Ethics of A Panicdemic

Here are some ethical questions to consider.

Let’s say you’ve been kidnapped and your kidnapper offers you a choice. Shoot one person in the head or choose between two buttons, one of which will do nothing and the other of which will detonate a bomb that will kill 10,000 people. (You cannot choose to shoot the kidnapper.)

1)      Would you shoot the person in the head or pick a button?

2)      Does this answer change if you have to shoot 2 people? 10? 20? At which point does the number become unacceptable?

3)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are among the 10,000?

4)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are the people you have to shoot?

5)      Does the answer change if you have to shoot yourself?

Changing the scenario a little. Let’s say that the kidnapper makes you choose a button before then choosing to shoot the people.

1)      How would you feel if your kidnapper told you after you had shot the person/people that the button you had chosen would have caused no harm?

2)      How would you feel if your kidnapper told you after you had shot the person/people that the button you had chosen would have killed 10,000 people?

3)      How would you feel if you had chosen not to shoot the person/people and the button you had chosen would have caused no harm?

4)      How would you feel if you had chosen not to shoot the person/people and the button you had chosen would have killed 10,000 people?

 Same scenario, only now in this situation, you can choose to kill the kidnapper, but if you fail, the 10,000 people will die.

1)      Are you obligated to try to kill only the “bad guy” and attempt to save all innocents?

Same scenario, only in this situation, the people you are shooting in the head have an equal chance of surviving their head wound as the 50/50 chance of blowing up the 10,000 people?

1)      Would you shoot the person in the head or pick a button?

2)      Does this answer change if you have to shoot 2 people? 10? 20? At which point does the number become unacceptable?

3)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are among the 10,000?

4)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are the people you have to shoot?

5)      Does the answer change if you have to shoot yourself?

 Same scenario, only in this situation, you have 100 buttons to choose from and 99 will do nothing, but 1 will detonate the bomb.

1)      Would you shoot the person in the head or pick a button?

2)      Does this answer change if you have to shoot 2 people? 10? 20? At which point does the number become unacceptable?

3)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are among the 10,000?

4)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are the people you have to shoot?

5)      Does the answer change if you have to shoot yourself?

Same scenario, only in this situation, you have 100 buttons to choose from and 99 will do nothing, but 1 will detonate the bomb, also the gun is a six shooter and only 1 bullet is loaded. Also, there are 700,000 people in the blasting zone.

1)      Would you shoot the person in the head or pick a button?

2)      Does this answer change if you have to shoot 2 people? 10? 20? At which point does the number become unacceptable?

3)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are among the 700,000?

4)      Does the answer change if your closest loved ones are the people you have to shoot?

5)      Does the answer change if you have to shoot yourself?

Same scenario, only in this situation, you can choose to give up control and allow the kidnapper, the people who will be shot, and the people in the blasting zone to all do what they need to do in a desperate bid for life. By walking away, you know that some will die, but you don’t know if it is greater or fewer people than who would have died if you followed the kidnapper’s directions.

1)      Do you choose to walk away or take control?

2)      Does you choice make you responsible for the lives lost? Why or why not?

3)      Would you have been more or less responsible for the lives lost by making the opposite choice? Why?

Helping Someone Through Trauma and Grief

I've been through a lot lately, and I have learned a lot about dealing with grief and trauma through this process. I've had many friends who've let me down, and I've had some truly wonderful people who have been willing to invest themselves in my healing process in ways that make me feel like maybe I'll make it through this and there will be another side. There are many things people don't know about grief and trauma until you've been through it. Certainly I didn't know these things before, and even now each person's situation is so unique, there is no one right way to grieve. Still, these things are basic guidelines that I think are useful in most situations, although it is always important to let the person going through it lead the process. I posted last year about the boundaries I set and what I needed for people to help me in my grief. Many of these statements are similar because what I've learned is based on my own experience, though the overall post is more generic.

*There is no wrong way to grieve, and the bereaved is not following any timeline but their own.

*It is better to admit when you're not able to deal with trauma or grief than to blame the victim for making you uncomfortable.

*It is better to ask someone how you can help them in their healing or grieving process than to try to impose your ideas of right and wrong upon a person and then tell them you can't help them if you won't follow their advice.

*It is better to be quiet and sit with and hug someone than to offer "advice" that is judgmental, accusatory, or otherwise going to make their process more difficult. (Advice can be helpful... see below.)*What has been comforting in your situation may or may not be useful to others, so offering that in the phrasing "When I lost ____, it helped me to _____" or "When I went through ____, I found comfort by ____" instead of "You should/must/need to _____" is more compassionate and empathetic as well as less judgmental or alienating.

*Always respect the boundaries of the person who is grieving. If they ask you to stop telling them to ___, then stop! If they reach out and need your support and you don't know how to give it to them, ask them to express what they need and do that if you are able. Do not try to substitute what you want to give for what they know they need.

*Grief lasts longer than a couple of months or years, and there will always be moments such as holidays or anniversaries that the person can use extra support.

*If someone isn't able to reach out to you or express what they need, feel free to reach out to them, but don't be offended if they can't reach back or explain themselves to you. You don't know how grieving will change the whole landscape of how you relate to people until you've been through it.

*A person who is grieving is a beautiful, probably happy, good person whose life has just been turned upside down. They never, ever need to be blamed for their grief, reactions, or choices. I know there are some ways to grieve that are unhealthy (such as substance abuse), but again that needs to be dealt with using empathy and compassion instead of judgment. And yes, in that sometimes you'll need to set boundaries of your own. But boundaries and compassion are not mutually exclusive.

*Supporting someone who is traumatized or grieving will not be a quid pro quo arrangement. The bereaved is in survival mode and doesn't necessarily have anything left over to pay you back for your support. Depending on where they're at in their process, they may not even be able to express gratitude, though they feel your support for sure.

I wanted to say thank you to the amazing people in my life who have been there and done this for me without asking for anything in return. I couldn't go through this process without you. ❤️

Encouragement

Encouragement, like everything, is a multi-layered concept.

There is one layer in which the Spanish word for encouragement is apt. Animar. This word has connections to the Spanish word for cheerleader and the English word for animate. This layer of encouragement is the one you give to someone who is trying to do something that is difficult. The goal of this type of encouragement is to motivate them to continue in the difficult thing. You might hear phrases like, "Keep going" or "You can do it" or "It'll be so good when you accomplish this!" This layer of encouragement is useful in many ways. It motivates someone who has already chosen to do something difficult and begun the task to keep going through the process, which is often long and difficult. It also helps someone to feel like others believe in them, which can be helpful when they stop believing in themselves as the process becomes more onerous.

There is another layer of encouragement in which you tell someone that where they are is okay. In this, a person might be going through a difficult time and having a hard time getting through it. They might be struggling and want to pull themselves out of the valley and onto the mountaintop, but they need to rest and regain their strength before they continue their journey. Because society and religion often use guilt, shame, and fear to try to push someone out of the valleys and onto the mountaintops as quickly as possible, this kind of encouragement is invaluable because it lets people know that it's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve, and it's okay to have negative experiences or emotions. "This is normal," "You're doing great," "It's okay to take a break" and other such phrases accompany this layer of encouragement.

