I promise you it is worth it. Yahweh and this Kingdom life are worth it! Whatever you may have to go through is worth it. If we are on a Kingdom path, we've probably been through enough trials and testing times to know that already, but in case you forgot...
Recently, I went through a time when I was afraid I would not be able to keep going. I was not sure I had the strength or fortitude to keep choosing the Kingdom path when the enemy was besetting me with so many opportunities to completely quit.
My ecclesia family gather around me quite a few times and helped me through that time (thank you!), but it was so very hard because I could not sense that Yahweh was with me. The worst part was that it was so hard to worship Him, not because He wasn't worthy or worship. I knew He was! I desperately wanted to worship Him, to enter His presence, but there was something blocking that.
I thought I was going to die. Literally. I knew if I quit, I would literally die. My purpose would die with me; my part in Yahweh's vision would die, too.
I also knew Yahweh was worth it and I would be ok if I could find Him again.
I did not find Him; He found me.
Not only was it worth it to keep going because I received what He promised me, but when I kept going, I remembered promises He made to me that I had forgotten, Words He whispered to my spirit at my very creation.
As we keep going, we receive much more than we think we will.
The enemy will try to kill us, try to stop us, try to get us to give up and walk away because it is such a hard path. But I ask you, what is easier, exactly? The path that leads to a place without Yahweh, that leads ultimately to death? If not our literal death, the deaths of our purpose and vision?
It is worth it. I never knew how worth it it would be. I knew just enough to keep going, but oh! There was so much more waiting for me on the other side than I ever imagined possible.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
Somebody Has to Say Yes
It's been a long time since I've blogged. I've grown aeons in the past few months, and it seems like forever ago that October was or August began. I think it's been years, really. It's been a trip, but all things work together for good and I've learned so much in the past few months.
Today I was writing and I got a revelation. I realized that I matter, that I'm important. It's easy to think that's not true. The enemy loves to tell us otherwise. I mean, why would Yahweh really need us anyway? He is omnipotent, sovereign. He is able to redeem all things together for good. If His Word never returns void, even if I do not pick up the mantle, someone else will come along and carry it.
I've always thought that that meant that it didn't really matter what I did except to me. In other words, it would cost the Kingdom nothing if I were not in it, but it would cost me everything. Yahweh has always been my everything, and the thought of not getting to be with Him or receive the fullness of all He is and all He has for me has impelled me to keep going through the roughest times in my life. Still, I thought that was only my blessing, the ability to receive Yahweh. His is my inheritance and I love Him and I would go through anything to be with Him.
I never thought that it would be important to Him, important to His Kingdom. After all, He has decided to work through people, but He can work through any person, right? If not me, than somebody else will come along who will agree with Him and carry His Kingdom on to completion, right?
Tonight I realized that we could all say that, and we could be waiting for a thousand years for the next person who would agree to pick up the mantle, the anointing that Yahweh has placed in the Earth. Each and every one of us could pass the buck and say that somebody else can do it. Yahweh can redeem all things. His Word will never return void.
But somebody has to say yes. For Yahweh's Word to manifest in the Earth, He has declared and decreed that His people, in whom He placed His Holy Spirit, would have to have faith in His Word and come into agreement with the purposes, plans, and visions He has for not only their lives, but the metrons they live in, and the grander tapestry of creation.
We are the ones who will say yes. We are the sons creation cries out for, groaning with eagerness and awaiting our adoption. We are the ones who will carry His Kingdom on to completion, the ones Yahweh has been waiting for, the ones He has been scanning the Earth for.
He has been waiting for a people who would believe in His Word, and more than believe. He has been waiting for a people who would take His Word as a seed, meditate on it, grow it, nurture it. He has been waiting for a people who would bring His Word to the fullness of manifestation on the Earth as it already is in Heaven. We are a people who will not simply pray and ask Yahweh for His will to be done in the Earth. Instead, we will allow Him to work through us to make it so!
We are a strong nation, a mighty ecclesia, Yahweh's Zadokim. His people. We matter. We are important. Without us, He has to wait and wait and wait.
Yahweh has been waiting for a people of faith. I will not make Him wait any longer. I am a person of faith. I matter. I say yes, and amen. HalleluYah!
Today I was writing and I got a revelation. I realized that I matter, that I'm important. It's easy to think that's not true. The enemy loves to tell us otherwise. I mean, why would Yahweh really need us anyway? He is omnipotent, sovereign. He is able to redeem all things together for good. If His Word never returns void, even if I do not pick up the mantle, someone else will come along and carry it.
I've always thought that that meant that it didn't really matter what I did except to me. In other words, it would cost the Kingdom nothing if I were not in it, but it would cost me everything. Yahweh has always been my everything, and the thought of not getting to be with Him or receive the fullness of all He is and all He has for me has impelled me to keep going through the roughest times in my life. Still, I thought that was only my blessing, the ability to receive Yahweh. His is my inheritance and I love Him and I would go through anything to be with Him.
I never thought that it would be important to Him, important to His Kingdom. After all, He has decided to work through people, but He can work through any person, right? If not me, than somebody else will come along who will agree with Him and carry His Kingdom on to completion, right?
Tonight I realized that we could all say that, and we could be waiting for a thousand years for the next person who would agree to pick up the mantle, the anointing that Yahweh has placed in the Earth. Each and every one of us could pass the buck and say that somebody else can do it. Yahweh can redeem all things. His Word will never return void.
