Friday, June 20, 2014

Thinking Like A Child

Do you remember what it's like to think like a child? I don't mean when I was a child I liked sugary cereal and teddy bears, couldn't read, and was afraid of the dark. No, I mean, do you remember what it was like to see the world...have an entire world concept... as you did when you were a child?

I suppose that's impossible--and not altogether desirable. After all, maturity has its perks. Especially for those of us who walk in the Kingdom of Yahweh. Every day we become closer to Him as He changes our mindsets and allows us to see the world as it really is: His way.

But how much of His way of seeing the world is like that of a child? Obviously He doesn't want us eating sugary cereal and being afraid of the dark, but perhaps the simplicity of a child's view of the world is better than the complex way adults view reality. Especially those of us who were taught in school that "there is no one right reality or way to see the world." (I can't tell you how arrogant this concept is and how much I utterly detest it.)

But back to the original question. I can remember specific instances in my life when my child's mindset was irrevocably altered. When I made some startling discovery that all adults had known for years, but to me, was this life-changing epiphany. One such event was when I was in the sixth grade in social studies class. We were making timelines and I read about the atomic bomb and it's first use in World War II. The textbook said, "...the world would never be truly safe again." I remember being shocked and horrified to learn that there was a device out there that could destroy everything in seconds. I'd heard of nuclear bombs before. I'd even watched "Atomic Cafe" in elementary school, I think. But before I read that line in the textbook, the sheer scope of what nuclear bombs were capable of had never occurred to me. The idea that there was a weapon out there that could make the whole ENTIRE world "unsafe" scared me to no end. Because until then, I hadn't thought the world was anything but safe.

But I grew up, assimilated that information, and learned to live with the knowledge that at any moment some random government person I don't know could press a button and end the world. But what else was I to do? It's not like I could change the existence of nuclear bombs. *Bam!* There goes one wall in my previous framework of existence. My whole view of the world changed.

Another time, I realized that at any given moment, somewhere, there were people starving or dying in a war. How sad! I thought, and how dare I feel contented and carefree while these people are dying. (Incidentally, this "white guilt" or "rich guilt" or whatever issue is plaguing modern America is frequently seen in academia and also politics) and in taking on the burdens of these sad people somewhere, I again changed my whole view of the world.

Once my mother told me that no moment happens twice. I must've been very young at the time, because I thought about our dog Zoe (back when she still had black hair) sleeping there on the floor of the living room. I realized, even if I could get her to lay in the exact same spot the next day for her nap, everything else that had been happening while she slept would not be happening. I couldn't get flies far away to buzz the exact same way or cars in other states to drive past the exact same tree that they were driving by while my dog was sleeping. And in knowing that each moment is the only one of its kind, BAM! Mindset change.

I suppose this process of mindset changing is called learning, which to me (a teacher) is a word that conjures up warm fuzzy feelings. It has a good connotation, in other words. For in learning we become able to do more, be more, know more. But learning isn't positive. It is neutral. What makes it positive or negative is what we learn and what we do with that information.

Because when I learned about the atomic bomb, I let it make me feel unsafe. That wasn't good. It was good that I knew about it (because, duh, everybody should know history and wouldn't I look silly if I didn't know about nuclear weapons) but feeling unsafe doesn't make sense, for the God of the Universe loves me, is in control, and is on my side. And when I learned about starvation and world wars, I let it make me feel sad. As if it were my responsibility to carry the pains of the nations. And when I learned that each moment could only happen once, I let it make me want to suck each moment for all it was worth, and became so anxious about enjoying the moment that I managed to miss it altogether.

But none of these were Yahweh's plans. And so I had to undergo a process of relearning, or learning again the correct way what you originally learned incorrectly. So I still know about nuclear bombs and wars and the strange and wonderful concept of time, but now I know them as Yahweh meant me to know them.

Yes, bad things happen, but I'm meant to be joyful anyway, for Yahweh is in charge and He keeps me safe just as He holds all people in His hands. Yes, time is irreplaceable, but I can enjoy each moment as a gift from Yahweh and a blessing, and knowing that He has given me an eternity's worth of moments with Him, even if all of them are not on this planet.