I think my favorite layer of encouragement is the one where you are actively supporting someone long-term in the process of walking through something that is difficult. This person has already been through many mountains and valleys, and you have chosen to walk along with them in this journey, weaving these first two layers of encouragement together with the beautiful blessings of presence and support. Not only are you adept at switching between the "you can do it" type of encouragement and the "take a break for now" type of encouragement as the situation warrants, but you're there with them while they cry in the valleys and exult in the mountains. There are not words to describe how valuable simple presence can be. Additionally, sometimes instead of just standing on the sidelines and shouting ideas and valuable truths, you get into the walk and help them. Whether this is removing an obstacle from someone's path or helping them lift the obstacle themselves, you have invested so much of yourself in this journey that you are willing to give of your emotional energy, time, space, and possibly even finances or other resources.

I love to see the deeper layers of things, and I so value the encouragement of those who are willing to go with me into the depths, who see and value the things that are beyond the surface level, and who are willing to weave together a Tapestry that includes both mountains and valleys, all of which are glorious.

Challenges, Tragedies, and Traumas

Under the umbrella of "difficult times of life" there exist challenges, tragedies, and traumas, vastly different experiences that help shape who we are. Those who haven't endured all three cannot understand this difference, and they often mix them up with one another when dealing with people who are experiencing hard times. Each requires a different response, each touches a different place in a person, and each will help us grow if we let it.

Challenges are probably the most common difficulty I can think of, and I cannot think of anyone who hasn't faced challenges in their lives. The first grader faces challenges when learning to read or do  math for the first time. Adults face challenges like everyday work issues such as dealing with difficult coworkers and deadlines, family issues such as raising children or relating to partners, and specific event-based issues that require extra effort to overcome.

Tragedies are horrible things that happen to you. They are (hopefully) not common, but everyone experiences them at some point. Tragedies include great loss and a fundamental shift from before to after. There is a destruction involved and something that will never quite be the same. Losing a loved one is a tragedy. Natural disasters are tragedies. Certain diagnoses are tragedies.

Traumas are horrible things that happen to you--either in a single moment or over time--that cause a fundamental shift in your mental and physical makeup as well as the world around you. Your mind shatters, and every cell in your physical body internalizes the event (or series of events) that happened. Your being takes this trauma into the center of itself and wraps itself around it because it is so big that you cannot deal with it all at once. Then, it slowly releases the trauma over time in the form of nightmares, panic attacks, or other symptoms that you process as you can. Tragedies can be traumas when you lose something so great that your being cannot process everything you've lost at once, but they are not always traumatic or traumatic to the same degree.

The complications of combining these difficult times are so vast that I could not encompass them here. There is a term called "complicated bereavement" which describes what happens when trauma compounds tragedy. And of course, every challenge is made that much more difficult when you're also carrying a trauma around. Trauma makes everything harder.

The response to these hard times must be as different as the hard times themselves. Challenges help you grow; they stretch you. The word "overcoming" is good here because challenges give you that feeling of triumph and victory at the end once you've gotten to the other side of them. The sense of pride and accomplishment are so worth the challenge that often people create challenges for themselves in the form of resolutions or goals so that they can feel that sense of accomplishment.

Tragedies and traumas are not to be overcome, however. There is no getting to the other side of them. They will forever be a part of the Tapestry of your Life now, but this is not fatalistic or sad. There is a new dimension and depth to your life as you integrate the tragedies and traumas. There is a new relationship with Yahweh that cannot be known without them. There are new ways of seeing, and the ability to recognize beauty in ashes. Those who have experienced tragedies and traumas recognize each other because there is just something MORE about that person, about their perspective, about what they have to offer. That greater vision, that greater expression, that greater knowledge of Yahweh is what makes the tragedies and traumas of life worth it. No, there may not be a sense of accomplishment or pride at climbing to the top of the mountain here, but there is a richer joy and sense of value that can be found in the valley.

It is in the tragedies and traumas that the highways of our God are made. Every mountain is brought low as every valley is exalted, for we learn to love and rejoice and weep and lament equally in valley as on mountaintop. It is in this that we become secure because now, forever after these experiences, we realize Yahweh--who we are--cannot be taken from us because of where we are, the things that happen to us, or even what we do.

Grief is the Golden Thread in the Tapestry, and I would no more want to overcome and move beyond it than I would want to overcome and move beyond the people I loved and lost. It cost me everything and it is part of me now, so I don't want to get rid of my tragedies and traumas; I want to put them in their places.

Tragedies can be woven into the Tapestry of Life more quickly than traumas simply because they can be processed more quickly. Your mind is not hiding part of a tragedy from you in order to process some of it later, so you can process it as a whole. (Again, many tragedies are traumas, so I am not talking about those.) Traumas often take years to uncover. Sometimes they happened over years of time, but even if they didn't, your mind and body are working together for you in order to help you process something so big and so deep without it overwhelming and killing you. Just as your physical body stores toxins in fat and will not release those toxins until it senses that your body is ready to process and deal with them, so your mind and body store traumatic experiences that express themselves in your life a little at a time as you are ready to deal with them. This is not to say processing trauma will always happen at convenient times. Sometimes you may not think it's an opportune time to deal with them, like in the middle of a workday or when you REALLY need to focus on a major project. However, dealing with the traumas when they're exposed by your mind and body is healthier than suppressing them.

It is in dealing with them--in processing the traumas in healthy ways and allowing ourselves to go through the pain-- that we grow. Suppressing the trauma and burying it when your mind and body are telling you you're ready to deal with it can cause long-term negative health effects such as ulcers. Still, enduring the processing can almost feel like dying. It takes discernment to know how to navigate the healing process, and there is no one right way to do it.

So how can you help someone dealing with challenges, tragedies, and traumas?

*We all experience challenges regularly. Challenges can be helped with encouragement, by reminding someone of the vision of the "other side," and sometimes by helping with details of the challenge such as lightening the workload or offering to take up the slack elsewhere while someone focuses intently on the challenge.

*Tragedies often require a longer commitment than a challenge. In a tragedy, empathy is helpful. Listening to the person as they lament their loss or remember the good old days is helpful. Remembering that they've been through a tragedy and that it's not going to go away months or years later is helpful. People who have lost someone will always find holidays hard, for example, so acknowledging that and remembering that in the midst of your merry-making is kind.

*Traumas require the longest commitment of all, and I have found that few are able to truly be helpful here. Empathy is essential, and without it the traumatized person's experience is often made worse. Many of the same helps for tragedies apply to traumas, but additional help such as reassurance of insecurities and reminders of the entirety of the Tapestry instead of the single Thread are also needed. Many people who experience traumas need professional help such as therapy or counseling.

Growth is life, and all of these things help us grow. As long as we are still growing, we are okay, even in the midst of our challenges, tragedies, and traumas. Each of us has a unique path in life, and it is never helpful to harangue someone about their path. Helping others who are growing in these times requires you to let that person take the lead, get in their boat, and let them steer. If you're brave enough, you can experience some of the beauty of new vision that the person who has endured the tragedies and traumas of life will gain from this experience, though ultimately they are the ones who will grow to a new dimension beyond anything ever known.

We all have our challenges, tragedies, and traumas from which we grow. As long as we are growing, we are okay. The Tapestry of Life is greater than a single Thread, and I know that ultimately we will see how beautiful it all is.

