Wow. This summer has been amazing. I love walking out my life with Yahweh because I am never the same person from month to month. I love growing and changing and being more of who He made me to be before the beginning of time.
I am a vastly different person leaving this summer than I was when it began. I walk in new revelations, I live in a new place, and I have stood on foreign soil.
The most amazing thing about this summer, I would say, is that Yahweh has taught me some things about life, about Him, and about me. I have learned to trust Him more, to believe that whatever I experience in life is in His power. No, He will not cause bad things to happen or even allow bad things to happen as if that is His desire all along. Yet, in His sovereignty, He can redeem all of the things that happen to me and make them good. He has made me good. Sovereignty is amazing because somehow, some unfathomable way, He made justice and mercy one again. He fixed everything.
I have learned that I am not broken; not a terrible person or a waste of space. I am not something that needs to be fixed, improved upon, or put back together again. I was, but I am not anymore, for Yahweh has made me whole. He has given me life and revelation of that life so that I can actually walk in it instead of only hoping for it. He has shown me that He loves me and, though I am not perfect, all I have to do to grow is let Him work in me. I don't have to strive or make things happen. Again, all I have to do is trust Him.
I have learned about the immutability of Yahweh. He will never change, His Word will never change, His will toward me will never change. I cannot break His Kingdom or make Him stop loving me any more than I can fix myself or make myself holy.
And then, He gave me a house. It's a little house, cute and perfect for me and my dog. The rent is less than it was in my apartment, and the house has so many beautiful windows. I don't have horribly loud neighbors playing the bass at all hours of the night or smoking illicit substances downstairs. My windows are open to see Yahweh's beautiful nature that He created. My yard is large and green and my landlord mows it for me. And Yahweh gave it to me to live in. Tired of apartments, I searched for a house online and none of them were in my budget range; it was not even doable to be able to live in a house on my own. Just when I began to give up, my coworker offers me this house to live in. He gave it to me, I did not have to seek it out.
And then I went to London. I've read so much about it, I know so much of English history, and to see the places I've always read about, paintings I've seen online that I'd never seen in person. To stand on foundations that were thousands of years old and touch soil that was not the land I was born in. It was amazing and it was marvelous. And I couldn't have ever afforded it without Yahweh. He gave me this, too. And then He used it to teach me some things about people, about being in a family and loving people no matter what happens and knowing that they will always love you, too.
Finally, I got a new car. It is used, but new to me. It had less than 17,000 miles on it and it is less than a year old. It is exactly what I've dreamed of in a car since I rented one in 2011. It has all the latest technological capabilities and everything I wanted. Again, I could never have afforded it without Yahweh. The car retails used for $2,000-$3,000 more than I could pay, and my trade-in was damaged. Still, I was diligent and I believed that He would give me the car He had for me. I did research and test-driving for two months, and then I felt a peace, like my car was out there. One day, I'm looking up cars on the Internet and I find it. The exact car I want with everything I wanted on it for an exactly affordable price. It was only $200 above wholesale value and I drove 3 hours to get it. Driving home in my new silver car was the sweetest experience. Again, Yahweh gave it to me. While I was faithful in my part of research, I did not seek out or jump at bad offers that were "almost right." I waited for Him to give me the right car, and when I found it, I knew.
It has been a beautiful summer, and my visions of the future are bright and beautiful. I am being called on to operate in some of the graces Yahweh has placed in me in new ways next year. I get to pour into the lives of many children that I love. I finally get to feel like I know what I'm doing. And I will walk into this next school year a different person than I left the last one. More confident, more steady, more me.
It is the year of shining brightly and it is time, once again, to bring Yahweh's glory into the Earth in new ways, expanding His Kingdom one step at a time. I am Faithful and He is perfectly faithful. And as I cross this threshold into the new school year, I do so in faith and confidence because I am graced for this. I am not broken. I am capable of all things in Yahweh.
It is such an amazing thing to be at peace with my God and myself.
Thank You, Yahweh!
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
You Are Not Broken
I'm writing this post, being real, in hopes that it will help someone else who has gone through similar things to what I've been through. I know many women, and probably men, too, go through these kinds of things. For absolutely no explainable reason, and through no fault of our own, we hate ourselves.