And so, in relearning, I learned again what I once knew before I "grew up." That Yahweh is sovereign. And BAM! Mindset change. Only now, instead of being unaware of what the world might call "the facts," I've put them in their proper perspective. And I suppose this is one way to see maturity. The combination of the framework worldview of a child with the factual materials out of which that framework was constructed of learned adults.

We cannot ignore all the negative things that are going on in the world, but we do not have to let them get us down. For these things are doomed to failure, and bad things will always come to an end. And one day the God of the Universe will reclaim His lost treasure and reign in totality without opposition and then we shall dance on the grave of Babylon.

It's all about perspective. Faith: the ability to see reality in the midst of the illusion, to put what we see in it's proper place in our view of the world. Or, as Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

And so we have the faith of a child.

Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it. ~Mark 10:15

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Yahweh is Faithful

Well, last week was a really hard week involving someone I love being in the hospital and someone else I know--a really good person--dying unexpectedly. As you might expect, my soul was sorrowful. On top of all that, I had to finish out the school year and prepare for our first ever Shake the Earth event, which is where my ecclesia is branching out and releasing Yahweh's sound in new places in our region.

But Yahweh was totally faithful and I never lost faith. At first, I felt guilty for being sad and angry. I've spent years learning that my emotions have been wrong and that they need to be controlled. But being sad and angry when people do stupid things or really bad things happen isn't wrong. That's the reflection of truth! Because the things that happened were not righteous.

It's ok to be sad and it's ok to be angry so long as that is the righteous reflection of truth. And so long as you never lose faith. Because faith allows you to receive grace, and grace is Yahweh's power to change a thing in the Earth. So without faith and grace, nothing good can happen.

And it can be hard to maintain faith in the face of such adversity...of any adversity, really. Because things come against your faith. Yahweh told me that life didn't have to hurt all the time and since then I have had relatives go into the hospital, someone has died, I temporarily lost my ability to move my body, I had to deal with bad things happening to good people that I love, and I had to fight emotionally with old mindsets and curses. But you know what? Life doesn't have to hurt all the time! Because that is the Word and nothing is going to change that. And because I stand firm on this Word, I know it is what is going to manifest in this world.

But things come against the Word. It's pretty much automatic. The enemy doesn't want the Word to manifest in this world and the way he tries to keep that from happening is to make you believe that it isn't true...that it can't come to be. How devious! By making you believe that it isn't real, he ensures that it never becomes so.

But he is a failure and a liar. Because Yahweh is faithful! And every Word that He has spoken is, and was, and will always be. And I shall see it in this land, in this world! Because Yahweh is faithful to make me faithful. He has spoken a Word, and then He ensured that I could stand upon it. And since I do so, I know that His Word is real in this world.

So I am not hurting today. Because Yahweh is faithful. Every Word He speaks is true and He keeps His promises. He gave me a good day today. The person who was in the hospital is home and improving. I went to ecclesia, hung out with good friends, and had a hot fudge sundae (for the first time in 2 years!). And I know Yahweh will be faithful to comfort the family of the person who was lost--and indeed, all who knew him. And I know more joy is coming because I've seen those things too. And I stand on the Word that they shall come to pass and manifest. Because I know Yahweh is faithful. I've seen it already.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Last Day of School

Well, Friday was our last day, and it went well. Ok, it was hectic since it was a make-up day and students didn't really have to be anywhere after lunch. The whole afternoon they were either free to play games or play in the gym. I volunteered to let some kids watch movies in my room on Netflix. We watched "The Croods" and "Hoodwinked 2." Both of which were great movies.

Now it's summer time. Well, I have one more day of teacher inservice before then, but that's really nothing. I hope my kids have a good summer and look forward to seeing them next year. Kids are always much less squirrelly in August than they are in May. They really need the breaks to recharge and focus their energies so they can get back to learning in the fall. Those who decry school breaks don't seem to realize that children are not miniature adults who can just suck it up and focus like adults can. They have different needs, and there is no reason to not let kids enjoy being kids.