Setting Boundaries

This season of First Fruits, Yahweh has been teaching me about loving myself. Part of loving yourself is trusting yourself and your relationship with Yahweh in all things. Over the last sixteen months of grieving, I have often reached out to people only to have them respond in ways that felt like slapping me in the face. I am talking about multiple people whom I trusted to help me carry this heaviest of loads when the time came. I know that all of the people to whom I reached out were genuinely and sincerely trying to be supportive. They have good hearts and are kind people. Thus in receiving their hurtful responses, I thought there was something wrong with me when they were hurtful instead of helpful. I added the burden of their feelings and expectations to my grief as I sifted through my own mind and emotions to find out why their responses hurt me when they had such loving hearts. 

I did not trust myself then to know what I needed in this grief. I did not trust myself to articulate what I needed because I was afraid of losing what little support I had. Now, however, I realize that support that feels like a slap in the face is actually not support, and so I am setting boundaries. I realize that some of the people I attempted to reach out to may not have known how to help me in my grief, and so I am telling you how to help me now. If you truly want to support and love me through my grief, please let me know. Reach out to me via text or direct message and let me know you're safe for me to talk to. I need you. I am trying to build a support network by this post. If you cannot follow these boundaries, that's fine. I understand this is a heavy things I carry, and I love and respect you anyway. We will simply talk of other things and I will reach out to those who can truly help me in this time when I am having a rough night, a hard week, or a holiday/anniversary experience. 

The Boundaries:

1) I am the expert.        
I know me and what I need in my grief. If I tell you to stop doing something, please do not continue to do that thing and then justify it. It is hurting me. I don't care if you don't understand why it hurts me, if you think it shouldn't hurt me, if it wouldn't hurt you if you were in my situation, or even if it was the magic key to helping you progress in your own grieving experiences. We are different people. Each grief is as unique as the relationship between the person grieving and the person who has been lost. I know what I need. If I don't, I will ask. If you make suggestions, they are not commands, and I may or may not follow your advice. 

2) You do not need to motivate me to get out of pain.
 I don't need any statements like "You need to____. You should______. Choose to be______. If you would______." Yahweh and I are growing and I am doing what I know is healthy and helpful for me in my grief. You are free to make suggestions as to things that might help me, but if I tell you that it won't be helpful, do not continue to make suggestions. Trust me that I know what I need. Also, suggestions are not commands. If I do not do what you say and you withdraw your support from me, then you did not have unconditional love and support for me. I am growing with Yahweh. I am not stagnating or going backwards. If you cannot see that, then trust me on it. I do not need a kick in the pants to move forward because I AM moving forward.

3) Grief is a long-term process.
I have been grieving for sixteen months/2.5 months and it's only just begun. Really, I have to work through things that have been happening all my life and for generations beyond that. If you think I can just pray in tongues and make some declarations for a few days and fix all of this, you are mistaken. I will not circumvent the grieving process by pushing the pain down and pretending it is all okay in order to make other people comfortable. That is how future mental and physical illnesses happen. It may be a long-term process, but I will complete the process as Yahweh leads and in His and my timing, not two weeks after the funeral as most people seem to want. 

4) Pain is not the enemy. 
Helping others grieve does not entail trying to fix the pain or telling them to move on. It is helping them carry and integrate the pain into their lives like a thread in a Tapestry. Grieving does not make someone less faithful, less joyful, or less spiritual. It actually makes us more. Support the grieving in this. Stop telling us to move on, be joyful, or DO anything to get out of pain. Sit with us in the pain. Hold our hands and recognize that we know Yahweh here as much as we do in joy and laughter. Help us bear the burden instead of adding more burden to us by trying to get us to meet your expectation of “being okay.” Yahweh is in the pain as much as the joy, and I will know Him here. 

5) I do not need to be screamed at.
Ever. Period. Yes, there may be times when it doesn't trigger me, but there are times when it does and neither of us know when that will happen. Screaming never did anything to motivate me anyway, even if I needed to be motivated (see #2). 

6) You do not get to come between me and Yahweh.
A good, healthy relationship allows people to feel loved and appreciated and helps us know Yahweh more. If you try to tell me what's right and wrong, if you try to establish the vision for my life and future, if you try to tell me what I am supposed to be doing, you are coming between me and Yahweh. This is not a healthy relationship, then. Yahweh and I have an excellent relationship which has always blessed me and allowed healing and growth. Theology, principles, and laws--whether Christian or Kingdom or otherwise-- have never healed me. Yahweh has healed me. If theology, principle, and law helps me know Yahweh better, then it has led to healing, but it has never been the source. I do not need your theology, nor do I need you to believe mine. My relationship with Yahweh is unique to me. Sometimes, we will have some things in common, other times we will not. That's okay, but if you try to shove your theology on me, that's like shoving a false garment on me that I will only have to remove later. I trust Yahweh. I trust myself. I trust what I have learned in my relationship with Yahweh. It is ridiculous to believe that Yahweh would tell someone else something about my life instead of me. I have only recently come to the awareness of this.

7) What worked last time won't work this time.
I have already been healed of and overcome so many things, but the path I took last time is not the same path I will take this time. I am different now, I am grown. It would make no sense for the principles that led to my knowing Yahweh more last time to help me know Him more this time. That would be like having a 12th grade Calculus student with foundational mathematical knowledge learn single-digit multiplication over and over again. Sure, it helped them pass the third grade, but it won't help them now!

8) Helpful vs. Hurtful Statements
Use empathetic phrases like “I’m sorry. That sucks. You’re right. It will be okay.” Do not use phrases like “You should” “If you would” “Choose joy” or try to tell me things about Yahweh I already know. The goodness of Yahweh doesn’t negate the pain. The pain does not negate the goodness. The pain is real, and He is with me in it. Do you be with me in it, too. Any indication that  I could heal faster, be better, etc. if I only did _____ is harmful. It slows down the healing process. (See #2 for words that indicate this.)

9) Meet me where I'm at.
I have been told to meet people where they're at so many times I've lost count. I have no problem doing that most of the time, but in this where I am the one who needs support, I expect you to come to me.

10) I am valuable and this is not my fault.
Pain, living with PTSD, grief, and other issues  does not make a person any less valuable (or any less productive). I am not enduring these problems because I don't know Yahweh, I don't have enough faith, or I haven't followed your prescribed set of principles. This is a natural part of life, and what I am doing in working through this will alter creation in a way that is more valuable than if I went out and converted millions of people, if I fed all of the hungry in the world, or if I made boatloads of money (to give to charity). If I speak in the tongues of men and angels but have not love... I am important. I matter. I am worth the long-term investment that walking through this grieving process will entail. This post on my more spiritual blog talks about how to walk through a healing process with someone. Look at number 5. 

Now, I'm being strong worded here, and I'm going to say one more strongly worded thing: If this post offends you, remember that my grief is not about you. This is my rodeo. I'd love some help getting through this, but I cannot continue to carry the burdens of others' feelings and expectations as I continue to get through this. I am not being disrespectful or unloving because I love and respect all of you, but I am setting boundaries and sticking to them. In fact, this post is one step forward in my healing process. Rejoice with me in this. And remember, text me and let me know if you're willing to truly support me.

I am, of course, willing to talk with you when there are misunderstandings. I am not cutting you off automatically if you step wrong and hurt me. Grieving people are vulnerable and often unexpectedly triggered. However, if I have told you multiple times that something you do hurts me and you do not stop doing it, I will probably stop reaching out to you in times of trouble. I am hoping that you will be gracious and love me enough to help me as I need.