But somebody has to say yes. For Yahweh's Word to manifest in the Earth, He has declared and decreed that His people, in whom He placed His Holy Spirit, would have to have faith in His Word and come into agreement with the purposes, plans, and visions He has for not only their lives, but the metrons they live in, and the grander tapestry of creation.
We are the ones who will say yes. We are the sons creation cries out for, groaning with eagerness and awaiting our adoption. We are the ones who will carry His Kingdom on to completion, the ones Yahweh has been waiting for, the ones He has been scanning the Earth for.
He has been waiting for a people who would believe in His Word, and more than believe. He has been waiting for a people who would take His Word as a seed, meditate on it, grow it, nurture it. He has been waiting for a people who would bring His Word to the fullness of manifestation on the Earth as it already is in Heaven. We are a people who will not simply pray and ask Yahweh for His will to be done in the Earth. Instead, we will allow Him to work through us to make it so!
We are a strong nation, a mighty ecclesia, Yahweh's Zadokim. His people. We matter. We are important. Without us, He has to wait and wait and wait.
Yahweh has been waiting for a people of faith. I will not make Him wait any longer. I am a person of faith. I matter. I say yes, and amen. HalleluYah!
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Yahweh Shows His Provision Through A Luggage Ticket
So I've recently come home from a teaching conference in Columbus, Ohio. It was very interesting and useful, but it lasted until almost 1:00 on Saturday. Check out time at most hotels is 11:00, and so we had to put our bags in this special room that the hotel has to hold luggage while we attended the rest of the conference.
In order to ensure the security of our bags, the hotel keeps the room locked and a person inside of it and gives us tickets to match the ones they put on our bags. We are supposed to show these tickets to the person inside the room so that they can give us our bags back.
So I get my tag and put it in my pocket and we go to breakfast and then to the rest of the conference. Now, everyone knows we should not put things in our pockets if they are important and we don't want to lose them. Why I forgot this, I couldn't say, but I noticed during the last session of the conference that morning that I had lost my luggage ticket.
This was slightly worrisome because the hotel had made it very clear that they did not return bags unless the luggage ticket was produced. Still, I had no idea where I had lost the ticket and the conference was held in a convention center that was bigger than the school in which I teach. It could've been anywhere! Not only that, but it could've been in the hotel itself, at the restaurant where we'd had breakfast, or on the street between the hotel and restaurant. There was no way I could, by diligently searching, hope to come upon this lost ticket.
Since this was so thoroughly out of my control, I didn't worry overlong. I reasoned that the hotel would have to give me my bags eventually and we'd have to figure something out. Since my two favorite shirts were in that bag, I certainly hoped so!
So the conference ended and my friends from the school I teach at and I were deciding on where to go get lunch before we picked up our bags and headed to the airport. We tried the food court in the hotel, and found some moderately decent fast-food type restaurants. The rest of downtown Columbus seemed too much to walk in the frigid weather, so we had to decide whether we wanted to eat in the food court or walk to the restaurant right across the street where we'd had breakfast.
The more we talked about it, the more we wanted to return to the restaurant where we'd eaten breakfast earlier that day. We still hadn't claimed our bags yet, so we didn't have to drag them around with us.
When we got to the restaurant, the lady who seated us decided to seat us in the exact same spot where we'd eaten breakfast. She sat us there even though there was another option because one of my friends was in a walking boot since she broke her foot earlier this school year. It was there, next to the booth where we'd eaten breakfast, that I found my luggage ticket!
Happily surprised, but somewhat wondering if this could possibly be my exact luggage ticket, I put the paper in my zipped up backpack front pocket (see, I learned) and ate lunch. After that, we went back to the hotel and claimed our bags.
I was even more glad I'd found the ticket when the hotel clerk made a big show of checking our tickets before returning our bags to us. I also found that the number on my ticket matched exactly the number on the other half of the ticket that was attached to my bag.
Yahweh provides! Whether or not I spent the whole morning worrying about how I was going to get my luggage, He had that ticket there for me to find all along. In realizing that I had no control over finding that ticket, I saved myself hours worth of worrying and still found the ticket anyway.
Meanwhile, Yahweh proves Himself a faithful father once again, and I am thoroughly blessed.
In order to ensure the security of our bags, the hotel keeps the room locked and a person inside of it and gives us tickets to match the ones they put on our bags. We are supposed to show these tickets to the person inside the room so that they can give us our bags back.
So I get my tag and put it in my pocket and we go to breakfast and then to the rest of the conference. Now, everyone knows we should not put things in our pockets if they are important and we don't want to lose them. Why I forgot this, I couldn't say, but I noticed during the last session of the conference that morning that I had lost my luggage ticket.
This was slightly worrisome because the hotel had made it very clear that they did not return bags unless the luggage ticket was produced. Still, I had no idea where I had lost the ticket and the conference was held in a convention center that was bigger than the school in which I teach. It could've been anywhere! Not only that, but it could've been in the hotel itself, at the restaurant where we'd had breakfast, or on the street between the hotel and restaurant. There was no way I could, by diligently searching, hope to come upon this lost ticket.