I don't know what it is about us that makes us downplay our strengths and highlight our faults in our own minds, but it is all too easy to do. Even when there's no specific fault in view, often there is a general discontent with who we are as people. Then, there are the actual flaws that are inherent in being human. Heaven forbid I actually make a mistake on the job or someone next door does something better than me! I just must be too terrible of a person. Somehow, I failed. I didn't try hard enough, I was too lazy to bother, I just can't do it as well. It would probably be easier if I just didn't exist. After all, I take more from the world than I give to it.
It doesn't even really help to know that the person next door who does such a good job at what I cannot do is feeling the exact same way I am for equally ridiculous reasons.
I have to believe that this is all part of the fall, a ploy of the enemy to keep us from returning to Yahweh, who really, really, really wants us back. I mean, He wants us back so much that He was willing to cut Himself off from His own perfect Son and sacrifice Him on a cross, gruesomely, to get us back. But He can't make us come back to Him, and if we are so sure we're not worthy of it, we may never come. Clever enemy. He can't stop Yahweh from loving us, so he decided to do the next best thing and stop us from loving ourselves.
And this self-loathing is not based in reality, so it cannot be reasoned away. That bad day on the job? Yes, realistically it was one bad day in which I was simply tired and so were the kids and so I lost my temper. Still, I must be the worst teacher in the world, right? I mean, who yells at children? Or maybe I just might make a mistake later today... Perhaps I, even with the best of intentions, might unintentionally sin, or even give into temptation and intentionally do something I know to be wrong. The fear of messing up in the future is just as hampering as the regret over having messed up in the past, and just as unwarranted, for it denies the power of Yahweh to redeem and fix any mistakes that I might make. As if the power I have to mess up is greater than Yahweh's power of redemption. My heart is pure. I desire to please Yahweh. He is big enough to ensure that I do.
So if self-deprecation can't be reasoned away, can't be argued away, what can we do? We could, perhaps, strive really hard and work our tails off to be better than that teacher or neighbor next door or become super saintly and do a lot of really good deeds and avoid doing bad things? Except that self-confidence based on what I do only lasts as long as that good deed. It's impossible to stay on top forever when striving in our own efforts. We just don't have enough energy to be the best all the time. If we did, we wouldn't need Holy Spirit and the power of Yahweh to save us.
So if we can't reason away self-loathing, and if we can't be good enough to outdistance it, then what? The answer is simple. Our self-worth must not be based on something as arbitrary as feelings or as changing as our own actions or comparisons to others. It must be based on something that is constant, steady, unchanging. It must be based on Yahweh Himself. On His unchanging Word.
And do you know what the most amazing thing is? His Word is that we are not broken. We are not bad. There is nothing wrong with us. He has redeemed us. All we have to do is let Him, is believe this truth. No matter what we've done or thought or not done enough, no matter what we might do tomorrow or fail to do the next day, we are not broken. We are loved. This will not change, and as long as we allow Yahweh to operate in our lives, we can never be broken. We can never be less-than. And we can allow ourselves to accept the one thing we've always desired all of our lives, the Love of Yahweh. We can come home.
So think about that. Make the enemy's day horrible and love yourself, for Yahweh loves you. He accepts you. You are not broken.
I don't know what it is about us that makes us downplay our strengths and highlight our faults in our own minds, but it is all too easy to do. Even when there's no specific fault in view, often there is a general discontent with who we are as people. Then, there are the actual flaws that are inherent in being human. Heaven forbid I actually make a mistake on the job or someone next door does something better than me! I just must be too terrible of a person. Somehow, I failed. I didn't try hard enough, I was too lazy to bother, I just can't do it as well. It would probably be easier if I just didn't exist. After all, I take more from the world than I give to it.
It doesn't even really help to know that the person next door who does such a good job at what I cannot do is feeling the exact same way I am for equally ridiculous reasons.
I have to believe that this is all part of the fall, a ploy of the enemy to keep us from returning to Yahweh, who really, really, really wants us back. I mean, He wants us back so much that He was willing to cut Himself off from His own perfect Son and sacrifice Him on a cross, gruesomely, to get us back. But He can't make us come back to Him, and if we are so sure we're not worthy of it, we may never come. Clever enemy. He can't stop Yahweh from loving us, so he decided to do the next best thing and stop us from loving ourselves.