Generational Cognitive Dissonance

As a teacher, I think a lot about the future generations. On the nature vs. nurture debate, I fall right in the middle. But one thing I wish people would think more about is the effect of a child's--really any person's--experiences on his/her worldview.

Cognitive dissonance is defined as having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes. I think a lot of cognitive dissonance happens when that which you know to be true is contrary to the experiences you have around you or that which you have experienced that is true is contrary to what everyone is telling you. For example, the news media tells me that my society is going nowhere fast, is full of racists, and is run by corrupt people who don't care about anyone but themselves. My experience tells me that humans are, as a whole, wonderful people who would move Heaven and Earth to help the disadvantaged and who love people regardless of their race, religion, or background. Most people I know are genuinely trying to "do the right thing," though they may not always agree on what that looks like.

I wish that people would understand that the generation in front of us has not had the same experiences we had. MY generation (I'm 30) has not had the same experience as those who grew up in the 1960s-1970s. When we teach them worldviews based on the problems that happened in previous generations, we are creating cognitive dissonance.

I will pause here to say that I am not advocating ignoring history. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We seem to take historical events in isolation and teach them out of context, not allowing our students and children to see the real progress that has been made in a lot of areas. The experiences of history are supposed to be different than the experiences that children see around them. This is how history should be taught, as a different experience and time that has affected and birthed this time, but is not at all the same. Historic problems should not be the focus as we teach children how to see the modern world. This generation has enough of their own issues to deal with without bringing problems from the past forward to show children who have never actually seen them in their own lives. Some people are fighting dragons that have already been slain. They are trying to teach children to fight these dragons as well, and when the children become confused because they don't see the dragon there, they invent the dragons to go with the swords they have been given.

Perhaps instead of teaching children how to solve problems that we have faced, we should take the time to get to know what the problems of THIS generation are--both those which we share across the generations and things we never imagined facing. Cyberbullying was a problem that began with my generation and continues to this day, but the next generation is facing a whole new slew of technological problems that my generation never had to think of. I didn't have Facebook when I was thirteen, so I didn't have to consider what it might to do me in 10-15 years when I was applying for jobs if I posted the silly little things that ran through my 13-year-old mind. Kids today need more foresight than ever before because everything they are doing is memorialized online.

Kids today need to know how to deal with and navigate a world that exists both online and in person. As digital natives, there is no separation for them between what they do online and what they do in real life. This idea that my generation was taught of online anonymity is largely a thing of the past.

In an increasingly polarizing society, kids today need to learn how to validate their own experiences while also validating those of others. I have never seen racism in real life. I've read about historic racism, but that's not what racism looks like today. I've seen the media's portrayal and definition of racism, but I don't trust the media to form my worldview as they play politics and grasp at the most controversial headlines in order to make more money. I've listened to people of other races tell me of their own experiences of racism, and that's where I find truth. My own experiences of having never seen racism are true. My friends' experiences of having seen racism are also true. They don't have to conflict because they are different. I, as an adult, am aware of how this is possible, but many people still see in such black and white that they cannot accept that both of these experiences can be true. They will say either that I am "white-privileged" and am ignoring what's happening all around me or that my friends are crying wolf and saying things are racist when they're really not. Yet, both are real experiences.

This is not to say that there aren't universal lessons or truths to be taught. I absolutely believe that we can gain wisdom from previous generations. History is one of my favorite subjects and I will be the first to admit that I have a lot to learn from the people who have lived longer than I. However, we cannot take the experience of one generation and assume that it is the same or even similar to the experience of another. In order to bridge the "generation gap," we need to spend a lot more time listening and thinking. The world today is completely different than it was when I was 15 or 10, let alone 30-50 years ago. This means that the worldviews are completely different as well. Instead of dismissing the worldviews of the past, or judging them based on modern worldviews, we need to acknowledge where those views were formed and what good we can take from them now. Sorry, guys, not every historical figure needs to have their name removed from monuments because they did something that, by today's standards, would be considered colonialist, racist, imperialist, or whatever other -ist there could be, but which in context was patriotic, adventurous, and pioneering. Neither should we dismiss the views of the upcoming generations because they haven't had the experiences we've had.

We don't need to impose our own experiences on our children because we assume that they are more valid than what our children are experiencing. Neither do we need to hide our experiences from them in order to shelter them from the harsher sides of our own lives. Instead we must understand that "different" doesn't mean "right" or "wrong," and that every generation's experience of the world is going to be different. We can share the worlds together if we would learn that more than one worldview, more than one experience, more than one "world," can exist simultaneously.

As a nation, we make policy decisions based on things of the past without asking if that is going to serve us in the future. Foresight is key! I say all of this because we continually make these choices based on past or present needs without thinking of what that's going to look like in 30-50 years when the people grappling with these policies are not aware of the world or worldview--even the needs-- in which the policy was written. There is a huge difference between telling someone what needs that policy was written to address and having experienced those needs yourself. No matter how many times you explain those needs to the future generations, if your policy is successful, they will not be able to truly understand them. Those needs will be history, and should be taught as such. It is then that the policy must be done away with without fear of returning to the problems of the past.

Reactionary policies and reactionary decision making will only lead to a perpetuation of that which you are reacting to. The ability to work together across the generations to prepare for a world that doesn't even exist yet--because we are still building it together--is a key to our success as a society. This requires an open-mindedness founded on truth, a willingness to listen and consider other points of view, and the time to communicate. This requires flexibility within a set of fundamental guidelines--what's called "universal truth," such as the value of human life.

If we want the future to be brighter, we need to start seeing things differently than the way we've always seen them.

Last Day of July

Well, it's that time of year again... my annual "end of summer" post.

Few people get to experience the joy of the lifestyle that a teacher has. During the school year, we work so hard and are must adhere so closely to a routine and structure. (Seriously, who else knows exactly where they will be at 10:47 every Thursday? Who else mus schedule bathroom breaks for between 9:34-10:25?) In the summer, we are suddenly freed from our routine and workloads. Though most of us take classes at some point during the summer, it is not the strict routine or heavy workload of the school year.

The more I grow in Yahweh, the more the difference between summer and the school year lessens. It's funny to say that because my hours and free time will drastically change, and yet the stress of starting school that I had in previous years is gone. I no longer worry about things that used to bother me incessantly. I'm actually excited to return to school, meet new people, and teach new lessons. (I learned how to teach PHONICS this summer!)

Still, I am ever introspective and I must consider what it means that summer is ending. Yahweh has been talking to me lately about frequency, and the frequency of our dance will change. I'm beginning to enjoy change, and as the dance goes on, I don't really mind the change so long as I have my Dance Partner.

This summer has been different than others, but I say that every summer. Time went by so quickly, I feel like summer just began yesterday. This summer I went on my first missions trip to Belize and met a group of wonderful people. It was an amazing, purposed time for which I will forever be grateful.

My second book was largely completed this summer. I won't get final copies back until September, but the editing and cover design are done.

I have grown so much in Yahweh this summer. I've learned about things that I never even dreamed before, and I started a new blog to talk about some of these things. You can read them about them here. And while some people may not think that this is as big as the other, obvious changes from this summer, I would say that the way you see the world will impact the way you live your life, and so changing the way you see the world will change your life. It certainly has mine.