Since this was so thoroughly out of my control, I didn't worry overlong. I reasoned that the hotel would have to give me my bags eventually and we'd have to figure something out. Since my two favorite shirts were in that bag, I certainly hoped so!
So the conference ended and my friends from the school I teach at and I were deciding on where to go get lunch before we picked up our bags and headed to the airport. We tried the food court in the hotel, and found some moderately decent fast-food type restaurants. The rest of downtown Columbus seemed too much to walk in the frigid weather, so we had to decide whether we wanted to eat in the food court or walk to the restaurant right across the street where we'd had breakfast.
The more we talked about it, the more we wanted to return to the restaurant where we'd eaten breakfast earlier that day. We still hadn't claimed our bags yet, so we didn't have to drag them around with us.
When we got to the restaurant, the lady who seated us decided to seat us in the exact same spot where we'd eaten breakfast. She sat us there even though there was another option because one of my friends was in a walking boot since she broke her foot earlier this school year. It was there, next to the booth where we'd eaten breakfast, that I found my luggage ticket!
Happily surprised, but somewhat wondering if this could possibly be my exact luggage ticket, I put the paper in my zipped up backpack front pocket (see, I learned) and ate lunch. After that, we went back to the hotel and claimed our bags.
I was even more glad I'd found the ticket when the hotel clerk made a big show of checking our tickets before returning our bags to us. I also found that the number on my ticket matched exactly the number on the other half of the ticket that was attached to my bag.
Yahweh provides! Whether or not I spent the whole morning worrying about how I was going to get my luggage, He had that ticket there for me to find all along. In realizing that I had no control over finding that ticket, I saved myself hours worth of worrying and still found the ticket anyway.
Meanwhile, Yahweh proves Himself a faithful father once again, and I am thoroughly blessed.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
The Seeing of the Unseen
Faith is the seeing of the unseen. Vision is the root word of "evidence" from Hebrews 11:1. Those who can see what isn't seen can make it manifest in substance.
Sometimes, it is hard to be the ones who see the unseen. It can feel like failure, like going backwards and re-walking a path over and over again. It is those days when you're feeling awful, like that dream of your heart is so far beyond your grasp, and you wonder why because you remember feeling better months before, remember holding and touching and feeling that very same dream and you're not quite sure how it slipped away.
How could it have slipped away unless you did something wrong, for a promise of Yahweh is never void, and He does not renege on what He has spoken.
But faith is the seeing of the unseen, and so the process requires a period of darkness after you've seen that dream of your heart. Sometimes, that period lasts a short time and sometimes it feels like it will never end, but the time period of unseen does not matter nearly so much as the promise itself.
Because it is during this time of not seeing that faith is made complete, that the promise that Yahweh gave you of that deepest desire of your heart is closer than ever to permanent manifestation. You are about to touch and hold and live in that dream and desire of your heart forever, for before it was a dream in your heart, it was first a dream in Yahweh's.
Your faith makes Yahweh's dreams come true.
I am full of faith right now, though I do not feel it. I feel very much on the edge of failure. I feel very alone and uncared for. I feel very sad and afraid. But I have seen and I remember.
I have seen a time when I did not wake up in dread of each day, fearful of messing up. There was a day when I knew that I could not break what Yahweh has established, when I realized that I was not going to mess anything up because Yahweh has already redeemed it. It's all His and in His hands anyway, and I do not have to carry this burden.
I have seen a time when I knew for certain that I was not broken. No longer am I lacking anything. Yahweh has made me whole. I don't have to fight myself or fear my feelings anymore. I am not at fault for anything that is happening in or around me. Yes, there will be times when Yahweh corrects me, and when He does it is not with blame or guilt, but with gentleness and care.
I have seen a time when I had a home in my Father. When there was someone to take care of me, to protect me from everything that might try to come against me. He ordered my steps and arranged my life to lead me back to Him and the place where I was always meant to be all along. I can trust Him as a Father, as One who is always on my side, will always take care of me. Always love me. He will never leave me and I will never be alone. He has always been faithful in the past, and I have seen His faithfulness all my life.
I have seen the place where I will live, and it is just ahead of me. It is a place of infinite trust in Yahweh, of leaving things in His hands and not having to control anything. Of trusting Him to keep my heart safe even when all around me are circumstances and situations designed to pierce it and tear it to ribbons. In this place I will walk in a greater level of freedom and rest and peace than I have ever known before. I glimpsed it for a little while, but now I shall walk in it permanently. For I have seen it.
I have seen, and I remember. The light shone in the darkness and the darkness will not overcome it. Faith is the art of keeping the light on when all around you is darkness, the steadfast holding of the Word that you've seen even when you cannot fully envision it anymore. Faith is seeing the unseen, and this time is just part of the process of maturity.
For if sin, when it is full-grown, leads to death, fully mature faith leads to the manifestation of Yahweh's promises in the visible realm so that all can see what we've seen all along.
And when this happens it is called glory. So glory! HalleluYah! I have seen.
Sometimes, it is hard to be the ones who see the unseen. It can feel like failure, like going backwards and re-walking a path over and over again. It is those days when you're feeling awful, like that dream of your heart is so far beyond your grasp, and you wonder why because you remember feeling better months before, remember holding and touching and feeling that very same dream and you're not quite sure how it slipped away.
How could it have slipped away unless you did something wrong, for a promise of Yahweh is never void, and He does not renege on what He has spoken.