And this self-loathing is not based in reality, so it cannot be reasoned away. That bad day on the job? Yes, realistically it was one bad day in which I was simply tired and so were the kids and so I lost my temper. Still, I must be the worst teacher in the world, right? I mean, who yells at children? Or maybe I just might make a mistake later today... Perhaps I, even with the best of intentions, might unintentionally sin, or even give into temptation and intentionally do something I know to be wrong. The fear of messing up in the future is just as hampering as the regret over having messed up in the past, and just as unwarranted, for it denies the power of Yahweh to redeem and fix any mistakes that I might make. As if the power I have to mess up is greater than Yahweh's power of redemption. My heart is pure. I desire to please Yahweh. He is big enough to ensure that I do.
So if self-deprecation can't be reasoned away, can't be argued away, what can we do? We could, perhaps, strive really hard and work our tails off to be better than that teacher or neighbor next door or become super saintly and do a lot of really good deeds and avoid doing bad things? Except that self-confidence based on what I do only lasts as long as that good deed. It's impossible to stay on top forever when striving in our own efforts. We just don't have enough energy to be the best all the time. If we did, we wouldn't need Holy Spirit and the power of Yahweh to save us.
So if we can't reason away self-loathing, and if we can't be good enough to outdistance it, then what? The answer is simple. Our self-worth must not be based on something as arbitrary as feelings or as changing as our own actions or comparisons to others. It must be based on something that is constant, steady, unchanging. It must be based on Yahweh Himself. On His unchanging Word.
And do you know what the most amazing thing is? His Word is that we are not broken. We are not bad. There is nothing wrong with us. He has redeemed us. All we have to do is let Him, is believe this truth. No matter what we've done or thought or not done enough, no matter what we might do tomorrow or fail to do the next day, we are not broken. We are loved. This will not change, and as long as we allow Yahweh to operate in our lives, we can never be broken. We can never be less-than. And we can allow ourselves to accept the one thing we've always desired all of our lives, the Love of Yahweh. We can come home.
So think about that. Make the enemy's day horrible and love yourself, for Yahweh loves you. He accepts you. You are not broken.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Everything
Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for the good to those who love Yahweh and are called according to His purpose. I used to cling to this verse hoping that it were true because I was miserable, and I hoped that misery was at least somehow working some good somewhere.
It was.
Yahweh does not cause bad things to happen. He is good and so that would not be in His nature, and yet, He does redeem those bad things to the point of full redemption, if we let Him.
I am living in a time of profound gratitude for all that Yahweh has done in my life. It's rather amazing. I'll spare the gory details, but I've been through some pretty horrible things in my life. I know there's worse things out there, but I went through some things that I never wish to experience again.
I was clinically depressed for ten years. I weighed 387 pounds. I had no friends, no hope, no future. I didn't know what happiness even looked like. And even as Yahweh began to heal all of those things, I found that process of healing could be painful. I went through a season of time where I couldn't use my muscles properly. For a week and a half, I couldn't walk, and for a month I couldn't use my arms or fingers. I've been through panic attacks where I couldn't breathe. I lived in a dark apartment with no sunlight penetrating windows. I've seen people I love go through terrible things. I had the enemy tell me to try to give up and that I didn't matter. I hated my life and I hated myself.
And what I love about this is, Yahweh has redeemed it all! He healed me of depression, restored my physical body to me. He has given me an identity that cannot be assailed by doubt or fear. He has shown me that He loves me and He never meant for me to be unhappy. He has given me a love for Him and a love for myself. And then He has given me tangible blessings: a house to live in with many windows, the ability to open the door on my car after it was wrecked. I have an adorable dog who loves me. I have friends who are willing to help me with anything. I have confidants. I get to be a part of an ecclesia full of people who are willing to give up everything to receive Yahweh's Kingdom and move it forward in the Earth.
He has restored to me what the swarming locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25-27) and given me even more than I ever could have imagined.
Beyond that, He has made me into a person that I like. I am strong and courageous. I am faithful. I have Holy Spirit's power leading me and giving me the ability to do anything. I get to pour into the lives of the next generation. I can write poems and novels and blog posts. And I am still growing.