All in all, it's been a wonderful summer full of adventures, fun with friends, and growing up. I am twenty-nine years old, and most people would consider that grown up, but we never stop growing. And I am more myself today than I have ever been, more aware of Reality and the beauties of the Father.

I shall be sure to enjoy this last week of summer as I have all of the others. Then I will dive into the new school year with equal, if different, enjoyment.

My First Missions Trip: Belize

First I'd like to say that I am part of the most amazing Kingdom family. We are a people of strength and maturity who have cultivated the gifts of Yahweh inside of each of us and found our Promise and who we are. The Spirit has total access to our lives and flows freely through us so that we can express Yahweh anywhere we are in the world. This is even more amazing because I have an extended Kingdom family in other ecclesiae (churches) around the US, and we got to do this trip with some of them also. The same Spirit runs in all of us, and we give Him all glory and honor.

We spent eleven days in Belize, but it felt like a lifetime. This is probably because the impact that we had there will last a lifetime... an eternal lifetime. We found the same Spirit that we brought with us there in a group of faithful people. Partnering with them, we ministered to the entire nation. Yes, the nation. We infiltrated systems that impact the whole country including the schools, national TV and radio shows, and even the Belizean Coast Guard. There was no door closed to us, and I know that is because the people who have been there and taken their place as kings and priests of their land have opened the door for us. We just came alongside of them and input our own anointings and expressions of Yahweh.

My favorite part, of course, was ministering to the schools. Getting to go and do what I do every day in another country opened my eyes to where my students have come from, and it also opened my eyes to me. I am able to take the Infinite and bring it to a level where people can understand and apply it. I do it every day, and I did not realize that before this trip. In fact, much of what I did on this trip is exactly what I do in Arkansas. On Tuesday I was teaching for our last day of school. Thursday I flew to Belize, and Friday I was teaching school again. I think one of the things I learned the most was that Yahweh is the same wherever you are, and that you in Him are the same wherever you are. It is like one of my poems:

"Wherever I go the Kingdom is
Wherever I am Yahweh's Promise
Shines brightly forth in the emptiness
The hope that creation will harness"

It doesn't matter if you are in Belize on a missions trip, working at your everyday job, in a service at your local ecclesia, or laying in bed all day sleeping. You are still Yahweh's Promise, and when you are faithful to go where He sends you, that Promise is able to be expressed everywhere.

I went to Belize largely to see what Yahweh looked like in Belize. What does He look like on a missions trip? What does He look like in another country? This is only the second time I've left the country, and I know Him so much better now than I did the last time; I wanted to see. Lo and behold He looks the same. It really drove home the point that Yahweh--in complete and utter totality--is in everything and everyone. Hear, oh nations, Yahweh our Elohim, Yahweh is One! And we are One in Him.

He even talked to me about the Infinite just like He does here in Arkansas, and at the advice of my Apostle, I will be starting a blog about that soon. More details to come on that one.

Everything Yahweh told me about Belize during intercession before we left was confirmed when we got there. It was a land of Promise, purity, and unity. They have the same surface problems I see in America, but nothing can touch or alter the Promise of Yahweh. It is still there waiting for the kings and priests to discover it and take their places. Some of them already have, but more are coming.

Overall, it was a wonderful trip, and I loved getting to minister there. The tropical climate is not one that I enjoy, so I would never have taken a vacation there, but they do have some beautiful scenery that we also got to explore. I loved seeing the Mayan ruins because history is the BEST, and climbing to the top was just another way to prove that there is no such thing as death. I also loved seeing the beaches and the original way to make chocolate. Sampling the chocolate was definitely a highlight of the trip also. Let's just say that people should make chocolate with ginger and chocolate with cardamom more easily available in the USA.

The eleven-day lifetime we spent in Belize was amazing and eternal. I will forever cherish the memories and love the relationships we built there. I doubt it will be the last time we go, and I can't wait to see all that Yahweh brings of what we have just seen begin.

Heaven and Hell

I have never read Paradise Lost, nor do I know anything about John Milton or his beliefs. I cannot endorse either, nor can I speak against them.

All I can say is that this quote speaks to me.

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.” 
― John Milton, Paradise Lost

Yahweh has been showing me recently that the way you see the world is the key to what you experience, how you live, and how much you are able to grow and make a difference. Everybody sees the world differently. That is good and that is right, for we all have different purposes and metrons in Yahweh to steward. We are not all kings of the same region, but we are all kings in Him.

Problems don't arise from seeing from different perspectives. Problems arise when we look at anything but Yahweh. When we look at Yahweh, we can see all other things through Him. When we look away from Him, we see shadows and illusions--things that should never be.

When we look at Yahweh, we see and abide in Heaven.
When we look away from Him, we see and abide in Hell.

Let us look to Yahweh and let us allow Him to show us Himself in ever expanding and increasing measures. Let's explore Heaven together.

The United States of America

Hear, oh United States of America, Yahweh your God, Yahweh is One!

We as a nation were created to showcase the glory of Yahweh, and recently we have fallen short of the fullness of what we could be. Let us repent! For there is more than what we are walking in.

Yahweh calls us forth to greater unity. The enemy has sown seeds of division and separation based on special interests and common ground (or lack thereof). He has caused discontent in the hearts of Americans who do not feel that their voices are being heard or their needs are being met because they know they are unsatisfied with their lives.

Many Christians have fallen victim to this ploy, and I repent as well for the fear that I held during the election that Christianity would fall under greater attack than it already was. It is not acceptable to submit to fear, for fear brings division.

People of various races, religions, and abilities have different perspectives on the world. The enemy has lied to them, saying that if everyone could see from their perspective then their needs would be met and they would no longer feel unfulfilled. Yet, the only thing that can fulfill anyone is Yahweh. The enemy has also placed fear into them, telling them that if people don't see from their perspective, they will be killed or persecuted or degraded. Yet, the only protection and provision is Yahweh.

Yahweh is a God of Unity, but He expresses Himself in diverse ways. He does not want men to see from women's perspectives. He wants men and women to be different, to have different perspectives and roles so that He can be glorified twice as much as He could be if there were only one gender.

Yahweh does not want there to be one race. He wanted people of various flavors and cultures and colors to work together in unity, using their different perspectives for His glory. He did not want their differences to cause division, but to cause mutual edification!

Yet, none of this is possible without Yahweh and without faith. Unity can only come by faith, but if man is too afraid to unite together because they have believed the lies of the enemy that are fear-based and based in lack of identity, then none of what Yahweh dreamed for our nation will be possible.

America has always been a melting pot, a place where diverse groups of people could be made into one nation. One of our national mottoes is E Pluribus Unum: Out of Many, One. Yet, in recent years, it has been more like "Out of many, many." People have clung fiercely to the things they think identify them and make them separate from others. They have decided that they must fight for these things, growing angry and militant in the fear that these false identities will be removed.

Yet, if we lay down what we think we are, Yahweh will give us something better.

So let us move on, America! Black, white, Hispanic, Asian... we are not the color of our skin or the culture into which we were born or raised. We are not the language that we speak or the expression of values that we held dear. We are not our gender, occupation, or how the world treats us. We are Yahweh's and only what He made us.

Once we know who we are, we can accept others, but not until then. Once we know who we are and have united with Yahweh, we can unite with others, but not until then.

So let us take the first step and discover ourselves in Yahweh that we can again become The United States of America: One nation under God, and truly with liberty and justice for all.