But faith is the seeing of the unseen, and so the process requires a period of darkness after you've seen that dream of your heart. Sometimes, that period lasts a short time and sometimes it feels like it will never end, but the time period of unseen does not matter nearly so much as the promise itself.
Because it is during this time of not seeing that faith is made complete, that the promise that Yahweh gave you of that deepest desire of your heart is closer than ever to permanent manifestation. You are about to touch and hold and live in that dream and desire of your heart forever, for before it was a dream in your heart, it was first a dream in Yahweh's.
Your faith makes Yahweh's dreams come true.
I am full of faith right now, though I do not feel it. I feel very much on the edge of failure. I feel very alone and uncared for. I feel very sad and afraid. But I have seen and I remember.
I have seen a time when I did not wake up in dread of each day, fearful of messing up. There was a day when I knew that I could not break what Yahweh has established, when I realized that I was not going to mess anything up because Yahweh has already redeemed it. It's all His and in His hands anyway, and I do not have to carry this burden.
I have seen a time when I knew for certain that I was not broken. No longer am I lacking anything. Yahweh has made me whole. I don't have to fight myself or fear my feelings anymore. I am not at fault for anything that is happening in or around me. Yes, there will be times when Yahweh corrects me, and when He does it is not with blame or guilt, but with gentleness and care.
I have seen a time when I had a home in my Father. When there was someone to take care of me, to protect me from everything that might try to come against me. He ordered my steps and arranged my life to lead me back to Him and the place where I was always meant to be all along. I can trust Him as a Father, as One who is always on my side, will always take care of me. Always love me. He will never leave me and I will never be alone. He has always been faithful in the past, and I have seen His faithfulness all my life.
I have seen the place where I will live, and it is just ahead of me. It is a place of infinite trust in Yahweh, of leaving things in His hands and not having to control anything. Of trusting Him to keep my heart safe even when all around me are circumstances and situations designed to pierce it and tear it to ribbons. In this place I will walk in a greater level of freedom and rest and peace than I have ever known before. I glimpsed it for a little while, but now I shall walk in it permanently. For I have seen it.
I have seen, and I remember. The light shone in the darkness and the darkness will not overcome it. Faith is the art of keeping the light on when all around you is darkness, the steadfast holding of the Word that you've seen even when you cannot fully envision it anymore. Faith is seeing the unseen, and this time is just part of the process of maturity.
For if sin, when it is full-grown, leads to death, fully mature faith leads to the manifestation of Yahweh's promises in the visible realm so that all can see what we've seen all along.
And when this happens it is called glory. So glory! HalleluYah! I have seen.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Home
What is home?
I am not sure I really understand this yet. But I think, I know, that I am beginning to have a home.
I've never had a home before. Not like this. Oh, I've had wonderful houses that I have lived in. The house I live in now was positively a gift from Yahweh. And the windows are so. awesome. (Windows!!) But a house is not a home.
Home is a safe place. Home is a place where you can rest and not fear what might try to come against you. I've always thought that home is a place that you can be yourself, but then I didn't really know myself, so I couldn't have been me if I tried.
There is so much more to home than this, however. Because home is where the Father is. In our society, most people don't have a home anymore because it takes a father to make a home. And while many of the Earthly fathers of this nation haven't been able to create homes for their families, a home is available for everyone who receives Yahweh as their Father.
There's always been this part of me that feels just a little bit lonely, a little bit left out. Our ecclesia really puts an emphasis on family, for that is Yahweh's order and government. His original idea was for families to care for each other and to rule over metrons--areas of responsibility--together. The original word for "nation" actually is "birth," and the original countries were based entirely on families who grew and spread out to rule vast areas of land.
Yet, what about those of us whose families are not ready to take their places in the Kingdom order? There are some of us who don't have earthly fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, etc. who are willing to line up with Yahweh and help us steward these metrons that we have been given. Sometimes, this can be hard because, while there are pastors and people who are very kind and willing to help where they can, there is no substitute for family. There is always the inevitable time when you have to return to an empty house and, alone, prepare for the responsibilities that tomorrow will bring you.
But Yahweh does not leave us as orphans. He promised to come to us and to give us the spirit of adoption. He promised, in other words, to be our Father. And in our Father are many homes. There Yahshua prepared a place for us, and we came to the Father through Him.
This home is not a physical location. It is not in one place at one time, but it is in Yahweh. He is my home, and He is my Father. In Him I am safe. In Him I can rest and not fear what might try to come against me. In Him I can be myself, for He has shown me myself and He has made me into myself. He helps me reign in my metron, for He gives me the grace to do so. And it is here that I have found my home.
Though I do not understand it, for I've never seen a home like this before. I have friends whose dreams are to travel the world and visit foreign places, and while I find travel fun and exciting, I have always dreamed of having a home. I've tried to push aside the loneliness, to save the things they say about family for the "one day" and the "not yet" when Yahweh will do something new in the far distant future.
Yet here I am, beginning to see what "home" is, realizing the dream far earlier than I ever thought possible, a dream that part of me thought would never really be possible. But with my God all things are possible. Yahweh is so amazing.
Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. ~John 14:1-3
I am not sure I really understand this yet. But I think, I know, that I am beginning to have a home.