I am in tears at the marvels that Yahweh has done in my life and I'm even more amazed to know: there is more than even this!
And through all of it, everything, Yahweh was there, being my God, loving me, carrying me through the bad times and establishing me in the good times. He took care of me and is taking care of me. I was never alone, though I thought that was all I'd ever be. He will always be there for me, and He will always be the sovereign, redeeming, Lord and King of all.
This is my God, the One who can do such things, and I am so profoundly grateful...
For EVERYTHING.
It was.
Yahweh does not cause bad things to happen. He is good and so that would not be in His nature, and yet, He does redeem those bad things to the point of full redemption, if we let Him.
I am living in a time of profound gratitude for all that Yahweh has done in my life. It's rather amazing. I'll spare the gory details, but I've been through some pretty horrible things in my life. I know there's worse things out there, but I went through some things that I never wish to experience again.
I was clinically depressed for ten years. I weighed 387 pounds. I had no friends, no hope, no future. I didn't know what happiness even looked like. And even as Yahweh began to heal all of those things, I found that process of healing could be painful. I went through a season of time where I couldn't use my muscles properly. For a week and a half, I couldn't walk, and for a month I couldn't use my arms or fingers. I've been through panic attacks where I couldn't breathe. I lived in a dark apartment with no sunlight penetrating windows. I've seen people I love go through terrible things. I had the enemy tell me to try to give up and that I didn't matter. I hated my life and I hated myself.
And what I love about this is, Yahweh has redeemed it all! He healed me of depression, restored my physical body to me. He has given me an identity that cannot be assailed by doubt or fear. He has shown me that He loves me and He never meant for me to be unhappy. He has given me a love for Him and a love for myself. And then He has given me tangible blessings: a house to live in with many windows, the ability to open the door on my car after it was wrecked. I have an adorable dog who loves me. I have friends who are willing to help me with anything. I have confidants. I get to be a part of an ecclesia full of people who are willing to give up everything to receive Yahweh's Kingdom and move it forward in the Earth.
He has restored to me what the swarming locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25-27) and given me even more than I ever could have imagined.
Beyond that, He has made me into a person that I like. I am strong and courageous. I am faithful. I have Holy Spirit's power leading me and giving me the ability to do anything. I get to pour into the lives of the next generation. I can write poems and novels and blog posts. And I am still growing.
I am in tears at the marvels that Yahweh has done in my life and I'm even more amazed to know: there is more than even this!
And through all of it, everything, Yahweh was there, being my God, loving me, carrying me through the bad times and establishing me in the good times. He took care of me and is taking care of me. I was never alone, though I thought that was all I'd ever be. He will always be there for me, and He will always be the sovereign, redeeming, Lord and King of all.
This is my God, the One who can do such things, and I am so profoundly grateful...
For EVERYTHING.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Yahweh is Only Moved by His Word
Yahweh is only moved by His Word.
I have been learning, recently, about the immutability of Yahweh's Word, of Yahweh Himself (Hebrews 6; Isaiah 40:7-8). I doubt I am done learning about this, because it is such a deep and important revelation about the nature of Yahweh Himself.
He is unchanging. Nothing in this world can change Him or cause Him to change His mind and His will toward us. That is so important to understand because He is not moved by our circumstances or even our actions. Nothing moves Him but His Word. This is why He does not stop loving us when we sin or condemn us when we fail Him time and time again. Neither does He approve us when we are successful. That is not how we have His approval. That is not His Word.
His Word is salvation and life. He sent His Son, Yahshua, to fulfill His Word so that, by two immutable things in which it is impossible for Yahweh to lie, we might have strong consolation (Hebrews 6:18). His Word is approval and love, and it is based in Him, not in us.He isn't changed by our actions, by our feelings, or by our circumstances. Nothing can change His love for us or His plans for us. This is not an excuse to sin, however. In fact, it is a warning against it. Because nothing moves Yahweh but His Word. Therefore, if you want Yahweh to move in your life, you'd better get in His Word. He cannot move in your life until you are in His Word, so while He is not angry at you or condemning you when you sin, sin does slow up His process of redemption because it stops Him from being able to work fully in you and in your life. (For clarity, the definition of sin is setting aside the Word of Yahweh.) Good news, though! The minute you stop sinning and resume operating in the Word of Yahweh, He can start working again!
