire district I worked for previously.) Yet, not once have I been tempted to stress out, doubt myself, or fear.

I know that this would not have even been possible two months ago. Indeed, in May I was stressed to the point of tears trying to make sure I ended the school year without making any mistakes and getting all of the students to turn in their assignments before grades were due.

But Yahweh. He changed that. He fixed the part of me that thought I wasn't worthy of love or respect if I did something wrong. He taught me that I don't have to believe the lies of the enemy that I am subject to circumstances or things beyond my control. He gave me the power to stand up and believe in myself. He did all of this in time for me to accept my new position and take my place.

I am not even sure how He did it. I mean, I can look back and see the process, and yet... My God is the most amazing God... There is nothing too big for Him. He can do all things, and I can do all things through Christ.

Promises

With one week to go before the release of my book, I thought I would share some of the revelation that led to me writing the book. I have already shared my revelation about Zadokim in the post "What is a Zadokim (Part 2)", which is the revelation upon which is centered my business and the books in general. However, the first book has a more specific revolution about Promises.

When we were created in the spirit realm, Yahweh spoke us into being. Whatever Yahweh speaks is a Promise. It is most assuredly True. For all who are willing, Yahweh keeps His Promises.

Each of us has a unique Promise, a unique expression and facet of Christ that will ultimately bring Him glory in the Earth by revealing a part of Him that would otherwise be unknown. We matter. Without us, certain aspects of Yahweh's character would not be known to the world at large. Without us, certain people who gravitate toward those aspects would not be reached. It is like when I am teaching something. If I explain a concept one way in my classroom, a certain percentage of my students understand what I am saying. If I explain the same concept using different words or methodologies, it will reach other students who did not understand it the first time.

So it is with the Body of Christ. Each of us is a unique individual--a way of explaining Christ to the world just by being who we are--and thus we are important. We matter. Our Promise matters.

Our Promise--who we are and what we were sent here for--is unique to each of us. Only I can be the Promise that Yahweh made me, and I can only do that if I am willing to submit to the Lordship of Christ, to Yahweh and those He has placed me under in authority. The word "promise" and the word "submit" are etymologically linked via the Latin word "mittere," which means "to send." Promise means "sent for" and submit means "sent under." Yahweh sent each of us to the places where we are for specific reasons to His glory and He placed us under certain authorities in order to help His glory in us manifest in totality.

Another linked word is "commit." This word means "sent together." We were sent with specific individuals whose Promises will link with ours to help them manifest in fullness. In my life recently, the publishing of my book is the perfect example of this. Another family in our ecclesia stepped out in faith and started a business that involved publishing. If they had not accepted their Promise, I would not be able to fulfill mine.

Each of our Promises, being unique, require different handling. There is no uniformity and no legalistic laws that everyone has to obey. The only law that matters is the Law of Love, the Law of Yahweh, which will enable our Promises to manifest in totality. That is not to say that there are not some common elements that we must all submit to. Yahweh's Law will always benefit family, for example. Yahweh's Law will always involve seed, time, and harvest. To take it down to the bare bones practicality, murder is against the Law for everyone because each of us should value the Promise of Yahweh in another person (whether or not that person is manifesting their Promise visibly at the moment).

Still, each of us will have a different Law to follow, one that is unique and tailor-made for us. How do we know what that Law is? Holy Spirit reveals it to us. That is why for one person, reading stories like "Harry Potter" might be contrary to their Promise and therefore "against the law," but for other people, it may be neutral or even beneficial to their Promise to read such stories. Yahweh speaks to me through stories and language more than anything, however in other expressions of Him--other Promises--(read, other people), He might use numbers or experiences or music.

We must each walk out our own salvation with fear and trembling, and we must each do that by valuing the Promise that Yahweh has placed in us above soulish desires, pleasures of this world, or what the other person is saying or doing. Then, we must make choices that further the Promise that Yahweh has made to us. This is impossible unless we submit to Holy Spirit and His Lordship. 