I've never had a home before. Not like this. Oh, I've had wonderful houses that I have lived in. The house I live in now was positively a gift from Yahweh. And the windows are so. awesome. (Windows!!) But a house is not a home.
Home is a safe place. Home is a place where you can rest and not fear what might try to come against you. I've always thought that home is a place that you can be yourself, but then I didn't really know myself, so I couldn't have been me if I tried.
There is so much more to home than this, however. Because home is where the Father is. In our society, most people don't have a home anymore because it takes a father to make a home. And while many of the Earthly fathers of this nation haven't been able to create homes for their families, a home is available for everyone who receives Yahweh as their Father.
There's always been this part of me that feels just a little bit lonely, a little bit left out. Our ecclesia really puts an emphasis on family, for that is Yahweh's order and government. His original idea was for families to care for each other and to rule over metrons--areas of responsibility--together. The original word for "nation" actually is "birth," and the original countries were based entirely on families who grew and spread out to rule vast areas of land.
Yet, what about those of us whose families are not ready to take their places in the Kingdom order? There are some of us who don't have earthly fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, etc. who are willing to line up with Yahweh and help us steward these metrons that we have been given. Sometimes, this can be hard because, while there are pastors and people who are very kind and willing to help where they can, there is no substitute for family. There is always the inevitable time when you have to return to an empty house and, alone, prepare for the responsibilities that tomorrow will bring you.
But Yahweh does not leave us as orphans. He promised to come to us and to give us the spirit of adoption. He promised, in other words, to be our Father. And in our Father are many homes. There Yahshua prepared a place for us, and we came to the Father through Him.
This home is not a physical location. It is not in one place at one time, but it is in Yahweh. He is my home, and He is my Father. In Him I am safe. In Him I can rest and not fear what might try to come against me. In Him I can be myself, for He has shown me myself and He has made me into myself. He helps me reign in my metron, for He gives me the grace to do so. And it is here that I have found my home.
Though I do not understand it, for I've never seen a home like this before. I have friends whose dreams are to travel the world and visit foreign places, and while I find travel fun and exciting, I have always dreamed of having a home. I've tried to push aside the loneliness, to save the things they say about family for the "one day" and the "not yet" when Yahweh will do something new in the far distant future.
Yet here I am, beginning to see what "home" is, realizing the dream far earlier than I ever thought possible, a dream that part of me thought would never really be possible. But with my God all things are possible. Yahweh is so amazing.
Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. ~John 14:1-3
Sunday, September 13, 2015
The Beauty of Redemption
We've all heard that regretting the past is a waste of time. We can't go back and change it. Yahweh's forgiven us for it, so why can't we forgive ourselves? It's only hampering our future to focus to intently on the past.
None of this is wrong, but I find there is another reason for not regretting the past that is not talked about nearly so often. Redemption.
Redemption is when Yahweh takes something that was broken and makes it whole again, when He makes sure that something negative becomes positive, when He takes what was never meant to be and turns it into the very thing that He had envisioned from before the foundations of the world. Redemption is beautiful. Redemption is amazing. Redemption is glorious.
Think about the state of the world right now. Wars and poverty, hatred and death. All throughout history we've had genocides, murders, depravity. The worst of the worst that can happen when man tells Yahweh that He doesn't get to be a part of the very world He created. If you're like me, you can see the degradation that society is existing in right now. The laws the United States has recently enacted, the militant anti-Christ that is working in this world. It all points to destruction and that can easily lead to despair.
But think of all that which seems to be utterly insane, a one-way ticket to Hell in a hand basket. Then think about redemption. The realization that Yahweh can actually fix all of that, that He can take the people who are enacting these horrors and perpetuating these evils and change their hearts and make them do the very opposite of what they've done all their lives. The only requirement for Him to be able to do that is that a man let Him into His heart and give Him free access to work His redemptive power therein.
I think about Paul, formerly Saul of Tarsus, who was part of the biggest detriment to the growth of Yahweh's Kingdom that existed in his time. He actively persecuted and killed Christians, even holding the cloaks of the men who martyred Stephen. He felt no remorse for this; he thought he was doing the right thing. He would have continued to persecute and murder Christians for the rest of his life believing that this is what he was supposed to be doing. Yet, when He met Yahshua on the road to Damascus, He was changed from the inside out. Allowing Yahshua to work in Him and through Him, He became one of the greatest assets to the growth of Yahweh's Kingdom. He wrote 2/3 of the New Testaments, started countless ecclesiae in the Mediterranean, the Middle East, and Asia Minor, and was responsible for the spread of the Gospel to the Gentiles.
Redemption.
It is utterly amazing that Yahweh was able to change such a man so thoroughly, use his life so completely that we, today, are still benefiting from his faith and the things he did through his faith.
I look back at my own life. It is hard to describe the lack of freedom I once walked in. I was clinically depressed from the age of 10. I still remember the summer I first began to take Prozac. I was just about to start 5th grade and I was so embarrassed that there was something wrong with me that I didn't want anyone to know I had to take that daily pill. Over time, I began to wallow in the sadness, to believe that nobody would or ever could love me. I gained so much weight that I topped out at 387 pounds. I tried to hide away from the world because I was afraid of it. All it ever did was hurt me, and I was sure all I could ever do to it was be a detriment. I did not look too far into the future because I was afraid that what I would find there, all I could ever be, was more of what I was then living in. A psychiatrist told me that I could expect a major depressive episode at least once a year for the rest of my life. Why, then, would I want to continue living? I hated myself, I hated my life, and I knew vaguely that there was a God out there who had sent His Son to die for me, but I did not have the relationship with Him that I do now.