I have plans for one week this summer, and the rest is all a blur. Summer is always so different than the school year. Yahweh teaches me different things and it requires a different kind of faith to have nothing set to do with your time and still believe you are fulfilling your purpose. There is also a different type of freedom to not working in the summer that will allow me to do different things Yahweh might call me to that I cannot when tied down during the school year.

So Summer is always exciting, but so is the school year. It's a fun job where I have such dichotomous times in my years. But all times are Yahweh's times and we shall see what comes.

Have a happy, fun, safe Summer 2014!

Monday, May 19, 2014

I Love Life

I am realizing, recently, how often I wait expectantly for something. Once I'm married... Once I lose more weight...  Once I have kids... Once (insert whatever here)...

I know we all know better. Be happy where you are. But it's so easy to fall into the trap, once having seen a vision, of putting off your joy until you receive it. Or trying to make it come to pass. Or even being anxious that it won't.

But here's the thing: I'm happy where I am. I mean, I never thought I could even reach this point let alone the visions I've seen for the future. And everything happens in its time, so trying to rush the future won't help. So I've decided to enjoy where I am. I know that where I am is for such a time as this.

And when I do get married, lose more weight, and have kids, I will have different responsibilities than I have now. I have this time as a gift, to redeem things I never knew I had lost. I have this time, this short time, to be free of all the weight and worry of the lies that beset me when I was young and yet still not have so many responsibilities that they themselves weigh me down. I am faithful over what's been given to me now, so in due time my metron will increase. In the meantime, I shall enjoy where I am and who I am. And have faith for where I will be.

For how good and pleasant it is to dwell with Yahweh. To know who I am and where I am and that I am exactly where I am supposed to be for the moment.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Graduation 2014

I love graduations. I always cry at them. They provoke a whole gamut of emotions: pride, nostalgia, and a burgeoning hope for the future, all coupled with the sudden awareness that some of my favorite people just graduated and I won't be seeing them again.

Well, I will, but not like it has been.

Graduation is a line of demarcation between one period in your life and another. For my kids, it is a time to look forward to what is coming and fondly recall what has been. But I realized tonight that most of them have no idea what is coming. As our principal spoke of some life lessons that could benefit the graduates, I thought back to my own graduation. I forgot, almost, how much I didn't know then. (I wonder what, in the next ten years, I'll be thinking about this time in my life.) But when I was graduating from high school--and even from college--I had no idea what was coming or what life was really like. I had no idea how much a person could change or how much my perspective on the world would change. Most of that was Yahweh, but some of it was just growing up. (Which was also Yahweh.) I'm amazed at the idea of how much my kids will change in the next ten years. But even with all the advice they've been given tonight--from friends, family, and the principal--they just cannot fathom the future until they've been there. I know I never could've imagined how amazing and different my life now is from when I graduated. I hope the same for my kids.

For they truly are my kids. This is the first year I've had graduates with whom I've worked so closely. We have a history together, and I feel like I've played a role in their ability to graduate. Whether it was working for hours on an English paper with one girl or teaching another young lady enough Spanish that she can actually hold conversations, I have had a part in someone's education. I have made a difference! They told me it would happen when I started teaching but I just couldn't fathom it. Just as I cannot now fathom what these children will become. I am so proud of them!

Beyond the academics, I hope I've shown the graduates what life with Yahweh can be. I've spoken blessings over them and had real conversations with them about life. I know that they have good hearts and seeds have been planted and I expect a harvest. I expect that what they will become is great, but they will always be my kids.

May they become great, not in the eyes of the world, but in the eyes of Yahweh, their Father. May they come to know Him and follow His righteousness. May they have the peace and safety that comes with knowing the Father loves and values them, not for what they do, but for who they are. May the eyes of their minds be opened to the Prophetic and may they submit to the authority of the Apostolic. May the Kingdom grow in them so that they can grow the Kingdom. May they find a life full of blessings, joy, and peace, and may the richness of the goodness of Yahweh blossom in their hearts so that they will reap an everlasting and perpetual harvest. May the graduating class of (our high school) 2014 be blessed! Amen.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

My Favorite Things About Teaching

I really do love my job, which is a total miracle and gift from Yahweh. My first two years teaching, I thought it would kill me, but once Yahweh told me who I am and gave me my identity, I could finally step into the role He graced me for.