So if you want Yahweh to move in your life, you'd better be in His Word. If you want Yahweh to move through your life, you'd better be His Word. Be so completely lined up with Him and His Word that you cannot separate yourself from it. Then, you have your identity, your very being, in Him.
And that's the best part! Yahweh's Word is based on, anchored in, Him. This hope is the anchor for our souls, which can often be buffeted by the storms of feelings and circumstances in this life. It is sure and steadfast in Him and He never changes. Therefore, if we anchor ourselves in Him, we shall also be unmoved by the storms of this life.
And as we are anchored in Him, He can flow--move--through us even as He promised (John 7:38).
HalleluYah!
Friday, May 15, 2015
Graduation 2015
I love graduation. Every year it makes me cry as I look at the kids I've nurtured and watched mature over the few years that I've known them achieve a milestone in their lives, a night they will never forget. I also become very pensive, in a good way, as I take stock over the past school year and all of the changes that have happened since August, only a few short months ago.
Every year, I see maturity in new ways as I, myself, become more mature. I see more, now, of what the kids will need to know and the tools and resources they'll need to have as the move on into a world that is at once both terrible and wonderful. They have so much and so little. Some of them have overcome great obstacles to be able to graduate, while others seemed to soar through this part of their lifelong education. Still, even those who achieved all the scholarships and awards had things to overcome that made their rewards all the sweeter.
Yet, whether they grew up with all they needed to flourish or not, they arrived at this point, graduation day, together. And now they have the chance to move into a future and make of it what they will. It is up to them to decide how they will use the resources that are in their proverbial toolbox. While some may think it is unfair that some kids have more tools than others, I know that it is the pleasure of Yahweh my Father to give them all things, and while they may not have what everyone thinks they need, Yahweh doesn't have to give everyone the same thing to give everyone the best thing. Each child, in Yahweh's hand, has been given their best chance to reach Him. And I know He is with them wherever they go.
I like to look back at my own growth and development over this school year as well. I am never the same person in May as I was in August. I'm a little older, a little wiser, and so in some ways I feel like I graduate all over again each May as I see what Yahweh has done through me this year. There are the victories I see in my students: maturity, enhanced writing ability, the potential to continue prospering next year. There are the victories in my personal life: moving into a house, buying a new car. Then, there are the most important things, the victories I've reached with Yahweh. Things that have been established in me by Him, never to be torn asunder.
Growing is hard, sometimes, like when you work out a muscle so that it is stronger than it was when you started. It aches and burns as you stretch it out, but one day, that move you've been doing for weeks, months, or even years that used to make you cringe and ache with pain is easy. And then it's time to try a new move, grow a little more. We have infinity, after all, to reach.
This year I've learned a lot with Yahweh. I've increased in so many ways. And I'm grateful. Nights like tonight make me stand back in awe of the entire spectrum of human experience. I watched children graduate whose mothers died two years ago, others who clawed their way out of poverty to achieve top rankings and high scholarships. I saw children who excelled in public speaking, those who went to state tournaments in sports, and those who can play any musical instrument like a virtuoso. I saw those who barely scraped a passing grade and those who just kept their heads down and tried to get through it, ranking somewhere in the middle of the class. I saw an ending and a new beginning. And all of it was beautiful.
All of it is beautiful. In these moments, I can almost understand a small part of the beauty of Yahweh's plan of redemption. That each of us, no matter how we start or where we end up, have been given our best chance to get back to Him. That we all must go through trials, but we all have joyful triumphs. The whole wide spectrum of the Human Experience makes me dizzy with awe and wonder.
And My Father created all of this! Oh the joy set before Him that He shares so generously with me. HalleluYah!
Every year, I see maturity in new ways as I, myself, become more mature. I see more, now, of what the kids will need to know and the tools and resources they'll need to have as the move on into a world that is at once both terrible and wonderful. They have so much and so little. Some of them have overcome great obstacles to be able to graduate, while others seemed to soar through this part of their lifelong education. Still, even those who achieved all the scholarships and awards had things to overcome that made their rewards all the sweeter.