Yet, He was there for me all along, and the life I live now is exceedingly, abundantly beyond anything I could have ever imagined or dreamed. I was healed of depression, I've lost 200 pounds, I have a job where I am helping people and doing good in the world. I have friends that love me and whom I trust. And what's even more amazing? When I look to the future, I only see more joy, more beauty. One day I shall have a husband and children. One day I shall change the world. And what I see is not even all that will be because even that shall be exceeded, more abundant.
It would be easy for me to regret the past. Sometimes, I wish I'd had the freedom I do now when I was in college or high school. My life would've been a lot different. I would've been one of those teenagers with friends who go hang out at the movies at night and have a curfew and parents who are waiting for you when you get home. But I didn't have that then. Instead, I have what I have now, and I get to hang out late at night with friends all the time.
Because Yahweh has returned to me everything I'd lost.
And so I am grateful for the past. For the horrible times and the times when I was just holding on to life by a thread. I could easily have died, for suicide presented itself as an option to me many times over the years. But I did not because of Yahweh. Because I knew my life was and is His and I did not want to steal it from Him as the last thing I did on this earth.
Then look where He has taken me. The contrast between what was and what is is unfathomable to those who haven't seen it, haven't lived it, themselves. Yet, I believe that the contrast gives Yahweh a greater glory and I hope it will show others, as Paul's life did, that Yahweh can truly do what is impossible in any situation so long as He is given access. Trust Him. He is good.
Because redemption is beautiful. How can any being take all that is horrible and ugly in this world and make it perfect again? But that is what Yahweh will do, what He did when Yahshua died on the cross and said, "It is finished." When He said "finished," He didn't just mean done. He meant perfected. In other words, He said, "It is perfect again." Perfect again... Redeemed.
Yahweh... He created an infinite universe that was utterly perfect. He put every intersection of space and time, of people and places, of hearts and beings and feelings, everything that ever was, is, or could ever be He mapped out and made to flow perfectly. The unrolling of creation was the perfect symphony of harmonic sounds, the perfect blend of colors on a canvas, the perfect combination of words in a poem. And then it was broken, slashed into an infinite number of minute pieces that we as part of creation kept trying to fix but could never have fixed because the pieces were so small that we couldn't even see them. Yet He fixed it. He put it all back together again. He redeemed creation.
Redemption is beautiful. So the past is beautiful. It is not something to regret, it is something to provide a contrast to what we are living in the present so that we can be more grateful to Yahweh having known lack than we would have been if we'd only ever lived in plenty. So that Yahweh can be seen as more glorious for having redeemed what was broken. Because I don't think I would know how perfect my life really is right now if I had not known the oppression that I lived in before.
The horrible and wonderful process of redemption allows me to know Yahweh. He is worth it. So I am so grateful for the process.
None of this is wrong, but I find there is another reason for not regretting the past that is not talked about nearly so often. Redemption.
Redemption is when Yahweh takes something that was broken and makes it whole again, when He makes sure that something negative becomes positive, when He takes what was never meant to be and turns it into the very thing that He had envisioned from before the foundations of the world. Redemption is beautiful. Redemption is amazing. Redemption is glorious.
Think about the state of the world right now. Wars and poverty, hatred and death. All throughout history we've had genocides, murders, depravity. The worst of the worst that can happen when man tells Yahweh that He doesn't get to be a part of the very world He created. If you're like me, you can see the degradation that society is existing in right now. The laws the United States has recently enacted, the militant anti-Christ that is working in this world. It all points to destruction and that can easily lead to despair.
But think of all that which seems to be utterly insane, a one-way ticket to Hell in a hand basket. Then think about redemption. The realization that Yahweh can actually fix all of that, that He can take the people who are enacting these horrors and perpetuating these evils and change their hearts and make them do the very opposite of what they've done all their lives. The only requirement for Him to be able to do that is that a man let Him into His heart and give Him free access to work His redemptive power therein.
I think about Paul, formerly Saul of Tarsus, who was part of the biggest detriment to the growth of Yahweh's Kingdom that existed in his time. He actively persecuted and killed Christians, even holding the cloaks of the men who martyred Stephen. He felt no remorse for this; he thought he was doing the right thing. He would have continued to persecute and murder Christians for the rest of his life believing that this is what he was supposed to be doing. Yet, when He met Yahshua on the road to Damascus, He was changed from the inside out. Allowing Yahshua to work in Him and through Him, He became one of the greatest assets to the growth of Yahweh's Kingdom. He wrote 2/3 of the New Testaments, started countless ecclesiae in the Mediterranean, the Middle East, and Asia Minor, and was responsible for the spread of the Gospel to the Gentiles.
Redemption.
It is utterly amazing that Yahweh was able to change such a man so thoroughly, use his life so completely that we, today, are still benefiting from his faith and the things he did through his faith.