It is the only way liberty and justice for all is ever going to be possible.

Abortion

Today there was a national march for life in Washington, D.C. to protest the rampant slaughter of the innocents that takes place in America every day since the decision to legalize abortions in 1973.

Yet, as with all things, the physical is one with the spiritual, demonstrating in the substance what is believed for in Heaven.

Abortion happens for many reasons. Often it is because people want something, but they don't want the consequences of that something. They think that the consequences will be too difficult, too dangerous, or just plain inconvenient. Yet, the very consequence most feared can become the most beautiful and wonderful gift if you could but see it the right way.

When Yahweh gives you a Promise, He also gives you a process. That process is completely wrapped up in the Promise and that Promise is completely wrapped up in the process. Each step in the process is essential for that Promise to be complete. Abort even one step, and you abort the Promise.

Why, though, would anyone abort the Promise that Yahweh has given them?
Why do so many misguided women murder their babies?

Some people abort the process because it is inconvenient. It does not fit in with their lifestyle decisions or plans that they had for their futures.
Some women abort their babies because they are inconvenient. They had other lifestyles and futures planned out.

Some people abort the process because it is difficult... and I've been through this process, so I can tell you that there are many, many chances to turn around and say no. The process ranges from merely "difficult" to "I literally don't think I can survive this for one more second."
Some women abort their babies because pregnancy is difficult. I admit, I've never been pregnant, but I readily acknowledge how uncomfortable it can be. Again, this ranges from merely "I'm bigger than I want to be and have hormonal mood swings" to "medical complications might literally kill me."

Some people abort the process because they don't think they can handle what has been Promised. This ranges from thinking they are unworthy of the Promise offered to them to fearing the level of responsibility it will bring upon them.
Some women abort their babies because they don't think they can provide their children with a good life, they don't think they deserve children, or they don't trust themselves a parents.

Every abortion of a Promise is showing Yahweh that you don't trust Him to deliver what He has Promised to you. You either don't believe Him or you think that you will somehow mess it up because some part of it is riding on your shoulders.
Every abortion of a baby is showing Yahweh that you don't trust Him to deliver what He has Promised to you. You either don't believe He put that baby inside of you or you think that you will somehow mess him or her up because his or her future is riding on your shoulders.

Abortion is not merely murder. Abortion means "to bring to a premature end."

Yahweh's Promises were never meant to end. They were always meant to be eternal, so any ending of them is premature.
And every single life is a Promise.

Surprise Snow Day

Today has been very interesting. It was not the day I thought I'd have when I woke up. I thought I'd have a normal Friday at school followed by a workout and getting home around 6:30 or 7:30 pm. Nope.

I woke up and turned on the TV because there was the possibility of a light snow dusting and I wanted to be sure that it hadn't snowed in the city I work in because I live about 45 minutes away. I looked out the window and there was no snow on the ground. The news said there was a little snow to the side of the roads on the main highway I'd have to take to get in to school, and so I quickly turned it off and jumped in the shower because I sleep as much as possible in the mornings and didn't have a lot of time to get ready.

The whole way to school, the roads are clear and dry. As I got closer, I noticed snow on the grass and on the side roads. Then, as I pulled into the school parking lot I was shocked to see one or two cars in the administration parking lot and no kids outside or buses.

"No," I whispered to myself as I drove to the back parking lot. "The kids are huddled inside waiting." I reasoned, "I came in the gap between bus drop offs."

I refused to believe it until I saw that the staff parking lot was entirely empty. I pulled in and whipped out my phone, googling my school district's name to find it CLOSED.

I had to decide what to feel in that moment. Part of me was upset--I could've slept to my normal circadian rhythmic hours! Mostly, though, I was ecstatic.

I love snow days! It's not because I want to be lazy and miss work or because I don't like my job. I love my job and I love being able to express Yahweh there. It's not even because I love the biting air and the beautiful blanket of white, though I do. I love snow days because they are a special gift from Yahweh.

You see, He uses snow days to give me time. This time is completely free of all obligations or requirements, as the obligations and requirements that were there have been cancelled. I can fill it with whatever I want, and because my heart is one with Yahweh, anything I fill it with is good.

So today I went to the gym (after buying some showering supplies in Walmart) and then headed to my parents' house for a while because I asked my mom if she wanted to see a movie. After a lunch date that she'd had with her friend, we saw "Collateral Beauty."

Then I came home, and the whole thing was entirely beautiful. It was a wonderful day, a gift.

And I realized that Yahweh had fulfilled the Promise He made to me three years ago when He told me that, "Life is a gift, and this world is a beautiful place." But oh, how I did not know it then. I held on to that Promise in faith because all I'd ever seen of the world was hatred and all I'd ever felt of life was pain.

Yet now, even when confronted with the things of the enemy in the world, I can still walk in the Spirit and Power of Yahweh. I can still walk in my Promise. I can receive His gifts, like today, and every day that He gives me to express and glorify Him here on the Earth.

2016: The Year of Fulfilled Promise

I always like to take stock of the year at milestones such as these and look back at all that Yahweh has done.

I know if you look at the media, it would be easy to surmise that 2016 has been a rotten year for the majority of Americans and the world in general. I know better than to listen to the media, and even though some negative things have happened in the world, Yahweh is sovereign and any change such as we've seen can be used by Him to bring Heaven more fully in unity with Earth. Indeed, for some the removal of one layer of illusion in society will allow them to step more fully into the Truth of Yahweh as they begin to look deeper past the layer they are currently seeing. That is hopeful.

In my personal life, 2016 has been the best of my 28 years, and it only gets better from here.  Even as I think to describe it, know that I am a Wordsmith, yet even I cannot adequately express what Yahweh has done for me here.

Let me start by saying that 2016 did not start out as the best year of my life. Indeed, for the first four months I wondered if I could make it through 2016 at all. The enemy saw my breakthrough coming, and he tried to stop me before it got here, lest I remember my Promise and my power and utterly defeat him.

Somewhere in the back of my soul for the whole of my life until now, I had a fear that I did not deserve to be alive. A generational curse told me that I needed to earn my space in this world, and that if I were not good enough everyone--Yahweh included--would hate me and wish that I didn't exist.

I started 2016 alone and in fear, thinking that I did not deserve to live and that anything that went wrong in my life was somehow my fault. I spent a few evenings literally lying on the floor crying or in panic attacks because the enemy was sending me false visions involving my blood and knives and other details I will not go into. Fortunately, Yahweh has always been sovereign and I knew that the visions weren't true, though even seeing them was scary. Yet, Yahweh had me, and He surrounded me with a people who would stand with me in faith and remind me of truth until I could remember it myself.

This happened in April, around the time of First Fruits, when we celebrate Yahshua--Yahweh's first and best--by coming into agreement with Him as we give our first and best. It was then that Yahweh reminded me of my Promise, the Covenant that we made together before time to create me.

I have never since doubted that I deserve to be alive.

As we moved through the year, I published a book related to the Promise, "Promises: The Poetry of the Zadokim." I also received a deeper revelation of the Zadokim anointing, that we as priests and kings of Yahweh most high could go directly to Him and minister to Him and offer Him the fat and the blood. We do so in worship and we do so by ruling and reigning and taking our place in this Earth for His glory.