Yet, whether they grew up with all they needed to flourish or not, they arrived at this point, graduation day, together. And now they have the chance to move into a future and make of it what they will. It is up to them to decide how they will use the resources that are in their proverbial toolbox. While some may think it is unfair that some kids have more tools than others, I know that it is the pleasure of Yahweh my Father to give them all things, and while they may not have what everyone thinks they need, Yahweh doesn't have to give everyone the same thing to give everyone the best thing. Each child, in Yahweh's hand, has been given their best chance to reach Him. And I know He is with them wherever they go.
I like to look back at my own growth and development over this school year as well. I am never the same person in May as I was in August. I'm a little older, a little wiser, and so in some ways I feel like I graduate all over again each May as I see what Yahweh has done through me this year. There are the victories I see in my students: maturity, enhanced writing ability, the potential to continue prospering next year. There are the victories in my personal life: moving into a house, buying a new car. Then, there are the most important things, the victories I've reached with Yahweh. Things that have been established in me by Him, never to be torn asunder.
Growing is hard, sometimes, like when you work out a muscle so that it is stronger than it was when you started. It aches and burns as you stretch it out, but one day, that move you've been doing for weeks, months, or even years that used to make you cringe and ache with pain is easy. And then it's time to try a new move, grow a little more. We have infinity, after all, to reach.
This year I've learned a lot with Yahweh. I've increased in so many ways. And I'm grateful. Nights like tonight make me stand back in awe of the entire spectrum of human experience. I watched children graduate whose mothers died two years ago, others who clawed their way out of poverty to achieve top rankings and high scholarships. I saw children who excelled in public speaking, those who went to state tournaments in sports, and those who can play any musical instrument like a virtuoso. I saw those who barely scraped a passing grade and those who just kept their heads down and tried to get through it, ranking somewhere in the middle of the class. I saw an ending and a new beginning. And all of it was beautiful.
All of it is beautiful. In these moments, I can almost understand a small part of the beauty of Yahweh's plan of redemption. That each of us, no matter how we start or where we end up, have been given our best chance to get back to Him. That we all must go through trials, but we all have joyful triumphs. The whole wide spectrum of the Human Experience makes me dizzy with awe and wonder.
And My Father created all of this! Oh the joy set before Him that He shares so generously with me. HalleluYah!
Friday, May 8, 2015
Learning to Prosper
I have some huge testimonies coming. Actually, I have some huge testimonies. It's been a banner month, and it's only been 8 days! I am increasing in so many ways, and it all seems to be happening so fast. I don't think, though, that it really is. We've spent months preparing for this, Yahweh and I, and we're ready. When His Harvest suddenly appears, we have to be ready. But He knows the timing and He will prepare us for the Harvest when the Harvest needs us.
I'm learning a lot through this prosperity. I haven't really had situations like this before. I mean, I've increased, but it's usually been by being delivered of something. While I was recently delivered of some fears I've had since childhood, that was only the first of the many blessings Yahweh has given me in the past week.
It's different, though, prospering this way. When you increase in blessing, you also increase in responsibility. We are faithful stewards over the things that Yahweh entrusts to us, and when He entrusts more to us, there is more over which to steward. It is easy to get caught up in worrying and striving to manage the new, bigger metron that Yahweh has given us. What I need to remember is simple. Don't do that. These blessings came to me when I most wanted them, but not because I went off searching and striving for them. Yahweh brought them to me almost without my asking. Though my heart yearned for these things, I never really sat down and asked Yahweh for them, probably because I didn't think He would think I needed them right now. What's most amazing is that when Yahweh places a desire in your heart, it's likely because he's already fulfilled it and you just don't know it yet. Therefore, why worry? What is there to strive for when we know it's already done and the blessings are already ours? Now all I need to do is be faithful and obedient over the steps necessary to complete the process, walking in His strength and grace to receive what He has had for me all along.
I suppose maybe that's not so different after all, having prosperity added to you and having a deliverance experience. Either way, it takes faith. Often, it takes patience. What's most important to remember is that Yahshua finished it all, Yahweh perfected what He authored before He even began it. All I have to do is receive it.