I look back at my own life. It is hard to describe the lack of freedom I once walked in. I was clinically depressed from the age of 10. I still remember the summer I first began to take Prozac. I was just about to start 5th grade and I was so embarrassed that there was something wrong with me that I didn't want anyone to know I had to take that daily pill. Over time, I began to wallow in the sadness, to believe that nobody would or ever could love me. I gained so much weight that I topped out at 387 pounds. I tried to hide away from the world because I was afraid of it. All it ever did was hurt me, and I was sure all I could ever do to it was be a detriment. I did not look too far into the future because I was afraid that what I would find there, all I could ever be, was more of what I was then living in. A psychiatrist told me that I could expect a major depressive episode at least once a year for the rest of my life. Why, then, would I want to continue living? I hated myself, I hated my life, and I knew vaguely that there was a God out there who had sent His Son to die for me, but I did not have the relationship with Him that I do now.
Yet, He was there for me all along, and the life I live now is exceedingly, abundantly beyond anything I could have ever imagined or dreamed. I was healed of depression, I've lost 200 pounds, I have a job where I am helping people and doing good in the world. I have friends that love me and whom I trust. And what's even more amazing? When I look to the future, I only see more joy, more beauty. One day I shall have a husband and children. One day I shall change the world. And what I see is not even all that will be because even that shall be exceeded, more abundant.
It would be easy for me to regret the past. Sometimes, I wish I'd had the freedom I do now when I was in college or high school. My life would've been a lot different. I would've been one of those teenagers with friends who go hang out at the movies at night and have a curfew and parents who are waiting for you when you get home. But I didn't have that then. Instead, I have what I have now, and I get to hang out late at night with friends all the time.
Because Yahweh has returned to me everything I'd lost.
And so I am grateful for the past. For the horrible times and the times when I was just holding on to life by a thread. I could easily have died, for suicide presented itself as an option to me many times over the years. But I did not because of Yahweh. Because I knew my life was and is His and I did not want to steal it from Him as the last thing I did on this earth.
Then look where He has taken me. The contrast between what was and what is is unfathomable to those who haven't seen it, haven't lived it, themselves. Yet, I believe that the contrast gives Yahweh a greater glory and I hope it will show others, as Paul's life did, that Yahweh can truly do what is impossible in any situation so long as He is given access. Trust Him. He is good.
Because redemption is beautiful. How can any being take all that is horrible and ugly in this world and make it perfect again? But that is what Yahweh will do, what He did when Yahshua died on the cross and said, "It is finished." When He said "finished," He didn't just mean done. He meant perfected. In other words, He said, "It is perfect again." Perfect again... Redeemed.
Yahweh... He created an infinite universe that was utterly perfect. He put every intersection of space and time, of people and places, of hearts and beings and feelings, everything that ever was, is, or could ever be He mapped out and made to flow perfectly. The unrolling of creation was the perfect symphony of harmonic sounds, the perfect blend of colors on a canvas, the perfect combination of words in a poem. And then it was broken, slashed into an infinite number of minute pieces that we as part of creation kept trying to fix but could never have fixed because the pieces were so small that we couldn't even see them. Yet He fixed it. He put it all back together again. He redeemed creation.
Redemption is beautiful. So the past is beautiful. It is not something to regret, it is something to provide a contrast to what we are living in the present so that we can be more grateful to Yahweh having known lack than we would have been if we'd only ever lived in plenty. So that Yahweh can be seen as more glorious for having redeemed what was broken. Because I don't think I would know how perfect my life really is right now if I had not known the oppression that I lived in before.
The horrible and wonderful process of redemption allows me to know Yahweh. He is worth it. So I am so grateful for the process.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Walking on Water
Matthew 14:22-33 tells the familiar story of Yahshua walking on water. I won't recite it all here, but basically as He is walking toward the disciples out of the storm, they are all very frightened because they think He is a ghost. In their minds, only a ghostly being could walk upon water.
When He calls out, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid." Peter answers Him saying that if it really is Him, He should call out to Peter and Peter would get out of the boat and walk on the water to Him.
Now, Peter is often disparaged in this story, but consider the faith it took for him to get out of the boat. Then, when he starts to sink--for the waves were strong--he called out, "Lord save me!"
Every time I've heard this story, I have heard Peter derided a bit. Yes, he has been given credit for getting out of the boat, but it is often said of him that he "had starting faith but not finishing faith" or that he "began to doubt halfway there that he could even walk on water." Tonight, Yahweh showed me something different.
Because when you start to sink, crying out to Yahshua to save you is the exact right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with, when you're out on the water--walking in your purpose--and the waves start rising--opposition comes against you--you going back to Yahweh and rest in His Presence and have Him remind you that He is Lord and He can save you.
Which is all Yahshua was doing when He reached out and said, "Oh ye of little faith. Why did you doubt?"
Because Peter was not doubting simply that he could walk on water. He was doubting the Christ. Yahshua was saying, "Why did you doubt yourself? Why did you doubt I would save you? Why did you ever think it was even possible for you to sink and drown? Don't you trust me?"
And when He reached out His hand and saved Peter, Peter did have finishing faith because Peter did not drown. Peter got back up and walked back to the boat with Yahshua.
Now look at our lives. I am in the middle of my second week of school with students. Before school started, I was all gung-ho walking in freedom and, "Let's go walk and run and dance and play on the water!"