I had the last panic attack in June, when Yahweh told me that I have the power to stand up to the enemy... all the power in the universe, in fact. As fear tried to grip me, once more and my breathing became shallow, I stopped and told Satan and fear that they have no power over me because I have all the power in the universe. It was gone in five minutes, and I was praising Yahweh, dancing and weeping in joy. The next night, it happened again, just to cement the reality of Yahweh's Word. Again, I told fear that I have power and it does not and it left me, never to return. Yahweh was proud of me, and I wrote poetry and a letter to Him in praise.

In the natural, I received a job that is much better for me and where I can still make a difference and help kids. I have supportive co-workers and administrators and wonderful students. I am no longer exhausted by the school year.

One of the best things that has happened to me this year is that I found my Promised Land, or the place that Yahweh has given me to operate and reign in. I am a poet and a parablist. I am a writer and I take all that Yahweh shows me and put it in poetry and parables so that He can be seen and glorified in greater measure. I have written 4 books since publishing my first one and cannot wait to see the rest be published. I have started a business to write and sell these books and I have two book signings coming up in January.

Even more wonderful things have happened. I have learned to see beyond the Veil, to see from Yahweh's perspective and He has shared parts of Himself with me that are so glorious and so beautiful that I must weep at the splendor.

I do not dread 2017. I have dreaded every New Year that I can remember. Even as a child, I knew pain and I was smart enough to know that both good and bad would come in the year ahead. I had a wonderful imagination, but as it was not aware of Yahweh as it is now, it would take me down the path of thinking that horrible things could happen in the next year that I could neither predict nor alter.

I never thought about the wonderful things that could happen, and as I grew older and pain was all I knew, I stopped looking forward to anything. Dread started each day with me, and I did not know it could be any different.

Yet now, I know the sovereignty of Yahweh in greater measure, and the relationship I have with Him can only deepen in the coming year. He has Promises for me that are beyond my wildest dreams and I am excited to see them manifest in this world.

I see the world so differently now. I see with more of Yahweh's view. His Reality is sovereign in me and in my perspective. I did not know that life could ever be this good. Yet, now I know that life can be even better. It only ever gets better, for Yahweh can only ever increase.

But none of this would be possible without Yahweh. If I had listened to the visions of the enemy and hurt myself or taken myself out of the Promise as they called me to do, I would never have experienced this joy and this rapture. Life is good and worth it. Yahweh is Life.

If you watched me walk through the things I suffered at the time, you know I would not have then called them "light afflictions," yet compared to the joy that I walk in now, compared to Yahweh, they are just that. He promised: "Wherever you go I will find you/ wherever you are, there I'll be." He has kept His Promise in greater ways than I could have ever imagined, fathomed, or even dreamed.

HalleluYah!

The Promise of Christmas

I am continually amazed at the way in which Yahweh has hidden Himself throughout His creation for all of us to find. Some see Him in nature, some in other people's gifts of kindness or acts of love. I find Him in Words.

Christ-anointed one/anointing. He is the Spirit of Yahweh who operated through Yahshua when He was on the Earth and who currently operates through us if we give Him access to our hearts.

Mass-from the Latin mittere, meaning "to send."

Christmas- The sending of Christ! The coming to this realm, the Earth, of the Spirit of the Creator.

But oh, it's so much more than that, for this mittere is also the root word of Promise.

Why did Yahweh send His Son to the Earth? I'll be controversial and say that it was not simply so that He could die and save mankind from their sins. It is so much bigger than that! He sent Yahshua to Earth to unlock our Promised Land once again. That mankind could again be redeemed to the Garden of Eden--our own unique and special wheelhouses where we can express and create with Yahweh as we originally promised to do when we Covenanted with Him in the Beginning.

Yahshua came to Earth to redeem our Promise.

That is what we celebrate today on Christmas Eve and tomorrow on Christmas Day. It is more than a baby born in a manger, more than salvation from the sins that would ensnare us, it is the total redemption of the Promise that is our very existence and all that we do to express it.

This Promise, made before time in the Heavens, had to be affirmed on the Earth once the two were separated by the Fall. Thus that the Promise could be fulfilled in its entirety in all realms. Christmas is that affirmation, when Yahshua came to the Earth as the Word made Flesh, the Promise made Man.

Christmas is a Promise, and for those who will affirm the Promise in their own hearts and in their own lives, it is something that we can live in always, not just on December 25.

Glory to God in the Highest!

Looking for Adam (Thoughts on Marriage From a Single Person)

I have been thinking about families recently; it is Christmas, after all. More specifically, I was thinking about what an ideal family would look like and about the things that I have been longing for recently.

I am 28 years old, and though I very much see myself as a wife and a mother one day, I have never been on a date, never had a crush, never held hands with a boy. I'm still waiting on my first kiss! This is strange in today's world unless you're a very strict fundamentalist Christian. Yes, our ecclesia had a belief for a while that dating was inappropriate, but as the culture of our youth changed, so did that belief. Yet, I have never been tempted to date.

My parents imposed no rules on my in this regard. I'm sure they would have if I had shown any interest in dating, but it really never came up. It's not that I am unaware of the physical attributes of certain males. Yet, even when I was young, the idea of crushes based solely on physical attraction made no sense to me. I was 10 when the movie "Titanic" came out, and everybody my age and up was suddenly in love with Leonardo DiCaprio, to the point where it was strange not to be. I remember my mom telling me how she'd met one lady in a store who had a child around my age and they were discussing the movie. This lady was incredulous that I was not in love with Leonardo DiCaprio.

He was a very handsome actor, yet the idea of celebrity crushes always seemed odd to me. While acknowledging the fact that these men are attractive, even at age 10 I realized that I didn't know them. How would I know if they were good people or not? All I knew of them is what they showed to the media, and that's not the measure of a man.

As I got older, I thought that perhaps I'd meet someone with similar interests or life-goals. We'd share similar values. Of course, he'd be a Christian and we'd fall in love and get married someday. Never mind that at the time I had no idea who I was and there was no way I'd be ready for that. I didn't know how that would happen, either, but I never felt the compulsion to go out and find a man, even though having a husband and children is one of the deepest desires of my heart.

When I came into the Kingdom to a level where I had started to know myself, Yahweh revealed to me that a husband and wife are joined as one in a very specific order. Just as Yahweh is a Trinity, we are trinities, made up of spirit, soul, and body. He said that a husband and a wife had to be joined first by the spirit, then in the soul, and finally...on the wedding night... physically. I rejoiced in this revelation, for a relationship not based in spirit is somewhat superficial, and that is not the kind of relationship I wanted with my husband. Still, I felt no compunction to seek out a person to whom I could be so joined. Indeed, it was and is my conviction that the man should be the leader even in this and that meanwhile I can be intercession.

But as I said, I was thinking a lot about families recently and what I would ideally want in a husband. I am very prophetic, and there are things that I see that it's difficult to share with everybody, and I realized tonight that what I wanted most in a husband is someone with whom I can share those things. Then, Yahweh showed me that I am looking for my Adam.

You see, each of us was created with a specific Promised Land, a specific Garden of Eden for our lives. It is not necessarily a physical place, though some people find their calling very much in a specific plot of land. This Garden of Eden is the metron--the dominion--which Yahweh gave us from the Beginning. It is in this land that we are to rule and reign and where we have all authority as we submit to Yahweh God. Indeed, we can create in this Promised Land, even as Adam created with Yahweh naming all of the animals.