My first book is about discovering the fact that we are Promises at all and about realizing the uniqueness and importance of each individual Promise--each individual person--in the Earth. I hope that you will pick up the book and allow Holy Spirit to use what He has written through me to help you discover the Promise that He made to you before time ever began. That is the reason I am publishing this book. It is the reason I am sharing my journey. I very much value your Promise. I very much value the Promise of Yahweh that we have together as the Body of Christ. Click here to visit my author website. Sales begin August 7th.

Unity

I am so blessed by my ecclesia. I have always seen the value of my fellow Kingdomers, but I have recently been blessed by so many of them, that I am overflowing with the joy that comes from the unity in Christ.

It helps that it is summer, and I have been able to spend time with many people with whom I do not often have time to interact outside of our weekly gatherings. Whether we have been to lunch together or spent time working out or if we've just sat around their houses and talked, I have been truly been blessed by the conversation and by the facet of Christ that is in each and every one of them.

I have also recently been blessed by some wonderful people in my ecclesia who have joined me on some assignments I am stepping into. In case I haven't publicized it enough, I am publishing a book in August. This would never have been possible without the faith and courage of a family in our ecclesia who decided to start a business that includes publishing. I have had many meetings with my publisher that have not only furthered my book's publication, but inspired me to start a business myself and further my purpose as a writer--a poet and a teller of parables. I have so many more books to write now, and none of this would have been possible without this woman, her family, and their faith.

In conjunction with publishing the book is my first book release party! I have little experience planning parties, but I set up the venue and asked a few people to bring food to the party. I figured food, friends, and books would be a nice little shindig. So I asked one of my dear friends from ecclesia to bring food, and she readily agreed, then said that she would love to help me plan the party so we could "do it right." Now she's looking at Pinterest boards and planning book-related decorations and rattling off a million amazing ideas and plans. I am so beyond excited for this event!

I have also recently changed jobs, which, for a teacher, means changing classrooms. This also means the dreaded time spent decorating bulletin boards. It's actually not so bad, but the giant reams of butcher paper tend to fall in your face when you're trying to staple them to the board and I can't ever seem to cut in straight lines. Fortunately, a young lady in our ecclesia was willing to help me put together my ideas for some wonderful bulletin boards for my classroom. She is pretty much the only reason I have borders on the bulletin boards right now, and she learned how to work the die-cut machine before I did! I really feel like she did most of the work in this, and she did it all happily and with no benefit to herself.

After seeing all this amazingness, I realized again the blessing that my ecclesia is to me and the importance of unity in the body of Christ. Unity is so much more than just getting along with everyone. Unity allows us to fulfill our purposes and accomplish the very things Yahweh sent us to the Earth to do. We join together in the assignments He has given us, and each of us brings a unique facet of Christ to the situation.

My publisher is good with numbers, business, and organization in ways that I am not. She had knowledge about the publishing world and its requirements that I do not know. She has fortitude to press on and discover the best ways of doing things, and she has a personality that makes it seem like we aren't working at all, even while we are accomplishing so much.

My friend who is planning my book release party has great ideas and knowledge of how to find more great ideas. She has knowledge of business and enthusiasm for everything she does. She has many other resources and facets of Christ that I have been blessed by in the past.

My friend who helped me with my bulletin boards has a practical side to her creativity that I found very helpful in putting my classroom together today. It is also way more fun to put up bulletin boards when you have a friend like her around. One thing I think it is important to point out is that she was simply willing to help out a friend.

There is much value in being willing.

I would not be succeeding in these assignments nearly so well as I am without these people. I would not be who I am today without them and many other people in my ecclesia who have stood with me in faith and helped me see the love of Yahweh.

This is what it means to be a part of an ecclesia--a body of Kingdom believers with whom Yahweh sent you to the place where you are to fulfill your purpose. This is what it means to be a part of the body of Christ.

To my ecclesia: thank you! I hope you know how special you are to me.

Declarations for America

Yesterday I wrote about the power of declarations of faith. They are the answer to the cries of all of creation, the Truth of Yahweh that will remain.

Sometimes these declarations are spoken aloud, and sometimes they are written down. I am a writer. I can do both.