So here are my favorite things about my job:

1) Speaking Kingdom to my students, and showing them through my life who Yahweh is and what He can do.

2) Making a difference in my students' lives.

3) Hugging them when they're excited or having a bad day, and knowing that I can bring them comfort when they cry.

4) Being called "Mom" accidentally.

5) Being told that I'm their favorite teacher.

6) Hanging out with students at events that aren't in the classroom, like dances or field day.

7) Making children laugh.

8) When they make me laugh (which is often).

9) Sharing my passion for language with them, and finding the few who are also poets and linguists and lovers of the art of language.

10) Telling students that their lives matter, they are valuable, they have a bright future, and anything is possible.

11) When they share their frustrations and problems with me, and I get to tell them about how the same thing happened when I was their age, that it gets better, and that hormones are sucky liars but they eventually go away.

12) Talking with my older students about their futures, and seeing how they've changed since when I first met them. Watching them become aware of the world around them and their role in it. Seeing maturity happen.

13) Graduation.

14) Celebrating student achievements, whether through awards or just patting a kid on the back or giving them a high five when they've done something well.

15) Seeing students improve either in academics, attitude, or behavior.

16) Providing a safe place for them and having them trust me.

17) Knowing that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

18) When a child is excited to show me something they've done or something that has happened in their lives because they know I'm interested and want to share in their joy.

19) Feeling like I know what I'm doing.

20) Knowing that these kids are MINE to steward and I will stand for them and declare that they are also Yahweh's and He will find them wherever they are!

21) The way I feel at the end of a school year, that even if the kids learned nothing about language from me, they learned that they're loved, that they matter, and that they truly can do anything. And I hope they learned a little language too.

22) Each and every unique (and often strange) personality that comes into my classroom. :)

23) That I can be for my students what I wish someone had been for me: someone who has been through what they've been through and conquered. Who can tell them on the other side that the battle is temporary and the victory is permanent, and that the problems of the moment pale in comparison to  the joys of a lifetime. And for this joy set before them, they must persevere.

So you see, though I love language and sharing it with students, the academics and test scores and other things that the world says matter are only secondary to my true purpose there. Though I want my students to have every tool they will need to be successful in whatever they decide to do for their futures--and I will provide these tools to the best of my ability--in the end, it is my love for my students that makes my job worthwhile. It is the purpose to which Yahweh has called me and for which Yahweh has graced me. It is the sympathetic ear, the warm embrace, the conversations I can have in which I share with my students something some of them have never heard before: "You matter. I love you. Now, go change the world."

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Prom

Well, another year, another prom. Ok, so it's only my second one. (I didn't go my first year teaching and I never went to one when I was in high school). Still, it was pretty cool.

The best parts: the kids, my coworkers, the decorations. Proms are so much more fun when there are people there you enjoy spending time with. Most of my Spanish II class was there (2 out of 3 kids!) and some of my Spanish I kids. There were also some girls I haven't really had in class, but whom I love and have bonded with. They all looked very pretty and were so fun to just chat with. I even got pictures with a couple of students, though I had to get one of them to sneak the other's phone away from her so I could get a copy of the picture!

I also got to hang out with some of my coworkers whom I enjoy. It is way different and more fun when you have friends at work with whom you can spend time at these social events. It's also more fun to go to Prom voluntarily rather than as a required chaperone. Plus I could leave at a decent hour so I can get some sleep tonight before ecclesia tomorrow.

The worst part was the music. Really, everything else was cool. Even some of the songs were ok, but for the most part the music was LOUD and pretty much the same style songs over and over again. Finally after an hour someone asked the DJ to play songs the kids could dance to, and after that the kids started dancing, though the music didn't seem to get any better in my opinion.

After this LOUDness, I stepped outside, where many kids were getting some air (or perhaps secretly also escaping the music) and I got to chat with more friends and students.

Also, I got free glo-bracelets.

All in all a good time. I hope everyone else is having a fun and safe Prom 2014!