Then, the waves started getting higher. Some things happened that were not expected and not pleasant, and while sometimes I responded right, I know there are times when I started to sink. There was definitely one night when I had to cry out, "Lord save me!" Does that mean I failed? That I didn't have enough faith? No, because I called out to my Lord, my Christ, and He did save me. He showed me this:
Never believe you are sinking. Never doubt you are walking on a solid surface. It is not the exterior appearance of the surface that you are walking on, whether that be water or cement or rock or sand, but the internal Presence of Holiness that causes the surface to be smooth and steady, certain and solid. This--Holy Spirit--makes your path sure, for did He not promise to direct you paths if you trusted Him with all your heart? (Proverbs 3:5-6) He did not specify out of what material your path would be made. He only said it would be a path and that He would direct you in it.
Also, my awesome friend brought the song "Oceans" by Hillsong United back into my life last night. I hadn't listened to it in a while, but it is an amazing song. The whole thing is about walking on oceans and trusting Yahweh no matter what and I remembered tonight as I was listening to the Spanish version that "Oceans" was the first song I tried to dance to in November 2013.
Because in November 2013, I mysteriously and temporarily lost the ability to walk for a time. I regained that ability slowly and with practice and I have received a lot of revelation from it. One day, the first time I could take a shower by myself again, I was in the bathroom at my parents' house and I was listening to "Oceans" and walking in a circle (because that was all the dancing I could do at the time.) I was worshipping Yahweh and walking. How marvelous is the ability to walk!
But I remembered that tonight and it made me realize this: you cannot walk on the water if you cannot walk at all. The external, the circumstances and the surfaces we are called to walk on, is not the issue. The issue is what--Who--is inside of us. Because the Christ in me is the hope of glory. It is He who taught me to walk again. It is He who gives me the courage to step into what seems impossible and it is He who will keep me safe and sound until I reach the other side, until impossibility becomes commonplace and His glory is complete.
HalleluYah! I can walk on water! My Christ is in me and He will keep me safe wherever I go.
When He calls out, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid." Peter answers Him saying that if it really is Him, He should call out to Peter and Peter would get out of the boat and walk on the water to Him.
Now, Peter is often disparaged in this story, but consider the faith it took for him to get out of the boat. Then, when he starts to sink--for the waves were strong--he called out, "Lord save me!"
Every time I've heard this story, I have heard Peter derided a bit. Yes, he has been given credit for getting out of the boat, but it is often said of him that he "had starting faith but not finishing faith" or that he "began to doubt halfway there that he could even walk on water." Tonight, Yahweh showed me something different.
Because when you start to sink, crying out to Yahshua to save you is the exact right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with, when you're out on the water--walking in your purpose--and the waves start rising--opposition comes against you--you going back to Yahweh and rest in His Presence and have Him remind you that He is Lord and He can save you.
Which is all Yahshua was doing when He reached out and said, "Oh ye of little faith. Why did you doubt?"
Because Peter was not doubting simply that he could walk on water. He was doubting the Christ. Yahshua was saying, "Why did you doubt yourself? Why did you doubt I would save you? Why did you ever think it was even possible for you to sink and drown? Don't you trust me?"
And when He reached out His hand and saved Peter, Peter did have finishing faith because Peter did not drown. Peter got back up and walked back to the boat with Yahshua.
Now look at our lives. I am in the middle of my second week of school with students. Before school started, I was all gung-ho walking in freedom and, "Let's go walk and run and dance and play on the water!"
Then, the waves started getting higher. Some things happened that were not expected and not pleasant, and while sometimes I responded right, I know there are times when I started to sink. There was definitely one night when I had to cry out, "Lord save me!" Does that mean I failed? That I didn't have enough faith? No, because I called out to my Lord, my Christ, and He did save me. He showed me this:
Never believe you are sinking. Never doubt you are walking on a solid surface. It is not the exterior appearance of the surface that you are walking on, whether that be water or cement or rock or sand, but the internal Presence of Holiness that causes the surface to be smooth and steady, certain and solid. This--Holy Spirit--makes your path sure, for did He not promise to direct you paths if you trusted Him with all your heart? (Proverbs 3:5-6) He did not specify out of what material your path would be made. He only said it would be a path and that He would direct you in it.
Also, my awesome friend brought the song "Oceans" by Hillsong United back into my life last night. I hadn't listened to it in a while, but it is an amazing song. The whole thing is about walking on oceans and trusting Yahweh no matter what and I remembered tonight as I was listening to the Spanish version that "Oceans" was the first song I tried to dance to in November 2013.
Because in November 2013, I mysteriously and temporarily lost the ability to walk for a time. I regained that ability slowly and with practice and I have received a lot of revelation from it. One day, the first time I could take a shower by myself again, I was in the bathroom at my parents' house and I was listening to "Oceans" and walking in a circle (because that was all the dancing I could do at the time.) I was worshipping Yahweh and walking. How marvelous is the ability to walk!
But I remembered that tonight and it made me realize this: you cannot walk on the water if you cannot walk at all. The external, the circumstances and the surfaces we are called to walk on, is not the issue. The issue is what--Who--is inside of us. Because the Christ in me is the hope of glory. It is He who taught me to walk again. It is He who gives me the courage to step into what seems impossible and it is He who will keep me safe and sound until I reach the other side, until impossibility becomes commonplace and His glory is complete.
HalleluYah! I can walk on water! My Christ is in me and He will keep me safe wherever I go.
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