I have found my Garden of Eden, though I haven't explored it all yet. It is vast! It will take an eternity to explore. What I realized tonight is that I can settle for no less than the Adam to this Garden of Eden, the man who is willing to join the Covenant he made with Yahweh before time to the Covenant I made with Yahweh before time so that our Gardens become One. Then, we can rule and reign together, creating and expanding our Garden in infinite increase.

Oh, how I look forward to this, to being able to share the glories that I have seen with someone who will understand and appreciate it all, with someone who will help me govern and create with me. I am so glad that I have never thought to settle for anything less, and though I have not always been patient, sometimes waiting is key. For Yahweh told me recently that time can be an ingredient in creation.

I know that it will all be worth it in the end.

PS-- This is in no way meant to be condemnation or judgment of those who do choose to date. Yahweh can join people and Gardens in various ways. Who would I be to judge? This is just how He's done it for me.

The Power of the Promise

Once, in the center of infinite-eternity, in the very foundation of your life and all that you are, you and Yahweh came together in a Covenant and created a Promise.

It is this Promise that is immutable and governs your existence. It is to this Promise you must be faithful, choosing to follow Yahweh in all things so that you can bring this Promise to full manifestation to the point that it is something that not only you can see by faith, but all of the world can see and know that the hand of Yahweh has done this and give Him glory and honor in the Earth.

This Promise was a joint venture between you and Yahweh. Yahweh, the omnipotent God of Everything poured His entire Being into this venture. This Promise is only breakable by you, and if you are faithful, this Promise is omnipotent.

Everything stemming from your Promise is then omnipotent.

This gives me great hope and pleasure because it means that, as long as I am faithful, anything bad or negative that I experience cannot damage my Promise. It also gives me direction and focus. Do I need to spend time trying to avoid all the negative things that living in a fallen world can throw at me or do I need to focus on the Promise and the fact that nothing can hinder, stop, or come against it? "No weapon formed against me may prosper."

Nothing that tries to stop me in my Promise from being fulfilled has the possibility of hurting me! As I move deeper and deeper into my Promise, I begin to see more and more clearly and I can be less and less worried about these weapons that don't matter.

If I look back at my past, filled with depression, anxiety, loneliness, panic attack-inducing fear, and lack of identity and purpose, I can honestly say that none of that hurt my Promise. It was not fun. I never want to do it again. Yet I am still here and still enjoying the fullness of Yahweh and His Promise to me. Nothing out of my life has been stolen, and everything has been and is being redeemed. Yahweh is faithful! I am faithful!

Many times people look back at their past and that induces fear for the future. I remember when I was mired in depression and I only saw sadness ahead because that was basically all I could remember feeling. We tend to pattern our futures off of our pasts, reasoning in our finite minds that what has been will always be and unless we take great and sometimes futile efforts to change, our futures will be as miserable as our pasts were.

But Yahweh does not say that. In fact, when the temple was rebuilt in Jerusalem after the 70 years of captivity in Babylon, those who saw it wept at its lack of splendor and glory compared to the temple of Solomon. But Yahweh said that the glory of the latter temple should eclipse the glory of the former temple, and it was so when in that temple, Yahshua entered and taught about His Father. It was the veil in that temple that was torn in two from top to bottom, and it was that temple that was standing when it ceased to be the temple of Yahweh and that honor was given to us when Holy Spirit came upon man. That is glory, indeed!

We shall be so much more glorious. The glory of our futures shall completely eclipse the glory of the past and even the present, no matter how awful or wonderful the past was. In Yahweh, we can only ever increase. In Yahweh, nothing can ever stop that. Nothing can come against and stop your Promise from growing and expressing so long as you have the faith to see.

And even then, the Promise is finished and immutable. It is more firm and sure than the stars in the sky or the very foundation of the Earth. It is as Yahweh is, for it all exists in Him.

He who has eyes to see let him see, and he who has ears to hear let him hear! HalleluYah! Amen.

PERFECTION

Perfection is not Yahweh's idea, at lest not as we currently understand the word. Perfection as we currently understand it means the totality of something, all that it will ever be as *best.* It is the superlative, the ceiling, the limit.

Wait? Limit? Yahweh does not limit anyone. Yahweh has no limits. He is infinite and ever expanding!

Well that leaves us with another option... this limit is always growing and is constantly becoming further and further beyond our reach. It is unattainable and we shall always and ever be less than. We shall never be perfect and we shall always be striving for something we can never have.

That doesn't sound like Yahweh either. Why would the same God who gave you everything in His Son now deny you this? He is not cruel, setting up standards that you can never reach. "Be holy as I am holy." If He asked you to do this, He would then empower you so to do.

So our options--as perfection is currently understood--is that it is either a limiting ceiling of our development and abilities or that it is an unattainable end goal for which we must constantly strive but never reach.

Clearly this was never Yahweh's idea, therefore perfection doesn't exist. Nothing that Yahweh didn't make truly exists.

So if perfection doesn't exist, what does it mean to "Be holy as [He is] holy" and attain that "perfect love" that casts out fear?

Yahweh has shown me recently that there is more, but there is no such thing as less. In other words, as soon as we accept Him and His Holy Spirit, we are FINISHED. He is, after all the "Author and Perfecter." He completed us and finished us before He even authored us, so that from our very inception we were perfect.

Perfection means being united with Yahweh. We are finished, done, and complete as soon as we accept His salvation and unity with Holy Spirit (which is our inception, our birth). Yet, as Yahweh is ever increasing and expanding, we also are growing and expanding. There are places (sometimes in our minds and bodies) into which Yahweh has not yet grown and expanded. We, in unity with Him, must also grow and expand there. We, in unity with Yahweh, are also ever going to be growing and increasing. There will be no limit or ceiling to who we are or what we can create with Yahweh.

Yet neither are we less-than because we are not there yet. Just as we would not consider an infant less human because he isn't an old man, neither can we consider ourselves less than perfect because we are not yet in all of the places that we will one day be.

Perfection is unity with Yahweh. We have been made perfect in love, and once we accept this, we do not need to ever fear being less.

All That's Dead Inside Can Be Reborn

Three years ago, when I was walking out something crushing, I bought a song on iTunes by Tenth Avenue North called "Worn."

The chorus goes:

"Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn

'Cuz I'm worn."

I used to listen to this song on repeat because I was under so much condemnation, torment, and torture from the enemy. I kept pushing through and fighting because I knew that there wasn't really any option. I was blessed by Yahweh to have nothing to go back to if I left Him. I knew that leaving Him would kill me, and I would rather die in faith than in fear.

Over the past three years, I have had the normal ups and downs that come from walking in the Kingdom, but the worst time was during the last school year when the enemy tried again to kill me. I was honestly not sure I would make it. Again, this chorus was the cry of my heart. "Let me know that all that's dead inside can be reborn." Even though I didn't yet know it, I was fighting for the manifestation of Yahweh's Promise in me, the rebirth of all that He placed in me before time and which was killed at the fall.

This morning, the song kept playing in my head, and so I listened to it on my computer. As I listened, I began to sob because I know that all that's dead inside has been reborn. I feel it! It is there. I am alive again and I am so, so grateful and blessed by this.

So I wanted to encourage you, to be the one who "lets [you] see redemption win." The struggle does end. Yahweh can mend a heart that's frail and torn. A song does rise from the ashes of a broken life, and all that is dead inside can be reborn.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ~Galatians 6:9