I'm looking forward to walking this process out with Yahweh. I'm hoping that this will be a main difference between what I'm experiencing now and what I've experienced in the past. In the past, because of the things that I was carrying and hadn't been delivered of, I was unable to really see or feel Yahweh walking with me, though He was certainly there. Now, I want to share this joy with Him. After all, not only is He the author of my prosperity, but He is also better than even that. Whatever He brings me, whatever He gives me, it will not distract me from Him and His greatness. And that's the second thing I've learned in prospering. Don't forget Yahweh. I don't ever want anything that will take me away from Him because He is my heart's greatest desire.
Remember, if He placed a desire in my heart, it's because He already fulfilled it. Oh the joy of Yahweh and His prosperity. Seek first the Kingdom... really, seek first the King... and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. HalleluYah!
I'm learning a lot through this prosperity. I haven't really had situations like this before. I mean, I've increased, but it's usually been by being delivered of something. While I was recently delivered of some fears I've had since childhood, that was only the first of the many blessings Yahweh has given me in the past week.
It's different, though, prospering this way. When you increase in blessing, you also increase in responsibility. We are faithful stewards over the things that Yahweh entrusts to us, and when He entrusts more to us, there is more over which to steward. It is easy to get caught up in worrying and striving to manage the new, bigger metron that Yahweh has given us. What I need to remember is simple. Don't do that. These blessings came to me when I most wanted them, but not because I went off searching and striving for them. Yahweh brought them to me almost without my asking. Though my heart yearned for these things, I never really sat down and asked Yahweh for them, probably because I didn't think He would think I needed them right now. What's most amazing is that when Yahweh places a desire in your heart, it's likely because he's already fulfilled it and you just don't know it yet. Therefore, why worry? What is there to strive for when we know it's already done and the blessings are already ours? Now all I need to do is be faithful and obedient over the steps necessary to complete the process, walking in His strength and grace to receive what He has had for me all along.
I suppose maybe that's not so different after all, having prosperity added to you and having a deliverance experience. Either way, it takes faith. Often, it takes patience. What's most important to remember is that Yahshua finished it all, Yahweh perfected what He authored before He even began it. All I have to do is receive it.
I'm looking forward to walking this process out with Yahweh. I'm hoping that this will be a main difference between what I'm experiencing now and what I've experienced in the past. In the past, because of the things that I was carrying and hadn't been delivered of, I was unable to really see or feel Yahweh walking with me, though He was certainly there. Now, I want to share this joy with Him. After all, not only is He the author of my prosperity, but He is also better than even that. Whatever He brings me, whatever He gives me, it will not distract me from Him and His greatness. And that's the second thing I've learned in prospering. Don't forget Yahweh. I don't ever want anything that will take me away from Him because He is my heart's greatest desire.
Remember, if He placed a desire in my heart, it's because He already fulfilled it. Oh the joy of Yahweh and His prosperity. Seek first the Kingdom... really, seek first the King... and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. HalleluYah!
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Faith is the Most Important Thing Ever
I love writing. It is the way I create, using the creative ability that Yahweh placed within me for His glory. It is also the way I process things. I may have the urge to write without even knowing what I'm writing about yet, but by the end of a page, I have figured out something about my life or about what I'm walking through right now that I didn't know I would discover when I began writing. Incidentally, this is how I managed to pass many a college exam.
Today, I feel like writing, and I feel a bit pensive. There are so many things to think and worry about for a teacher this time of the year. Add to all of that the normal things that everyone goes through in their personal lives and I have been known to be exhausted this time of year.
Today, this weekend, I have no obligations. I haven't had that in a long time. I'm excited to spend the day relaxing and recovering from a very long month and preparing for what promises (in true end-of-year fashion) to be a long month ahead. I know I can only do all of this in Yahweh's strength, but that doesn't mean I don't need to just have a little "me-time." I am learning that it is important to take care of myself, to say "no" when people make requests of me. It does not mean I am selfish or inconsiderate. It just means I am prioritizing what Yahweh says is important and saving the energy that I have to spend on those things, those purposes that Yahweh established for such a time as this.
One thing that never deserves time is worrying. Worrying is probably the biggest energy-sucker and distraction I deal with. I worry about disappointing Yahweh, about not being enough. I worry about if I am going to remember all the things I have to do or if I will be able to deal with the life changes that I sense are coming. It's exhausting, worrying. It's also pointless. I know we've all heard those sayings, quotes, and even Bible verses about how silly worry is and how much of a waste of time it is. After all, if the God of the entire universe is on your side and has already fought the battle for you to win, what is there possibly to worry about? But see, worry makes no sense. Fear makes no sense. It has no reason for actually being.