Before I begin, let me clarify the definition of declarations. Declarations are when you see by faith the Truth of Yahweh in a situation, and you uncover it and make it manifest by speaking it aloud and writing it down. 

Today I want to reveal some Truths about our country, about the United States of America. Recent events have made me very sad, but they have made me very angry as well because I know the enemy will try and use these events to make people question Yahweh and His sovereignty and to make people doubt America and Americans. I will stand in these Truths and counter the enemy's lies. Remember, the enemy only has as much power as he can make us believe he has. If we believe the Truth, he is POWERLESS. 

The truth is that we were founded as one nation under God and that we are still one nation under God. One. Not black, white, brown. Not doctor, plumber, policeman. Not rich, poor, or middle class. One. American.

The truth is that we have always had issues, but underneath that we have always had a mandate. We, as a country, began the process of modern democracy in the world. We, as a country, brought the concept of freedom into being for such a time as this. That freedom has been an underlying Truth about our nation throughout our history and it is still there. It is being revealed, little by little.

The truth is that most Americans are good. We see the sensationalized media stories of violence in our nation all the time, but every time that this happens, I see people standing up and crying "No! I do not want this!" More people are standing up and crying no in each of these acts of violence than are committing these violent acts.

The truth is that America is still great. We still have people from other countries yearning to come to our shores. We still have the most freedoms of any country in the world. We still have a heritage of freedom and strength to make a draw on. We still have a future of hope and potential to leave a legacy for. I am a teacher. I see these futures every day.

The truth is that Yahweh is still sovereign in our land. He is not surprised by any of this, though He does not condone it either. He is raising up a mighty people...enclaves seeded throughout this nation...who will take Him at His Word and bring His Kingdom to this land. I am proud to be a part of this and to stand with a mighty group of people who are a part of this.

The truth is that this is not limited to America, either. All of the world belongs to Yahweh and as we are faithful in our country, He is calling people to be faithful in other countries so that Yahweh's glory can be made manifest on the Earth.

"Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven."
The truth is, we are the ones who are making this so every time we choose to believe the Truth and thereby wrest power from the enemy.

I do not believe the lies and I bless Yahweh and thank Yahweh for these Truths and for this great and glorious day in which these Truths shall be seen and known!

Declarations

Our words have power.

Yahweh's Word created the entire universe. He left a bit of Himself, this Word, in every atom and molecule of existence. This Word resonates with Itself. There is a part of everything that exists that is awaiting the full manifestation of the Word of the Lord that is resonant inside of them.

Romans 8 says that creation groans, eagerly awaiting the manifestation of the sons of Yahweh. These groans go unheard, unnoticed until the sons stand up and take their places, making declarations of their own. Creation rejoices when the sons make declarations because now they have something with which to resonate. They have a conductor to their symphony and they know the exact frequency with which they should vibrate for Yahweh's full purpose to be revealed.

As we make declarations and they become a part of the very fabric of all of existence itself, creation can remind us again of our declarations when we are tempted by the enemy to forget who we are, where we come from, and that Yahweh has given us all things in Him. Imagine that, as you are walking along the paths of the Earth, every footstep releases the molecules in the ground to vibrate with the same declaration you made in faith. As you play with your dog and he lopes in your backyard, every movement of his body vibrates with the frequency of the Word you declared. As you go about your daily life and are faithful in your job and over your family, every act of obedience, every word spoken to a colleague, every time you give up something you wanted so that another could have their way causes harmonic vibrations that run through your being saying, "Yes! Yahweh is here!" Everything that surrounds you was designed to remind you of Yahweh's Promise so that, when the enemy comes to you and tells you a bunch of lies to make you forget the Word that you heard in faith, creation itself rises up and says "NO! I have heard the Word from your very lips and this is what it is!"

Creation itself wants you to remember the Word of Yahweh. It can be very passionate about it if you but the have ears to hear.

He who has ears to hear let him hear! He who has faith to speak, let him declare! Let all of creation resonate together with the Word of our God. Oh, come Kingdom! HalleluYah!