Perhaps it is for this reason that I cannot argue worry away. I can't rationalize why I don't need to worry. I already know that I don't need to worry. I already know all the reasons that worry is pointless and distracting. So I can't present a new argument to my brain that will make me go, "Oh, yeah! Silly me. I won't worry anymore now!"
So how can I stop worrying about things that will probably never happen, or things that may happen, but won't change who Yahweh is? Like everything else, it comes by faith.
Sometimes, it is that daily affirmation that Yes, I believe You, Yahweh! Even though my emotions tell me I'm dying or that the very thing I most desperately want can never come to be. But I believe! I trust! I know! And if I still worry for a time, it doesn't make me any less faithful or any less full of faith. And one day, when my faith has grown stronger and is strong enough to bring Yahweh's Word from Heaven to Earth, I will no longer worry or fear. There won't be room for worry or fear because the place that they once occupied is now taken by Yahweh's Word.
And this is how the war is won. One decision of faith at a time. Not to combat or fight worry or fear by reason or even by directly addressing them, but simply to choose to believe Yahweh. Believe His Word. And believe that I will see His Word manifest in my life, in the here and now. Because fear and Yahweh's Word cannot coexist. And His Word is evident, is substantial, only by faith.
See, I love writing. Sometimes it can even build up that Most Holy Faith that is the only thing that can bring Heaven and Earth together as one.
Today, I feel like writing, and I feel a bit pensive. There are so many things to think and worry about for a teacher this time of the year. Add to all of that the normal things that everyone goes through in their personal lives and I have been known to be exhausted this time of year.
Today, this weekend, I have no obligations. I haven't had that in a long time. I'm excited to spend the day relaxing and recovering from a very long month and preparing for what promises (in true end-of-year fashion) to be a long month ahead. I know I can only do all of this in Yahweh's strength, but that doesn't mean I don't need to just have a little "me-time." I am learning that it is important to take care of myself, to say "no" when people make requests of me. It does not mean I am selfish or inconsiderate. It just means I am prioritizing what Yahweh says is important and saving the energy that I have to spend on those things, those purposes that Yahweh established for such a time as this.
One thing that never deserves time is worrying. Worrying is probably the biggest energy-sucker and distraction I deal with. I worry about disappointing Yahweh, about not being enough. I worry about if I am going to remember all the things I have to do or if I will be able to deal with the life changes that I sense are coming. It's exhausting, worrying. It's also pointless. I know we've all heard those sayings, quotes, and even Bible verses about how silly worry is and how much of a waste of time it is. After all, if the God of the entire universe is on your side and has already fought the battle for you to win, what is there possibly to worry about? But see, worry makes no sense. Fear makes no sense. It has no reason for actually being.
Perhaps it is for this reason that I cannot argue worry away. I can't rationalize why I don't need to worry. I already know that I don't need to worry. I already know all the reasons that worry is pointless and distracting. So I can't present a new argument to my brain that will make me go, "Oh, yeah! Silly me. I won't worry anymore now!"
So how can I stop worrying about things that will probably never happen, or things that may happen, but won't change who Yahweh is? Like everything else, it comes by faith.
Sometimes, it is that daily affirmation that Yes, I believe You, Yahweh! Even though my emotions tell me I'm dying or that the very thing I most desperately want can never come to be. But I believe! I trust! I know! And if I still worry for a time, it doesn't make me any less faithful or any less full of faith. And one day, when my faith has grown stronger and is strong enough to bring Yahweh's Word from Heaven to Earth, I will no longer worry or fear. There won't be room for worry or fear because the place that they once occupied is now taken by Yahweh's Word.
And this is how the war is won. One decision of faith at a time. Not to combat or fight worry or fear by reason or even by directly addressing them, but simply to choose to believe Yahweh. Believe His Word. And believe that I will see His Word manifest in my life, in the here and now. Because fear and Yahweh's Word cannot coexist. And His Word is evident, is substantial, only by faith.
See, I love writing. Sometimes it can even build up that Most Holy Faith that is the only thing that can bring Heaven and Earth together as one.
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